This is one of my favourite times of the year. Simply because I let my hair down, catch up with friends and family. However, this can also be a very challenging time for a woman In waiting. Churches, schools and offices put up shows to celebrate the birth of our saviour, for me, having to deal with the the questions that comes with not having a child of my own was just too much.
Being a choir teacher meant that I was tasked with putting up a Christmas show for the kids whose ages are between 5-12. My time with these kids was precious, as I just loved seeing them flourish… but the remarks from their parents though well meaning, were mostly uncalled for.
I took it as a real concern from them as I was a married woman without a child of my own yet here I was helping with the kids choir, to them, it is must be the most difficult of jobs, which it was.
I understand their concerns and genuine care but for a woman trying I did not need to hear it every single week, especially at christmas. So Christmas is the one time of the year where I dreaded being with my choir kids. I love my friends kids, nieces and nephews, and my choir kids, but I just wanted the questions and pitiful looks to stop. I wanted to enjoy the seasons without the talk of ‘don’t worry’ it will happen.
To deal either this time and other festive periods I had to develop my own coping or surviving mechanism:
Here are five ways I dealt deal with Christmas seasons:
- I smile: it’s as simple as that, though I hurt inside each Christmas I had to gather my choir kids and teach them their lines, I smile and have fun through it all… at gatherings I don’t bring up the topics but smile when brought up… smiling mask the pain I felt inside. I didn’t have to sit and listen to all the comments which were sometimes too personal, but I always smiled and excused myself if I have to.
- I seek ways to have fun: Having tried to have a have a baby without success i became stronger as the wait continued,.. where once I would hide away and not take part any event like being a choir teacher, as I walked the road I made a decision do the things I love. I started fun with my friends.
Thankfully I was blessed and still am with friends in similar situations and during Christmas ime and other festive periods we would go out to movies, theatres and just hang out. This took our focus off the situation. Being with the kids, was also a way of escape for me as always come away elated and blessed after every meeting.
- Spend time with non judgmental love one: our families were incredible through it all: even though they were anxious for us to have a baby, not one word of worry or concern was spoken. We identified those families members who were our strongest supporters and whom we knew were praying with us and spent our holidays with them. They were our source of encouragement and though their support was unspoken it was felt every time we were with them. We were comfortable with them and their kids without the pressure of answering or keeping up appearances.
- Do not avoid gatherings: No matter what, I decided i will enjoy Christmas, i always join the party, in church or at work, knowing life must go on… As a naturally fun person I refused to be beaten by infertility… so I joined celebrations like Carol and nativity services…
-
I reflected: To me Christmas is a time of reflection, so I reflected on the miracle of a child brought to us as a saviour, to mend our broken hearts, to bring us our own miracle and to heal our pain… so I reflected on this miracle while having faith for my own.
So this Christmas don’t dread or fear, rather do hope and find a way to enjoy the season. Believe in the goodness of others that their concerns and remarks although sometimes not welcomed or sought for, is well meaning. Look to God who brought the miracle of Jesus via a virgin birth to bring you your own miracle child… and as you do Smile and be encouraged by the lyrics from Kirk Franklin’s song: Smile:
This song’s for you
Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine
Nothing but clouds, and it’s dark in my heart
And it feels like a cold night
Today’s a new day, where are my blue skies
Where is the love and the joy that you promised me
Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain
Fell from heaven like a shower
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile
I know God is working so I smile
Even though I’ve been here for a while
I smile, smile
It’s so hard to look up when you been down
Sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you smile, so smile
Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine
Nothing but clouds and it’s dark in my heart
And it feels like a cold night
Today’s a new day, tell me where are my blue skies
Where is the love and the joy that you promised me
Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain
Fell from heaven like a shower now
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile
I know God is working so I smile
Even though I’ve been here for a while
I smile, smile
It’s so hard to look up when you been down
Sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you smile
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you
Little Drops Of Hope 