The trying heart is full of questions. There was no single day I did not ask questions of myself, of others and of God.
Why me? Yes we all ask that
How will this story end?
Will I ever become a mother?
Will I be able to handle life without a child?
Who will call me moma?
How do others see Me? This last question was once a constant thought on my mind.
At first it was a non-issue, I cared less what others thought of me, but as my time on the waiting mill continued and the knowing looks and side comments from others flowed in, I wondered: “what do they think of me” Barren, infertile, deserving of it?
For the one trying the questions never ceases, at appointments, we are full of them, we throw numerous questions at our Doctor hoping for the answer we’ve been looking for. Hoping they will finally provide an explanation for our predicament.
We ask questions of ourselves and of others: because:
- We want reassurance that our situation has a reason and that reason is not down to our faults or the faults of others:
- We also want to find comfort in knowing that we are not thought of in a bad way. We want people to see us, not as victims of our situations.
I will never forget the day I asked my husband what he thought of me. With an incredulous look on his face he answered with a question of his own “why would you ask that kind of question”, and went further to ask “has your view of me changed through this process”? Since we it’s question time.
He answered: I think you will make a great mum and I can’t wait to see that happen.You have been phenomenal in handling this situation, your resolve and faith inspires me. I believe you will come through a winner.
We want reassurance that our love ones still see us with the same eyes of love.
His answers were reassuring and genuine, but there is one whose view of us matters most to us: God:
Question: So how do you think God sees you in terms of your situation? What do you think he thinks of you?
- Do you think he smirks when he looks at you When he hears you pray and ask for him to help you through this phase?
- Do you think he sees you as a sinner who had that child aborted which makes you undeserving of a child now?
- Do you think that’s how the creator sees you? Unworthy to hold a baby of your own?
Sitting right where you are now reading this, pause and give this a thought.
What’s been your view of God’s view of you.
If it’s been one of unworthiness and undeserving?
Let me enlightening you, whether you are a christian or not, you are deserving of having to hold your own little precious bundle of joy.
As Christians we know that God loved us so much he GAVE His Son, His only Son for us on the cross. That is love, we were sinners and undeserving of that sacrifice but He Did it.
If he gave up His Only Son for us, will he not also freely give us everything we desire? Yes He will.
That’s my message to you today. He made that sacrifice for you, before infertility became the battle of your entire existence. His profession of love was in the form of a baby, how can he withhold you from holding your own baby?
God’s word is very clear on how he feels about you and what you are going through. Do not think for one second that your past has anything to do with your current situation, or that you are been punished for things you did do or did not do.
God has unlimited capacity of love in his reservoir that no sin, past or present can extinguish or diminish.
Be reminded that whatever your struggles of infertility are he rejoices over you with Singing and love. His desires for your will be realised. See his view of you in: Zephaniah 3:17 as I faced this struggle, one thing reassured me, that is His unfailing love for me.
I am reassured that he sees me loved, whole, complete and sane. He died for me, he came for me, no infertility can change that.
His view of me? I am special and worthy to die for, and worthy to be chosen to wait in faith. Yes, he knows why I have to go through this and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold. Purified, refined and ready to be used for his glory.
If you have struggled with God’s view of you, as you face infertility, realize you are worthy in His eyes.
In time, your struggles will be your cause for testimony.
Rest, Hope, Believe.
Your Partner in Hope: