Have you ever looked at someone and wish you had what they’ve got. Do you envy them because you think everything’s going well for them and they have it all made.
Infertility has a way of making you look at those with children as having it all.
At the beginning of my trying period, I had no qualms being around pregnant women or those with kids. But as the years rolled by without any news from me it started to become painful.
I always felt that those with kids have sorted lives. They were alright, as they seem to be perfectly happy and secured. Resentment sometimes show up when spiteful remarks were made.
I remember being at a BBQ sitting next to a friend who had 2 kids when one of her mummy friends walked up. They chatted about their kids for what seems like eternity when suddenly the mum looked at me and asked, have you got kids?
To which I replied, ‘no’.
She replied: “lucky you”, you won’t understand what it means”.
“These little devils are the most difficult things”.
This was one day I was tempted to say something like.
“Lucky you, you have never tried and failed to get pregnant”.
“You have some little devils, I have none”.
“You have never suffered the loss of a pregnancy”
“You obviously took in at the first try”.
“You have a sorted life, that’s why you make such insensitive remarks.
These thoughts did go through my mind, but I held my tongue. Remarks like these can derail your peace and upset you for the rest of the day, they come and go, so do not dwell on them. I cried inside but quietly smiled and walked away.
It turned out her life was not perfect and she was going through a divorce and was solely responsible for the kids, which is a huge task.
Yes, I wanted what she has, kids, my own kid but not at the expense of my marriage. My friend later apologised for the insensitivity of her friend.
It is natural for us to want kids, why shouldn’t we? The longer it takes for us to have them, the more difficult it becomes. These delays reveal so much about ourselves to us. The absence of kids in our lives may cause us to think others have perfect lives, far from it.
You too may think life is perfect for that friend, neighbour, sister or co-worker looking at them through the eyes of your situation.
Remember, even though they may not have struggled with infertility, they may have other issues to contend with, like caring for a severely disabled child or parent, an untreatable illness, a broken relationship, depression etc.
Whenever you find yourself making comparisons between yourself and others. Stop and count the many blessings in your life which they may not have.
Everyone has something and everyone equally doesn’t have something. So you have something that someone else doesn’t have and vice versa.
My experience with Infertility taught me that to have any peace in life I have to stop comparing my blessings or trials to that of others. I encourage you to do the same, do not compare your blessings or your trials to other people’s blessings or trials.
You are unique and peculiar, this experience is shaping you to become the best you there can be.