Celebrating Mothers Day

It’s Mother’s Day here in UK. For a very long time I did not take part in any kind of Mother’s Day celebration. I avoided it like a plague… I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate something I am not and so wanted to be.
I avoided going out as the ‘the shops were often decorated with beautiful cards for mothers. Cards of every colour adored the store shelves with heart signs and shapes. Depicting a child’s love for his/her mother… 

One one occasion I received flowers and a card from my husband. I was unhappy about this gesture. I was not going to pretend that I am a mother, I muttered under my breath..I was being realistic, calling it what it is. 

“You know I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day”.  
Why buy me a “Happy Mother’s ” day card? I asked in a strained voice.. ‘he just replied, open it’ and worked away… My husband is not my child, why should I be excited at receiving a card from him?. I thought. 

“The irrational thoughts of a childless woman”. To me, nothing makes sense anymore. 

Later that day, I felt better enough and picked up the cards and felt really really stupid.  On the front was boldly written “I Love You”. This card celebrated me as a person, me a friend, a human being, a wife, it celebrated our union and love.   

My husband of few words wanted me to know that he loves me just as much as I am now, not for what I could be, “a mother”. Mother or not, I am somebody, not defined by my circumstances or a name badge ‘mother’. 

As Mother’s Day approaches you too may be fill with dread, of well meaning friends, God children, and family celebrating their mums… You may want to crawl into bed and be invisible for the day… because you don’t want the fuss. 

I understand the feeling. I celebrated lots of Mother’s Day without being a mother and most of it was not by choice… 

I believe I truly received healing when I decided to stop being hurt by the mention of the word “mother” and I started to take part and enjoy the fun of it. 

Those around you understands too. Do not think your friends, family, or community do not care about you. Rest assured they wish for you to enjoy the pleasures of being a mother, and may show it in strange ways like buying you flowers or cards or taking you out on Mother’s Day. 
Celebrate with them.It’s a joyous occasion and besides happy doesn’t do anyone any harm, but rather relieves of the pressures and thoughts of one’s demise. 

Celebrate who you are and becoming through this process. You have been chosen to walk this path, it is tough but celebrate your strengths 
Celebrate because some were crushed by envy and jealousy but here you are, still still believing and holding on.
Celebrate the unique love your partner has for you… 
celebrate the adversity which has made you both stronger… 

After that incident with my husband I decided I was going to enjoy mother’s day every year. I was a Godmother, an aunty, A mother to be . That qualifies me to celebrate.

I stopped dreading the approach and started to write out cards to mothers whom I admire… 
You may not go as far as I did, but I encourage you to see yourself as what you want to be, ‘a mother’ and be joyful in that knowledge. 
Knowing that even though you may not be a mother right now? You may be one some day.
My prayer for you is that:

You will enjoy the pains of childbirth
Give suck to a child.

Feel the heartbeat of your child next to you

Feel the crush of a tiny fingers holding yours

See the smiles of your child beaming at you

Smell the scent of baby oil running down their cheek

Feel the tenderness of their look as it starts back at you.

Hear the pitapata of tiny feet as they trundle into your bed.

Cherish the warm cuddly hugs of tiny hands around your neck.

Hear a little voice say

Mama I love you”.
Happy Mother’s Day 

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The Voice

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There is a popular singing contest on TV called the voice. If you are not familiar with the format let me educate you…

contestants perform in front of a live audience with 4 judges whose back are turned on them. The judges can only hear the contestant sing without seeing their face… they have to listen to their Voice, tune and melody of the songs to decide who goes through to the next round…

If a judge likes what he/she hears, they press a buzzer which indicates to the contestants that they are wanted by that judge. If more than one judge pushes the button, the contestant have to choose which judge to mentor them in the competition.

 

It is packed with excitements, emotions and disappointments. I like it when all the judge’s press their buzzer, leaving it up to  it is up to contestant to choose the judge they want to mentor them in the show.

Do you know we all listen to a voice? We tune our listening ear to its sound, weighting our decisions in light of “the voice”.


The Voice we contend with are often not as clear as the sound of music, sometimes they may be shrouded in other sounds buried in the daily chores which contends for our attention leaving us confused as to which choice to make.

For anyone who has suffered from infertility you will understand that there are so many voices we hear:

They could be the voice of your in-laws if you are married or in a relationship. “Voices” Begging and urging you to seek help.

while Inside you want to scream out loud

“I have sought help alright”,

“what more can I do?”

The voice of well meaning friends who constantly educate us on the latest medical intervention and how we should hurry up and get started.

The voice of your doctor.

The voice of your spouse

the voices of your family

The voices of friends

The voices of work colleagues and your own inner voice.

The voice we so desperately want to hear is the ‘Voice of The Lord’,

we wait, we try to discern it, we listen for it, we are sure we will press the buzzer and make the right choice if we know it’s His voice but, His voice is unclear or so it seems, amidst the other voices. We just can’t figure out which is His.

We cry out “Lord speak to me”.

I want to hear your voice…..

Silence greets us, we wait, we hope, we cry.


The infertile couple is faced with endless choice as time passes by, this adds to the confusion of not knowing which voice to listen for .


How to distinguish His Voice.

  1. His voice is distinct, amidst the many sounds we hear one thing is sure, his voice is distinct. His voice does not content with other voices because he is not the author of confusion. He is speaking and will continue to speak to us, to hear and distinguish his voice from others, ask him to teach you to listen…

  2. His voice is not forceful: He is not forceful or demanding, other voices can be demanding and forceful, but his is gentle and soothing, it brings peace. Because He is the Prince of Peace.

  3. His Voice is specific without being demanding or forceful: His word is clear about what he wants for us, that is specific and he will confirm His word to us by being specific.

  4. His voice is real: his voice is not  fake or concealed in other directives for you to discern his intention, no. He won’t leave you guessing because his intention is not to confuse you but to direct and guide you.

 

Have the other voices drown out the one true “Voice”?.

Are you tired of hearing many conflicting voices and just cannot discern which is the Father’s?

Listen for a distinct voice, one that is not forceful, but gentle, peaceful, with specific instructions from his word that is real.

His Voice brings peace and hope. If you press your buzzer for that voice, you know you are on the path to having your needs met.

Stay Still, wait, listen, and you will hear “His Voice”.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

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