To Adopt or Not.

I previously wrote about the various options towards becoming a parent. One of such option is adoption.

Adoption brings as much joy to a couple as if they had conceived the child themselves, in adoption a parent opens up their heart to receive another human. For whatever reason the child has become separated from their birth parents and need a loving home to be nurtured.

In Adoption, a child is conceived in the hearts, not the womb.

I personally think that adoption is the most loving, selfless and beautiful act anyone can perform.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph “the father” of Jesus. As he secretly planned to do away with Mary to avoid the shame brought about by her pregnancy.

The angel of God appeared to him and commanded him to raise Jesus as his own. He was told to adopt the son of God.

Having been told by an angel I am sure he still had some questions but he was assured by the fact that, God has a plan in his story.

As you consider your options, I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal his plans for you and direct your steps to the best options toward fulfilling your dreams.

Some couples have disagreed on adoption as an option and this has led to the break down of their marriages.

If you are one of such people, my heart goes out to you. I pray that you will soon find someone who will share the same vision as you. If you desire to go it alone…May your strength be multiplied.

As you reflect on the Christmas story, remember Jesus was adopted by Joseph.

Whatever option you take towards becoming a parent may it bring you be peace and joy.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

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Adoption is a unique and selfless act. I respect and applaud anyone who has made room in their heart and home to parent a child. 

Although I have not adopted a child, i was closely involved during the adoption process of my best friends child. I know it is a hugely rewarding and transforming experiences for both the child and parent. 
I started exploring this option after my Eureka moment read it here: 
In the UK, several agencies are involved in the adoption process, these are social services, the local authority, the courts, and other adoption agencies.
My aim is is to explain the process here in the UK… 
What is adoption? 

Adoption is a way of providing a permanent home and family to a child who can’t be bought up by their birth family. 
Why adopt? 
For me it was not because I was unable to have a child of my own, the moment I realised I can bequeath love to another human and give a child a home and make them feel love, it became irrelevant the method of being a parent.  
If I can love a child of my own, I can equally love the child birthed by another. Being a parent, is all encompassing, it involves showing and giving love, passing on life’s values and raising up kids who will be outstanding, decent citizens, this I believe should not be restricted to birth parents. Of course I arrived at this decision following my experience with infertility, but for me it was all about loving and giving. 
The Adoption process is not a smooth road. having closely observed my friend during the adoption of her child, I realised it can be both exciting and draining at the same time. 

 

The Statistics: shows that each year in England there are 4000 children waiting to be adopted, the majority are older children, as well as sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.
The Process: 
The adoption process involved working with different groups of people as mentioned above, whose job is to to ensure that prospective adopters are the best possible parents for the children. 
The Stages: 
Pre-stage one called exploration: involves knowing more about the process. Often includes reading background information and speaking with experts 
 initial checks and registration: involves locating an agency you are comfortable with and commencing the process which involves formal evaluation (might include checking Medical history), taking references and conducting background checks. It is believed that this stage takes 2 months. 
Stage 2. training and assessment 

Usually involves a social worker who is assigned to work with your family. This might involve then learning about your way of life, beliefs, social standing, work pattern etc. At the end, they will assess your strengths and produce a report to the adoption panel. This stage usually takes 4 months 
Stage 3 matching with the child 

This is where the adoption agency works with the local authorities to find the right child for you. Amongst other things, they will discuss the child with you in order to determine weather you are both suited to each other. The final decision is usually made by the adoption panel, who will bring the whole picture together, 
Stage 4 moving in

Once a match has been made, there will be a period of time to get to know the child, this will involve a series of visits and short stays. After which you apply to the court to be the legal parent. 
I learnt from my friend that the process is very invasive and involves detailed and personal questions being asked, job, housing arrangement, extended family is also looked at, sometimes medical histories. This is to ensure that the child is placed in a loving home with people who want and care for him/her. 

I acted as a reference for my friend, I am so glad to see their daughter thriving and turning into a vibrant young woman. 
The wait for your child is always worth it no matter the process, their little girl who came to be with them a few years ago has brought so much joy, fulfillment and a sweetness to the home. 
If you are considering adopting, make inquires in your local area and don’t delay any longer… Soon you will be we on your way to welcoming your child home. 
We would love to Hear your story, send us a private message if it’s so personal to you. Or leave it as a comment. 
Wishing you much success on your fertility journey..
Your partner in hope 
D’Ebi

Exploring Other Options

I will never forget the day I asked myself this question. It was one of those days. I had received another good news, a friend was pregnant again!’ With her 3rd child.

On getting home, it suddenly dawned on me that I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I held my tummy in my hands and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I envisioned how I will look if pregnant.

infertile-pain
I knee in pain

 

Something was not right, I stopped, what could it be? I took another pillow and looked at my reflection again. I felt odd to be standing there, I was not excited by this look at all and quickly walked away. I chided myself for being so hopeful…  

I went to bed and laid down for a while when another picture began to develop in my mind’s eyes, the picture of a child.

I saw this child so pure and peaceful lying on his back, eyes closed with gentle breath. This picture jolted and excited me, I was so excited It was like I already had this child here with me, and I snapped out of my day dreaming and the question sprang to mind.

Which one will it be Debbie, “To be pregnant or to have a baby”?

I have never thought about them separately I have always assume one led to another, which also true in a way.

I suddenly realised that being a mother was more important to me then being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a child and all I knew was I had to be pregnant to have a one. I never explored other alternatives. This picture made me want to be a mother by whatever means, via IVF, surrogacy, adoption, whatever.

I started exploring my options after this confrontation with myself.

Let me ask you this question, have you considered your options?

Which would you like to be To be Pregnant or to be a parent?

Do you know there are so many ways your dreams of being a parent can be achieved?

See our next post on Adoption

Your partner in hope..

D’Ebi