The Pain of Misscarriage

what to do when you feel stuck (1)In today’s news was Gordon Ramsey and wife who had suffered a miscarriage at 5 months. I was particularly drawn to this story because I too suffered a few miscarriages. As I read their story something struck me, it doesn’t matter if you already have 4 lovely kids or are waiting for your first child, the pains are just as raw, cruel and real. It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or poor, miscarriage knows no class.

What it feels like:

I know first-hand what it feels like. For a couple or woman suffering from infertility, falling pregnant and having a miscarriage is the worst nightmare. when we finally fall pregnant with the baby we’ve waited for, we were in disbelief. It’s funny how we gap in disbelief when something we have been waiting for finally happened.

When I found out I was pregnant, I walked around in disbelief for days, no one knew, except my hubby. We did not jump in excitement but just went about numb, until the 6th week, when it felt like we can begin to hope.


Hope is a beautiful thing, it fills your heart with joy, and gladness. I walked around like I was carrying a secret, which I was.

Hope brings happiness and offers peace eternal. Until my story changes, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, no heartbeat. Something was wretched out of me.

How can this be happening to me? God no, how can I have waited so long for a baby only to have my hope dashed again? Is this going to be another story of infertility and loss. I can remember thinking I can suffer one, but not both.

I hoped it won’t happen again and I was wrong. I lost two babies in a row, hope gone. The worse part was I had to bleed it out, I had to have a mini labour. It was not a pleasant experience as I watched my child slowing bleed away as I called it.


You too may have suffered the same fate, and feel at your wits end, perhaps you are well in age and wondering if you will ever fall pregnant again, or you maybe young and feel the uncertainty of the future, as you feel helpless, lonely and hopeless.

Tears were my frequent companions most days as my heart became too heavy from the burden I bear. I felt as if life was having a laugh at my expense.

I wanted answers but none was fought coming:

It happens” was the response from doctors,” just try again was what I got from friends”, it was with dread I went to my appointments. Even now the pain is still real.


But I found the strength to go on, to live again, to hope and to try again. There is an appointed time for everything under the sun, I reasoned, my season will come. My help comes from the Lord, who helped me to hoped again, dreamed again and believed again. what to do when you feel stuck

Although my questions remained unanswered, He became my partner in hope: I found comfort in his word:

  “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Psalm 42:5

He gave me strength to wait again:” I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.  Psalm 130:5.

Waiting is always the hardest part through it all: with Infertility, we are constantly waiting, waiting for the test to show positive, waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting at for the test results, waiting more waiting: But with his strength, the wait was made easier, as I place each disappointment in his care.

My wish for you is that you will keep hope alive, no matter what, and when the wait seems endless just draw strength from his word which will infuse you with peace and the patience you need to keep try again.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

feel free to share with your friends and please comment if you have found it useful.

Your partner in hope















Infertility: When to seek help

Following on from my post, causes of infertility in women  in women, I want to examine the treatment options available;

LIFE (1)According to the Human fertilization and embryology Authority, 80% of couples who have regular sexual intercourse (that is, every two to three days) and who do not use contraception will get pregnant within a year.

The majority of the remaining 20% achieve a pregnancy within two years of trying.

An estimated one in seven couples has difficulty conceiving. There are several possible reasons for not getting pregnant naturally.

In men, Infertility is usually due to low numbers or poor quality of sperm.

Women become less fertile as they get older. For women aged 35, about 95% who have regular unprotected sexual intercourse will get pregnant after three years of trying. For women aged 38, only 75 % will do so. The effect of age upon men’s fertility is less clear.

Sometimes infertility problems can be due to a combination of factors. It is reported that in a third of cases, a clear cause is never established.what to do when you feel stuck

Where can I get help?

If you have not been able to get pregnant after two years of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse, either one or both of you may have a fertility problem.

However, you don’t need to wait that long to seek help, see your family Doctor as soon as possible, if you are concerned about the length of time.

At the initial stage:  …Your doctor will take a medical history, give you a physical examination and may recommend some tests or a few change in lifestyle.

You will be offered a test, if you have been trying to get pregnant for over a year, to check that you are ovulating and your partner should be offered tests to check his sperm.

Further test will be offered (see below) if nothing is found after carrying out the above test:

Initial test includes: for Women

  • Cervical smear test if you haven’t had one recently.
  • Urine test for chlamydia, which can block your fallopian tubes, preventing you from becoming pregnant.
  • Blood test to see if you are ovulating. This is done by measuring progesterone in a blood sample taken seven days before your period is due.
  • Blood test to check for German measles (Rubella) which, if contracted during the first three months of pregnancy, can harm your unborn baby.
  • Blood test during your period to check for hormone imbalances –measurement of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone, LH (luteinising hormone) and oestradiol. This test can also identify possible early menopause as a cause of subfertility.

Tests for men

  • Sperm test to check for abnormalities.
  • Urine test for chlamydia, which, in addition to being a known cause of infertility in women, can also affect sperm function and male fertility.

 what happens next?

  • If your test results are normal and you have been trying for a baby for less than 18 months, your family doctor may suggest you make a few lifestyle changes and continue trying to conceive naturally.
  • If the tests reveal a possible fertility issue, your doctor will refer you to a fertility specialist, who will carry out further tests and possible treatment at your local hospital or fertility unit.

Getting help and getting it quick is very important especially if you are over 30. Although statistics shows that more people over 35 are having kids, it is important to seek help early in order to get the help you need if necessary.

my prayer and hope for you is that you will find help and in so doing, come to know the joy of having a child of your own.

Your partner in hope:



Other Related article:

causes of infertility in women


Human fertilisation and embryology authority, NHS


When We Rant. 


I want out, I cannot do this anymore

I am tired, I am worn out, I cannot try another month.

I carried on ranting at no one in particular, I guess God was the closest one so you can say I was ranting at Him. A thought suddenly dropped in me, it was as if someone spoke .

Is your womb tired of waiting? I stopped to think about it, really is my womb tired or am I just tired and angry that my womb is still empty.

As I look back over my diary, I smiled in recollection at the day I vented on God.

I pondered this over and over, and asked myself the question. Is my womb tired? Did it scream out at me to stop trying? No, My womb was not tired, I was, my soul and heart yearned for a baby,
I yearned to carry my child. 

After this rant I was still and quiet for a while.

I recalled being in that position for hours, I might have fallen asleep, then I woke up to a warmth that was both comforting and safe. My Heavenly Father came down and wrapped his arms around me and filled me with his warmth and comfort.

I stood up filled with peace. He cares about my needs, he has not forgotten me, he is not angry at my rant.

Waiting for a child does all kinds of things to your senses, you talk to yourself, to an empty crib/room, suspicious of friends and rant at God. We experience all kinds of emotions, guilt, fear, loneliness, the list is endless. In the midst of my emotional roller coaster, I was able to do these 3 things daily, I stopped beating myself up, I practise meditating, and I became more thankful, it did not happen overnight, by committing 10 minutes at the beginning I was able to experience peace while I wait.
Here are my 3 tips to help you as you wait:  

1. Don’t beat yourself up, it is normal to be frustrated by the long wait, to cry and question our decision to carry on. Don’t beat up yourself or feel bad that you have reacted the way you did. Each time it happens see the next step below and while meditating, you will experience a calmness you have never felt before.

2. Have a quiet moment with yourself daily, no matter how busy you are, set time apart to be quiet. During such times, you can decide to put on some calming music, mediated by breathing in and out and just focus on the breathing, or you can just speak encouraging words to yourself. Practising calm goes a long way to release us from the tension of waiting. I am usually reinvigorated, more peaceful, hopeful and most of all, reassured that I am whole, sound and normal.

3. Be thankful always: it is so easy to take our eyes of the many blessings surrounding us, as infertility have a way of clouding our vision. Practise being thankful daily. I read sometime ago that finding 3 different things to be thankful for daily creates an atmosphere of happiness and encourages the mind to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. You can find 3 things to be thankful during your quiet times.

The more I did these the more change I experienced, everyone notice the change in me, my friends and family commented that I was a different person, truth be told some even thought we had stopped trying as we they could not understand why I looked so at peace and happy.

Our experiences should make us better, not bitter

So the next time you go on a rant spree. Don’t beat yourself you can let loose on you Heavenly Father, he can take it, he knows your deepest needs. When you feel tired and think you cannot stand another red flow, another stare from friends and family. When you feel You cannot face another negative test, he will be right by your side with arms wide open waiting to hold you.

Let your soul run to him for he is your comfort and strength. The journey to having your hearts desires met may be long but the road to him is not.