Month: April 2017

National Infertility Week

D'EbiLeave a comment

in the middleOn this National Infertility Week, I am flooded with memory of my time on the treadmill suffering this dreaded disease. Both good and bad memories. After all I tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child. So it is with mix feelings I pen this piece.

Infertility is a sickness, a disease which should not be allowed to fester and thrive.

Over the weekend, I met with some lovely friends,  who also suffered the same fate of waiting, miscarriages, stillbirth and finally birth. I am reminded of how fortunate we all are in fulfilling our heart desires of becoming parents. I recognised that this is still a struggle and a dream for many.

As we sat chatting in celebration over the purchase of a house by one of us, a very beautiful house in a prime suburb: listening to the sounds of the kids running around screaming, the conversation came up about what we had been through.

The story began, from one to the other. I listened as we recalled some really gruesome tales of our ordeal.

I was amazed at how we were able to recall very intimate details and exact happenings of the losses we suffered.

Between the 3 of us, 17 babies were lost either through miscarriages, still birth and death. This was no small number, this was epic and painful to talk about. As we talked, we began to salute those who helped us along the way and the courage  of those still trying.

Today I want to salute everyone who is currently going through infertility, this is dedicated to you.

This post also highlights how we coped in the midst of going through one of the most trying periods of  our lives:

As we discussed it became obvious we had

  • the support of good friends and family,
  • our spouses and
  • our faith.

A strong support network of Good Friends: We recalled those who walked the road with us, friends who though did not face the same struggles non understood our pain, were a strong support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judging us, a ready help. Those who sat with us while we waited at the hospital for another evacuation. Those who abandoned everything else at the news that we needed them. Their prayers, presence and love was strong enough to give us faith. On this national infertility week I salute you my friends.

Our spouses: while we struggled, while we waited, while pain ravages and friends leave, when faith weaver and hope hangs on a thread. Their presence, support, friendship, understanding and love was a constant.

We joked that God knew we couldn’t combine  this terrible fate in addition to having a spouse/partner who was not supportive. They listened when we made no sense. They saw us at our most vulnerable but loved us no less. It was a joint pain, it was a shared burden, we were never alone. Our spouses were a constant.

So on this national infertility week we salute our spouses, partners, those who were helpers on the journey through infertility.

Our Faith: faith was what carried us through those times when we felt like giving up, when we thought that we couldn’t carry on any longer. Faith saw us through. We had a picture of what we wanted and kept that in view. When we bled and buried our babies, faith was a strong force urging us to have another go. Faith was our anchor, our hope: faith that our bodies will do what it was meant to do, carry and birth a child.

Faith in God, in his infinite power to restore and make new again. We were not going to let anything take our faith away. We salute faith and the courage to keep trying every time we suffered a loss

You: I salute you my waiting friends, through teary eyes you look at the negative lines on the test strip and sob, but walked on with a strong resolve to keep trying. Through aching heart, you wondered when the tide will calm and the cloud lift for you to see your dreams birthed in the form of a child:

You who smiled through side comments and sarcastic remarks

You who watched helplessly as you bleed at the loss of another child

You who stood by the graveside to bury another sweet little baby

I salute your tenacity

Your hope,

Your zeal

Your resolve

Your strength

Your faith

Your courage

Here’s my encouragement to you today. Have faith in the process, though it may be tough right now, have faith in your ability, for faith never fails.

On this national infertility week I urge you to make faith your best friend. let it be your guide, your hope, your scour, your friend, your victory.

You may still be on this journey, and may just be hanging in there with the help of someone special, keep on holding on.

For some of you, your relationships may have fallen apart, friends may have left or grew weary of hearing the same story.

Let faith carry you to the finish line. Our story changed from pain and tears to, testimonies and laughter.

So I pray that you too will reminisce over the past with joy and peace.

I salute your faith, faithful friends, supportive partners/spouse, but above all, I salute you, as you faithfully wait.  

 

Your Friend and faithful Partner in Waiting

Other related post you may like: National Infertility Awareness Week., Unfair Generosity, The Pain of Miscarriage

 

D’Ebi

  

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Resurected Hope 

D'Ebi1 Comment

Picture the scene with me: here was a woman who has had several miscarriages, she has bleed countless number of times and as she lay bleeding the last time she screamed in agony “who will call me mother”. “Who will tug at my apron strings for waffles”

“Who will wave at me from the pack of excited kids at the Christmas carol choir concert?

“Who will make little Mother’s Day card with writing barely readable 

Who? Why? When?

Who will tell me pretend stories of monkeys, gorillas and Iguanas. She lay there sobbing and crying as she recalls her losses. 

When I am in distress I call you because you answer me. 

Losing a child through miscarriage or stillbirth, or other circumstances leaves a couple drained, confused and the future uncertain.

Today week we celebrate Easter, I wonder, how did the mother of Jesus felt losing her son. Mary must have been

distraught just as any other parent. 

His earthly parents felt helpless and hopeless, one minute they had a son, the next he was gone.

I am certain they experienced the pain of loss any parent would at the loss of a child. At the time it felt like all hope was gone, they couldn’t see past the present, their loss, pain and heartache had blurred every thought. They did not see 3 days later. 

This was how I felt when I lost my two precious babies to miscarriage. Having waited for a long time I finally had something to look forward to. I thought the wait was over, when I felt pregnant but the cruel hand of lost came and snatched my dream from me. 

I was elated at the news of my pregnancy, to finally be pregnant and be an expectant mum, felt like heaven to me.

And then came the bleeding, the pain and the aches. The why mes and the when. At that moment, I felt lost, helpless and hopeless. My world came crashing down. 

Back to Mary, she didn’t see the next 3 days, the miracle of resurrection and the hope life gives, she was consumed by her lost.

The gap between when her son, ‘The Saviour’ came back to life, was a blur. She couldn’t go about business as usual, hence she took it upon herself to anoint his body daily. 

At least she could do something with her time, she looked forward to the next day when she would anoint his body again, but it was another disappointment. He was gone again, taken away from her. Her one last shred of hope.

Nothing wrong in hanging on to hope and whatever reminds us of what we want and lost. Just like Mary we hang on, holding on to whatever may make us feel better. We live one day at a time.

Mary, was wrong he hadn’t been taken away from her again, he had come back to her, he had given her life, hope and reason to live again. Her son came back.

Our lost child may not resurrect like Jesus did, but we can have faith in the knowledge that we can start again, we have life and we can try again and dream again.

I waited for several years to fall pregnant, Only to suffer miss stages. I taught my number was up, my world caved in and my hope of being a mum was still a distant dream. 
We decided to give it another try and go for it again, and our resolve paid off, we now have 2 little girls, our tears turned to Joy, our sorrows a distant memory and the lost we suffered remembered without pain. 
My encouragement to you today.

Let the Easter story fill you with faith to believe and strength to carry on. The pain you feel from the loss you suffered will be stepping stones to a comeback.

You may have lost a child but let your hope come alive again, let it resurrect and fill you with faith to try again, to see beyond your lost. 

You too will some day experience joy and peace when your desires are reborn. I don’t know how it will be, but with God nothing shall be impossible. 

Easter gives us a hope and strength to keep trying, to trust, to have faith, and believe. 

  Happy Easter.