My Wishes

Have you ever looked at someone and wish you had what they’ve got. Do you envy  them because you think everything’s going well for them and they have it all made.

Infertility has a way of making you look at those with children as having it all.

At the beginning of my trying period, I had no qualms being around pregnant women or those with kids. But as the years rolled by without any news from me it started to become painful.

I always felt that those with kids have sorted lives. They were alright, as they seem to be perfectly happy and secured. Resentment sometimes show up when spiteful remarks were made.

I remember being at a BBQ sitting next to a friend who had 2 kids when one of her mummy friends walked up. They chatted about their kids for what seems like eternity when suddenly the mum looked at me and asked, have you got kids?

To which I replied, ‘no’.

She replied: “lucky you”, you won’t understand what it means”.

“These little devils are the most difficult things”.

This was one day I was tempted to say something like.

“Lucky you, you have never tried and failed to get pregnant”.

“You have some little devils, I have none”.

“You have never suffered the loss of a pregnancy”

“You obviously took in at the first try”.

“You have a sorted life, that’s why you make such insensitive remarks.

These thoughts did go through my mind, but I held my tongue. Remarks like these can derail your peace and upset you for the rest of the day, they come and go, so do not dwell on them. I cried inside but quietly smiled and walked away.

It turned out her life was not perfect and she was going through a divorce and was solely responsible for the kids, which is a huge task.

Yes, I wanted what she has, kids, my own kid but not at the expense of my marriage. My friend later apologised for the insensitivity of her friend.

It is natural for us to want kids, why shouldn’t we? The longer it takes for us to have them, the more difficult it becomes. These delays reveal so much about ourselves to us. The absence of kids in our lives may cause us to think others have perfect lives, far from it.

You too may think life is perfect for that friend, neighbour, sister or co-worker looking at them through the eyes of your situation.

Remember, even though they may not have struggled with infertility, they may have other issues to contend with, like caring for a severely disabled child or parent, an untreatable illness, a broken relationship, depression etc.

Whenever you find yourself making comparisons between yourself and others. Stop and count the many blessings in your life which they may not have.

Everyone has something and everyone equally doesn’t have something. So you have something that someone else doesn’t have and vice versa.

My experience with Infertility taught me that to have any peace in life I have to stop comparing my blessings or trials to that of others. I encourage you to do the same, do not compare your blessings or your trials to other people’s blessings or trials.

You are unique and peculiar, this experience is shaping you to become the best you there can be.

 

 

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Not Inadequate

My blood boils, as the news broke on national TV, how dare she bring that up I fumed at no one in particular. What kind of woman uses the fact that she has children over another woman who can’t? On…

Source: Not Inadequate

Not Inadequate

do not hate any manMy blood boils, as the news broke on national TV, how dare she bring that up I fumed at no one in particular. What kind of woman uses the fact that she has children over another woman who can’t? Only a woman who has never suffered the pain of infertility or loss of a child.

I was enraged. I don’t know Theresa personally, but I do understand what it is to suffer from infertility.

The news this week has been of the interview given by Andrea Leadsom to the Times Newspaper. This came about as both she and Theresa May contested for the leadership of the conservative party. In a bid to throw the first punch she gave an interview to the Times where she claimed to be the best candidate because she has kids and her opponent don’t.

Theresa May has previously openly talked about her inability to have kids. As I watched the story played out on national TV I was shocked at the insensitivity of her opponent.

Infertility should not be an ace to be used in a contest, neither should other illness be used in the political arena.

I am reminded of the story of Hannah and her mate long time ago, both of them were married to the same men. Unlike her mate, Hannah was unable to bear children. Her rival wife taunted her cruelly, rubbing it in and never letting her forget that God had not given her children. This went on year after year. Every time she went to the sanctuary of God she could expect to be taunted. Hannah was reduced to tears and had no appetite. Her mate made her felt inadequate at every opportunity she had.

The beauty of it all was that Hannah never uttered a word. She took her pain and her problem to the all-knowing and all faithful one.

Infertility, loss or stillbirth can open the door for others to thrown mud at you. People may secretly glee at your demise, or make sniggering remarks regarding your situation.

Do not worry, just take Your problems to God.  I remember when I got such remarks I always felt rage inside, but held my tongue.

Theresa May did the honourable thing and uttered not a word in her defence. Instead others fought for her. She didn’t have to do anything others took it upon themselves and called for Andrea to resign, which she did.

The battle is not yours, the battle is the Lord’s.  He who has brought you this far will see you all the way. Just like Theresa, hold your peace, soon you will be matching your way to victory.

I dedicate this piece to anyone who has tried and failed to see their desires birthed in a child

To see suffering turned to glory

To anyone who wishes for a miracle but got a miscarriage

Your pain does not define you,

The snares and jeers will not deter you

Give your dreams wings to fly, soar above every pain and ugliness and see beyond to a peace and blessed ending.

Surviving Treatment

 

Unexplained? How do you treat something you cannot explain? This was where we found ourselves after I was diagnosed with Unexplained infertility.

Relax’

‘Take it easy’

‘Try again’. Was the general comments I got.

I am a healthy eater and love most things healthy. I can say I am one of those who eat at least 5 or more portions of fruits and veg Daily. So it upset me to be told to eat healthy. I just want to “scream” You don’t know me.

Having tried and Failed to get pregnant, I decided to dig deeper into “the world of the unexplained”.

My instincts tells me the reason I was unable to conceive was due to my pre existing health condition which no one took into account.

Prior to getting married I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, Rheumatoid arthritis and I was put was on hydroxychloroquine. I was put on a course of treatment and was advised not to start a family due to the effect it will have on the unborn baby.

After a year and half on this drug I was given the all clear that the disease was under control and came off. Shortly after we began trying for a baby.

My research into the link between autoimmune deficiencies and infertility started after my failed IVF.

What I did:

Mr google came to my aid. I googled the two words, and  several research papers on the topic showed up on the search results. What I discover gave me hope, as my suspicion was confirmed that not only was I wrongly diagnosed as unexplained, I may have found the right place to go for treatment.

After the two failed IVF cycle on the NHS, We decided to go private. We decided on a clinic with the highest success rates for people with pre existing health conditions like mine, for over 35 like me, one which offered Tailor made treatment for every patient.

Just when we though I can’t get pregnant naturally, I fell pregnant twice but sadly lost both pregnancies. The pain of misscarriage. It took us two years before embarking on another course of IVF.
My advice to you today if you have tied and failed to get pregnant naturally or by other methods is to NEVER Give UP: do everything within your power to get your desires and only after you have exhausted all options should that be an Option.

The journey to holding our first baby was turbulence, graced with doubts and questions but we stayed the course.
In order to survive treatment. I made a decision to be of a sound mind and be prepared whatever the outcome.

These 10 steps helped me survive the treatment process and kept my spirts up.

  • I decided to stopped focusing on the outcome and the “what ifs”. I used to focus on the negative to the point of exhaustion. I couldn’t see any positives from the process. Do not be excessively focus on the outcome. You have been on this journey long enough so stay strong. Our destination may be within reach or may still be far off. Regardless, decide how you want to ride the journey. In misery, distress, hopelessness or with faith, hope and belief in the process. If you did not think it will work, why begin at all. Be full of assurance, riding on the wings of hope.

  • Whenever your monthly period show up, don’t retreat into pity or why me mode, go out and see a funny motive to lift up your spirit.
  • Be positively expectant of something good happening . You may currently be undergoing treatment or beginning the journey of trying or may have tried and failed. Whatever your reality maybe, enjoy the journey, by surrounding yourself with positive things. Get up each day and look forward to the possibility of what might be.
  • find someone who has a more severe illness than yours, be an encouragement to them. Start a ministry of encouragement for others and comfort others with the comfort you have received.

  • Go out for a drink with a friend. Focus on the beauty of life around you, the plants, the birds in the air, the air we breath in.
  • Read a good book, something different from how to get pregnant.
  • Speak positively to yourself. Tell yourself nothing is wrong with you or your partner. Even if something is wrong, be hopeful that you are on your way to receiving help and in time everything will be alright. Sing and dance: dancing and singing releases some feel good hormone. Your mood will be uplifted taking you away from the intensity of trying.

  • Go for a walk and release all the tension within you. find a local gym where you can be part of the swimming or running club.
  • Focus on yourself, your progress and how far you have come. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you use to be.
  • Decide you will be stronger regardless of the outcome. This is not going to define your life or happiness, as much as we want the end results to be good, things may happen which is beyond our control

After You have done all: let go and let God, he knows what you are going through and he will bring you through. You are Built to handle adversity so face yours with faith and courage.

 

Exploring Treatment Options. 

The issues faced by couples or anyone suffering infertility are made worse when you have no idea where and when to seek help.

I have spoken with several women who all agree that they took to seek help as they had no idea where or when to ask for help. Dealing with the emotional roller coaster that comes with infertility is no small feat, it is therefore important to know when to seek help and where to go.

Find out when to seek help in this post: Infertility: When to seek help.

Today’s post explores the various treatment options available to anyone who has been diagnose with the dreaded disease.

First step is to book an appointment with your family doctor.

Based your circumstances and the test results your doctor will then be able to recommend the next step to take.

Treatments for different age group:  There is no one size fit all, when it comes to treatments. Medical evidence shows that a woman’s age affects her ability to get pregnant. Women are Built differently; we have finite number of eggs. The chances of A woman over 35 years getting pregnant are reduced at that age and if she does become pregnant, her risk of miscarriages goes up.

Depending on your age, your doctor may recommend that you skip some of the steps taken by younger couples, and get you on the treatment ladder as quickly as possible.

It is important to know that no treatment will guarantee a positive result. However due to advances in technology, millions of couples like us have gone on to have babies via fertility treatment.

First steps: diagnosis, we explore the possible causes of infertility in both men and women: read it here.

Treating problems with Ovulation: a woman releases eggs once a month, if test shows that you do not ovulate or release enough eggs clomiphene will be given to stimulate your ovaries to release some eggs.

Unexplained infertility: where test shows there is no reason a woman can’t fall pregnant; several options can be exploring. Like, administering clomiphene, hormone injection and Insemination.

Hormone Injections and Insemination. (An insemination procedure uses a thin, flexible tube (catheter) to put sperm into the woman’s reproductive tract, to improve the chances of pregnancy.

Intrauterine insemination: Intrauterine insemination is placing the sperm into a woman’s uterus when she is ovulating, using a catheter, passed into the vagina, through the cervix to the uterus.

Artificial insemination (AI): Artificial insemination is another name for intrauterine insemination but can also refer to placing sperm in a woman’s vagina or cervix when she is ovulating. The sperm is expected to travel into the fallopian tubes, where they can fertilize the woman’s egg or eggs

Blocked or damaged tubes: if your fallopian tubes are blocked, possible treatment may include tubal surgery:

Endometriosis treatment may include laparoscopic surgery to remove endometrial tissue growth. For more severe endometriosis, other treatment options will be exploring.

IVF: In Vitro fertilisation is one of the treatment options available to anyone finding it difficult to fall pregnant: During IVF an egg is removed from the woman’s ovaries and fertilised with sperm in a laboratory: The fertilised egg, (embryo), is put back into the woman’s won to grow and develop into a baby.

IVF can be done using the eggs and sperm of both couples or eggs and sperm of donors.

Conclusion:

If you have been trying to conceive without success, please consult your doctor in the first instance and talk through the various treatment options available to you. There are no one size fits all when it comes to treatment for infertility.

My wish for you is that you will find peace through this process as you wait for your special miracle of a child. As you wait in faith, keep your hopes alive, because nothing is impossible to him who believes.

We would love to hear from you, please comment and share on social media.

 

 

Sources: We seek to bring you up to date information and have complied information from the following health site , NHS choices, Nice websites and HFEA.

Disclaimer: the content of this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose, please consult your doctor in first instance to discuss the choices available to you.