Purpose in Pain

Sometimes suffering takes us to a place we never expected and in the process we may find our true purpose.

Going through infertility led me where I am today, while I am still finding my purpose I can say i am on the right path.

I was touched recently on reading the stories of those whose fertility journey did not have the ending they hoped for.

Those who remained childless and gave up trying either for health reasons, age related reasons or the unbearable pain and heart ache infertility brought.

These all fought and have sadly ended their fight.

One friend I know decided to stop trying at 50, for health reasons. She had under gone lots of IVFs which left her health worse than when she began.

I first knew there was something special about her when we met.

There was always a smile behind her eyes masking years of pain. A tenderness about her that immediately puts everyone at easy, a softness in her look that speaks peace.

Her story of trying and failing ended with her having a deeper personal experience with her maker, she later got a job helping to care for sick babies. It was during a chance encounter that led her to what she called her true purpose.

Her job made her realise how deep human emotions runs and how useful she could be to humanity. She has channelled all her motherly love to tender and care for these little “Angels”.

Her job has strangely has brought peace and the hurt she felt is now replaced by sweetness and gentleness only those with a good spirit can boast of.

Her story may not have ended with a child but it continues and she found her true calling and purpose and in so doing found joy and worth.

Her pain led her here where she is today.

My encouragement-to you today is

to find your purpose in your pain. It may seem the furthest thing from your thoughts right now while facing infertility, miscarriage or loss of a child.

As you journey on, keep your eyes on the master, ask him for vision for the future and purpose in this pain.

There’s still hope, thought all may seem lost, keep your gaze on the master

His purposes will unfold in time.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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National Infertility week.

What you need to know before starting IVF

It is National Infertility week

I want to use this medium to highlight what couples “Must know” before embarking on a IVF.

I am incredibly grateful that I have my two kids, However, who knows maybe, I would have had them earlier had Icdone a little bit more research and knew what I know now.

This is why I decided to start this blog.

This post will talk about the important things anyone embarking on IVF should be aware of

Success Rate: it is medically known that a woman’s fertility drops sharply after 40. The Success rate for women using their. Own eggs drops to 15% in the early 40s and then to 5% in mid 40s or older.

It however doesn’t mean IVF won’t work, but it is important you know the success rate as it may take a little longer to conceive via IVF.

Recent statistics shows that while birthdate is decreasing for all groups of women it is increasing for over 40s thanks to the success of IVFs.

Other question to ask are and consider is the possibility of multiple pregnancies.

I wanted twins so badly, just so I can do it in one go and have the kids I do desire.

There is a higher chance of multiple births if multiple eggs are fertilised and transferred back into the womb.

Transferring more than one embryo is done to increase the chances of pregnancy. I had 2 fertilised embryos transferred but only one survived which is my first daughter.

IVF is not cheap, reasoning is to give more than one embryo the chance of implanting in the womb. Successful implantation May lead to multiple birth and financial savings in terms of needing more treatment for other pregnancies.

You should also find out about the process.

IVF Has fulfilled the dreams

of many couples, however it is not without its heart aches.

I had two failed cycles before my 3rd IVF, it is an incredibly emotional process. It is not stress free at all, but you must decide to find way to remain stress free.

I recalled during the two weeks of injection how sick I was, it was painful, I felt full all the time, hot flushes and bloated.

The first time my clinic offered no help or assistance but on my 3rd try I was given possible suggestions on what to do and an emergency contact number in case I needed to speak with someone.

Find out what your clinic offers. Some clinics offers one size fits all treatments, but everyone is different and have different medical diagnosis hence I believe IVF Should be tailored to meet each couple’s needs.

Talk to your doctor and find how what help is available to learn the side effects and reduce the stress faced during treatment.

Best wishes in your journey towards parenthood.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/04/08/a-womans-dilemma-is-40-too-old/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/31/it-only-takes-one-egg/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/04/26/national-infertility-week/

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/07/11/surviving-treatment/


Credits

Information in success rate of And rate from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority.

https://www.hfea.gov.uk/

Easter and Infertility.

The Lonely Journey of Infertility

When I think of the journey of  Jesus to the cross I realised how lonely it must have been for him.

The process leading to the Cross was one of shame.

He felt abandoned by His father,

He felt  alone as His most trusted friends ran for their lives.

No one wanted to be associated with Him for fear of being killed.

In that moment, when he faced death and breath His last, he asked His father why he was abandoned.

The more I speak to those who have walked or currently on this journey of waiting, the more it becomes apparent how lonely it can get. The notion that there is a community out there seem remote.

Infertility is still a lonely journey.

No one to talk to, fear of being stigmatised, the feeling of shame causes us to bottle it up than open up to anyone.

I am particularly drawn to the two women who went to anoint his body, and wondered who will rolled the stone away. There was an obstacle at the entrance of the tomb, A Stone.

Who will roll away the stone?

The stone is big, two women alone can’t rolled it a way. It will take more than 2 women to roll it away. Who will roll away the stone?

You may be asking yourself right now:

Who will take away this pain of trying?

How will this end?

Will I ever have a child?

But we know how the story ends, although it seemed liked death had won, at the time he was nailed to the cross and put in the tomb.

When he got up on Easter Sunday, truly, God’s purpose for the suffering he endured was unfolded.

Be encouraged by the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, you may have a stone like problem right now.

Just as the miracle of resurrection happened all those years ago, you will experience a miracle of birth, you too will rise up from the ashes of infertility to new life.

Trust in him, hope in Him, call on Him and you will have help.

A stone like problem? Give it to Jesus.

Happy Easter

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related reading

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/07/25/keeping-hope-alive/

I Remember

Today I remember a time when I celebrated birthdays without a child.

When no one made a card for me with scrap papers, scribbled writings and drawings that bears no resemblance to me..

When all I had was a kind and loving husband who will give me the world just to dull the pain of childlessness.

Today, I call to mind those days and it is hard to think back.

I had to pull up pictures of my days without kids. When each birthday I said a little prayer

“Lord let this be the year”..

Today I smile because this day this very moment. I am on top of the world, I am blessed with two beautiful girls.

Today, I heard a sound in my downstairs study and went to investigate

As I opened the door, my six year old screamed

“Mummy you can’t come in”. She was serious, so I retreated.

I knew what she was doing, I caught a glimpse of her making a birthday card for me.

A few minutes later big sister joined her and she called out “mummy whatever you do, DO NOT COME INTO THE STUDY”!

Ok I replied.

I observed as they tiptoed around the house to get items for their cards.

It warmed my heart.

My two little blessings with love in their heart making a birthday card for me.

There is no greater joy.

So today I celebrate with a heart filled with joy and gratitude for this wonderful blessing.

Today I pray for you, that you will come to know the joy of motherhood, that soon the ache you feel will be replaced by pangs of labour.

Your tears will be of joy and unspeakable blessings on beholding your child.

So do not give up.

Do not despair

Do not fear.

This is a journey that will end with rainbows in the skies.

Look up child, soon your blessings will make this wait worth it.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Post to Note

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/30/i-see-you/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/02/24/strengthened-not-faulty/

I See You

I may not have you in my arms

But I carry you in my heart

With each passing day

I see the image of you

Wrapped in beautiful cloth.

A sweet smile etched on your faces

I see you walking

I see you running

I see us do all the things mother and child do

Though others may not see what I see

Of this I am sure

I see the future with you in it.

I see you grow and become a fine human

And I see the day I will look back on the past and be thankful

I waited for you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related pieces

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/10/identity/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

Mother’s Day and infertility

Celebration of mother is approaching in the UK. On the 31 March we will celebrate and acknowledge mothers

The airwaves, Churches, schools will put up a show to celebrate mothers. It is fitting to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone who’s trying to conceive.

As you watch others being celebrated a part of you always wonders when you too will be celebrated.

Celebrating mother’s on this day doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing.

If anything this celebration makes me focus even more on my demise. However dark and grim the situation may seem. Let me encourage you to focus on this one truth. This too will pass.

How and when I do not know. Let your trust be fully placed on the master.

Be reminded of this.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Though the fig tree do not blossom,

    nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

    and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

    and there be no herd in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

God, the Lord, is my strength;

    he makes my feet like hinds’ feet,

    he makes me tread upon my high places.

Re phrased it becomes

Thought my body will not respond to treatments and my monthly flow remains uncertain

Thought my womb refuse to yield and bear children as I get on in age.

My eyes will remain fixed on the Lord who is my strength. He alone will carry me and bring me into His perfect plan for me.

Sometimes we go through seasons of hardship, loss and deep pain. But no matter what we’ve lost, or wanted but never had, we can like Habakkuk rejoice in our relationship with a loving God.

Even when it feels like we have nothing else, He will never fail or abandon us.

He is the One who “provides for those who grieve His is our ultimate reason for joy (Isaiah 61:3).

Don’t endure Mother’s Day, celebrate it by fixing your eyes on him who loves you beyond reason.

Celebrate the unique experience of waiting and the worthiness of what he is fashioning within you.

Celebrate the person your are becoming as a result of the experiences you are face with

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/03/25/celebrating-mothers-day/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/11/how-to-handle-the-pressures-of-mothers-day/

Identity

Anyone who has ever suffered infertility knows too well the roller coaster of emotions they go through.

One minute you are full of hope and happy the next minute you see a pregnant woman and everything changes.

I am not certain any other illness do this to anyone, maybe it does. For me having experience infertility as well as Other illnesses. I find that I am most affected by infertility than any other illness.

Why is this so? Maybe because having a child is a build in desire. A desire to birth, to want to procreate seems to trump any other desire.

Life has season, our seasons of infertility will come and go.

Weather we will be gifted with a child in the way we desire tile will tell.

But whatever the path we take to a new season, we must keep our identity in view.

We are not define by infertility, do not make it your identity, Do not class yourself as an infertile woman/man.

You are gifted with abilities and potentials, crafted in the image of the maker of the universe.

Delicately and wonderfully  made,

Living in the abundance of His grace,

Wrapped in His beauty,

Fashioned with the best of His storehouse.

Here are ways to help you stay focus on who you are in Christ.

  1. Stay connected to God, being connected to God and the word will help you grasp who you are in Christ.The enemies of our souls knows this and wants us to only keep in focus the lies about who we are. if you believe you are worthless unable to parent a child, you will be unable to lay hold on the promises of God’s word concerning children. Staying connected to the word about who you are

  2. Speak positively about your situation, speak life to your body, claim the promises available to you as you stay connected, you will begin to have a new reality.

  3. The battle is ongoing  to remind yourself of who you are, set reminders throughout the day by immersing  your love in God’s truth. Put memory verses in your car, in your purse. Set reminders on your phone with encouraging quotes to remind you of your identity..

  4. Avoid events or issues that might draw you away from God! Draw near to Him throughout the day. By doing this you will be able to resist the temptation to give in to your emotions when those ugly thoughts about your infertility rears their head, you can chop it off with the word of God.

The battle is not over until we win. We will win because the word says so. So set your mind free from fear and live in the hope of coming into Hos promises for your life.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Encouraging post

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/11/22/joy-after-%f0%9d%97%a3%f0%9d%97%ae%f0%9d%97%b6%f0%9d%97%bb/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/04/do-you-call-it-quits/

Strengthened, not Faulty.

I remember those dark days (as I call them) of trying, when I blamed infertility as my fault. I remember thinking with the advancement in technology, how come they could not find anything wrong with me?

Something must be wrong with that?

As a coping mechanism I refused to make an emotional investment in my monthly flow for fear of being disappointed and that alone led to more heartache.

I couldn’t hope,

I could dream

I couldn’t believe.

I existed and that was it.

I did not feel useless but felt helpless in that department.

So when I recently read that women are blaming themselves for the inability to be pregnant, I imagined my time on this road.

But let me encourage you, you are not to blame.

Our minds play trick on us all the time and more so when we are at our most vulnerable

I think that it’s is a maternal feeling, albeit an irrational one.

After my second miscarriage I did a soul searching and this scripture something dropped in my spirit

Isaiah 41:10

I will give you strength to go through, I will hold you with my righteous right hand. I was struck by this verse and meditated on it for a very long time.

Strength was was I needed, strength to go through.

Strength for the journey, strength for each treatment cycle.

Strength when another flow occurs.

Strength to deal with other people’s opinion.

Strength to make the right decision.

This scripture reminded  I have a heavenly my father telling me

He will give me strength.

I felt a release in my soul and I lean on him right there and then.

I took on His strength and that made all the difference.

From that day onward I came out strong. I decide to stop blaming myself, My miscarriage is not my fault. None of it was my fault.

I comforted myself knowing I was under the  fathers care and His strength and grace was sufficient for me.

The dark days  of infertility were real but so was the strength of God when I decided to cling to him.

My encouragement for you today is to lay hold

On His strength and grab hold of His hand. He is with you on this journey. Exchange your weakness for His strength

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related links

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/11/22/joy-after-%f0%9d%97%a3%f0%9d%97%ae%f0%9d%97%b6%f0%9d%97%bb/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/06/fearful-wait/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

Infertility Research: Male Factor

The first sign that a couple may be having difficulty conceiving is a few months after trying. Often the women immediately thinks its her fault, and most investigations begins with her.

There is very little by way of research into Male related infertility issues. But not anymore, science and medical experts are now recognizing the Male factor in infertility leading to more research in this area.

Recent research carried out by scientists at Newcastle University has revealed possible reason for Male Infertility may be related to a gene producing hormones which is necessary for the production of fully functioning sperm.

A gene identifies as RBMXL2 similar to the infertile gene found in the Y chromosomes may be responsible for infertility in men. They found that RBMXL2 is essential to making sperm.

The scientist found that deleting the RBMXL2 gene from chromosome 11 blocked sperm production and this paves the way for further exciting research in this area. This was a 10 year study which involved scientist from USA, And Europe.

Understanding how RBMXL2 enables sperm to be made gives experts a clue as to how the similar infertility genes on the Y chromosome work.

Research found that the block occurred while the cells were dividing in the testicles to make sperm, under the process of meiosis.

This block meant that none of the cells developed into sperm cells were able to swim and fertilise eggs.

Much more needs to be done to investigate the causes of male factor infertility, that’s why Fertility Network welcomes this research from Newcastle University which, although in the very early stages, offers hope for a greater understanding of male fertility in the future.

This is great new for couples as more gets done, better treatment will be developed towards treating Male related infertility.

So something to get excited about as Male related infertility causes are investigated. Keeping hope alive.

Your Partner In Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Whatever you do, Don’t Stop Trying.

Happy New Year, it seems like it was only yesterday we watched the fireworks display and then sang the Happy New Year song.

It’s 4 years now since  I stopped making New Year’s resolutions, simply because I never keep them.

I think same can be said for most people, resolutions are sometimes about our hopes and aspirations what we wish we could become in the New Year.

For me pre kids days, every year I resolve to be pregnant and set about to do everything I possibly can to bring that dream to to reality.

the funny thing was looking back now I use to include it as part of my New Year’s resolution.

The things we do to in our quest to have a baby.

So what’s your resolve this year? To be a parent? Either via natural conception, IVF, or adoption, whatever the route, I hope that this will be the year you see that reality.

My advice to you is this:

Don’t hesitate, whatever the method through which you expects to become a parent, begin to find out all you can about the process.

If it’s IVF, find out what’s available in your area, what are treatment options, The cost, the process and then book an initial consultation with your Doctor as a starting point.

If you have being through IVF before and receive a diagnosis follow it up, what’s the next step, can you embark on another course of treatment?

If you are considering adoption, find out about the process, what’s required of you, what’s the local authority procedure.

Get started now.

Are you thinking of surrogacy? How would you go about it?

What are the applicable laws where you are?

In all cases consider the financial and emotions impact on you as a couple or single, are there support groups that can help during each process?

I have previously written about each process

See the link below.

Whatever you do, don’t waste another moment, all the best as you embark on the next phase of your journey.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Relevant link:

On Funding

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/07/17/the-uk-commissioning-groups-decides-who-gets-funding-for-ivf-there-are-some-factories-they-take-into-consideration-i-deciding-who-gets-funded-this-post-looks-the-criterial-for-funding/

In Adoption

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/10/to-adopt-or-not/

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/10/06/the-adoption-process/

On Surrogacy

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/10/11/surrogacy/

Choosing a clinic

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/10/26/choosing-an-ivf-clinic/

Exploring treatment option

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/07/02/exploring-treatment-options/