On this National Infertility Week, I am flooded with memory of my time on the treadmill suffering this dreaded disease. Both good and bad memories. After all I tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child. So it is with mix feelings I pen this piece.
Infertility is a sickness, a disease which should not be allowed to fester and thrive.
Over the weekend, I met with some lovely friends, who also suffered the same fate of waiting, miscarriages, stillbirth and finally birth. I am reminded of how fortunate we all are in fulfilling our heart desires of becoming parents. I recognised that this is still a struggle and a dream for many.
As we sat chatting in celebration over the purchase of a house by one of us, a very beautiful house in a prime suburb: listening to the sounds of the kids running around screaming, the conversation came up about what we had been through.
The story began, from one to the other. I listened as we recalled some really gruesome tales of our ordeal.
I was amazed at how we were able to recall very intimate details and exact happenings of the losses we suffered.
Between the 3 of us, 17 babies were lost either through miscarriages, still birth and death. This was no small number, this was epic and painful to talk about. As we talked, we began to salute those who helped us along the way and the courage of those still trying.
Today I want to salute everyone who is currently going through infertility, this is dedicated to you.
This post also highlights how we coped in the midst of going through one of the most trying periods of our lives:
As we discussed it became obvious we had
- the support of good friends and family,
- our spouses and
- our faith.
A strong support network of Good Friends: We recalled those who walked the road with us, friends who though did not face the same struggles non understood our pain, were a strong support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judging us, a ready help. Those who sat with us while we waited at the hospital for another evacuation. Those who abandoned everything else at the news that we needed them. Their prayers, presence and love was strong enough to give us faith. On this national infertility week I salute you my friends.
Our spouses: while we struggled, while we waited, while pain ravages and friends leave, when faith weaver and hope hangs on a thread. Their presence, support, friendship, understanding and love was a constant.
We joked that God knew we couldn’t combine this terrible fate in addition to having a spouse/partner who was not supportive. They listened when we made no sense. They saw us at our most vulnerable but loved us no less. It was a joint pain, it was a shared burden, we were never alone. Our spouses were a constant.
So on this national infertility week we salute our spouses, partners, those who were helpers on the journey through infertility.
Our Faith: faith was what carried us through those times when we felt like giving up, when we thought that we couldn’t carry on any longer. Faith saw us through. We had a picture of what we wanted and kept that in view. When we bled and buried our babies, faith was a strong force urging us to have another go. Faith was our anchor, our hope: faith that our bodies will do what it was meant to do, carry and birth a child.
Faith in God, in his infinite power to restore and make new again. We were not going to let anything take our faith away. We salute faith and the courage to keep trying every time we suffered a loss
You: I salute you my waiting friends, through teary eyes you look at the negative lines on the test strip and sob, but walked on with a strong resolve to keep trying. Through aching heart, you wondered when the tide will calm and the cloud lift for you to see your dreams birthed in the form of a child:
You who smiled through side comments and sarcastic remarks
You who watched helplessly as you bleed at the loss of another child
You who stood by the graveside to bury another sweet little baby
I salute your tenacity
Here’s my encouragement to you today. Have faith in the process, though it may be tough right now, have faith in your ability, for faith never fails.
On this national infertility week I urge you to make faith your best friend. let it be your guide, your hope, your scour, your friend, your victory.
You may still be on this journey, and may just be hanging in there with the help of someone special, keep on holding on.
For some of you, your relationships may have fallen apart, friends may have left or grew weary of hearing the same story.
Let faith carry you to the finish line. Our story changed from pain and tears to, testimonies and laughter.
So I pray that you too will reminisce over the past with joy and peace.
I salute your faith, faithful friends, supportive partners/spouse, but above all, I salute you, as you faithfully wait.
Your Friend and faithful Partner in Waiting