I remember those dark days (as I call them) of trying, when I blamed infertility as my fault. I remember thinking with the advancement in technology, how come they could not find anything wrong with me?
Something must be wrong with that?
As a coping mechanism I refused to make an emotional investment in my monthly flow for fear of being disappointed and that alone led to more heartache.
I couldn’t hope,
I could dream
I couldn’t believe.
I existed and that was it.
I did not feel useless but felt helpless in that department.
So when I recently read that women are blaming themselves for the inability to be pregnant, I imagined my time on this road.
But let me encourage you, you are not to blame.
Our minds play trick on us all the time and more so when we are at our most vulnerable
I think that it’s is a maternal feeling, albeit an irrational one.
After my second miscarriage I did a soul searching and this scripture something dropped in my spirit
I will give you strength to go through, I will hold you with my righteous right hand. I was struck by this verse and meditated on it for a very long time.
Strength was was I needed, strength to go through.
Strength for the journey, strength for each treatment cycle.
Strength when another flow occurs.
Strength to deal with other people’s opinion.
Strength to make the right decision.
This scripture reminded I have a heavenly my father telling me
He will give me strength.
I felt a release in my soul and I lean on him right there and then.
I took on His strength and that made all the difference.
From that day onward I came out strong. I decide to stop blaming myself, My miscarriage is not my fault. None of it was my fault.
I comforted myself knowing I was under the fathers care and His strength and grace was sufficient for me.
The dark days of infertility were real but so was the strength of God when I decided to cling to him.
My encouragement for you today is to lay hold
On His strength and grab hold of His hand. He is with you on this journey. Exchange your weakness for His strength
Your Partner in Hope