It’s Mother’s Day here in UK. For a very long time I did not take part in any kind of Mother’s Day celebration. I avoided it like a plague… I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate something I am not and so wanted to be.
I avoided going out as the ‘the shops were often decorated with beautiful cards for mothers. Cards of every colour adored the store shelves with heart signs and shapes. Depicting a child’s love for his/her mother…
One one occasion I received flowers and a card from my husband. I was unhappy about this gesture. I was not going to pretend that I am a mother, I muttered under my breath..I was being realistic, calling it what it is.
“You know I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day”.
Why buy me a “Happy Mother’s ” day card? I asked in a strained voice.. ‘he just replied, open it’ and worked away… My husband is not my child, why should I be excited at receiving a card from him?. I thought.
“The irrational thoughts of a childless woman”. To me, nothing makes sense anymore.
Later that day, I felt better enough and picked up the cards and felt really really stupid. On the front was boldly written “I Love You”. This card celebrated me as a person, me a friend, a human being, a wife, it celebrated our union and love.
My husband of few words wanted me to know that he loves me just as much as I am now, not for what I could be, “a mother”. Mother or not, I am somebody, not defined by my circumstances or a name badge ‘mother’.
As Mother’s Day approaches you too may be fill with dread, of well meaning friends, God children, and family celebrating their mums… You may want to crawl into bed and be invisible for the day… because you don’t want the fuss.
I understand the feeling. I celebrated lots of Mother’s Day without being a mother and most of it was not by choice…
I believe I truly received healing when I decided to stop being hurt by the mention of the word “mother” and I started to take part and enjoy the fun of it.
Those around you understands too. Do not think your friends, family, or community do not care about you. Rest assured they wish for you to enjoy the pleasures of being a mother, and may show it in strange ways like buying you flowers or cards or taking you out on Mother’s Day.
Celebrate with them.It’s a joyous occasion and besides happy doesn’t do anyone any harm, but rather relieves of the pressures and thoughts of one’s demise.
Celebrate who you are and becoming through this process. You have been chosen to walk this path, it is tough but celebrate your strengths
Celebrate because some were crushed by envy and jealousy but here you are, still still believing and holding on.
Celebrate the unique love your partner has for you…
celebrate the adversity which has made you both stronger…
After that incident with my husband I decided I was going to enjoy mother’s day every year. I was a Godmother, an aunty, A mother to be . That qualifies me to celebrate.
I stopped dreading the approach and started to write out cards to mothers whom I admire…
You may not go as far as I did, but I encourage you to see yourself as what you want to be, ‘a mother’ and be joyful in that knowledge.
Knowing that even though you may not be a mother right now? You may be one some day.
My prayer for you is that:
You will enjoy the pains of childbirth
Give suck to a child.
Feel the heartbeat of your child next to you
Feel the crush of a tiny fingers holding yours
See the smiles of your child beaming at you
Smell the scent of baby oil running down their cheek
Feel the tenderness of their look as it starts back at you.
Hear the pitapata of tiny feet as they trundle into your bed.
Cherish the warm cuddly hugs of tiny hands around your neck.
Hear a little voice say
Mama I love you”.
Happy Mother’s Day