Unplanned Pregnancy

The planning, dreaming, scheming and hopes of the future can be seen in the eyes of newly wedded couples.

They have plans, written and spoke.

Where To live, jobs and career plans, places to visit, number of children to have.

Once settled and and the stage is set for children then begin the wait.

As months turns into years it begins to dawn on them that their plans isn’t going according to script.

We soon realise our plans have fallen through after several test, appointments and disappointments. The dreams and hopes begin to grow deem.

Mary had plans to wed Joseph her sweet heart, only for those plans to be scuppered by an unplanned pregnancy. An unwed mother, what scandal, how will she face the world? Joseph was definitely going to leave her.

Explaining why you remain childless is one of the hardest thing to do. how do you respond to the the unspoken accusation, the questioning looks, the side remarks and unkind comments.

How do you explain that this isn’t part of your plan? This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out.

To us and those around us, the waiting doesn’t make any sense. Just as being a pregnant virgin did not make sense to anyone.

Who was going to believe she was carrying the Messiah, the saviour of the world.

Mary yielded herself to God and trusted that his plans for her are perfect.

Do you feel like your plans for a baby has been hijacked? let the story of a virgin Mum inspire you. Believe that the end of your story holds something good.

For the best laid plans are those planned by the master.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Advertisements

Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Infertility: A lonely Journey

I grabbed a magazine and waited my turn in the Dr’s waiting room. I decided against reading and instead struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. We immediately bonded and exchanged tales of our plight. Half way Into the conversation she commented, it’s so lonely though, to which I replied,  yes it can be.

I previously shared how lonely infertility can  be here; Christmas and waiting:: Although we do have friends and family who care, when it comes down to it the pain of disappointment is all yours, nobody else’s. The trips,  appointments for endless test and procedures are all yours. Just you and your partner’s as the case maybe

How do you explain a pain so deep to those who are not in it. How do you explain the constant tears, how do you talk about the ache from that first, second and third loss? It is unexplainably and our reaction to it is can also seem unreasonable.

Loneliness at Christmas is especially pronounced. Sitting at the dinner table with the laughter of nieces and nephews only serves to highlight the empty nest waiting for you back home.

If you feel especially lonely now or at any other time, remember the name ”IMMANUEL”. Meaning God with us.

This is one of the names of the promised Messiah. “God with us.

He is with us

In the waiting room,

At the dinner table,

At the operating theatre,

As we suffer another miscarriage

As we face the questioning stares and audible alterations of others.

The promised Messiah is with us. Holding, soothing, caring and reassuring us.

His presence brings peace, hope, joy and answers.

He was certainly my hope and strength during my wait. I had his presence which gave me strength every step of the way. Some people questioned my lack of intense misery and mistook my inability to conceive as a conscious decision not to have kids. The opposite was true.

I exhibited my pains in his presence and he in turn he infused me with joy for the journey as a result of his presence, the journey was no longer lonely. I can talk with him and pour out my heart to him because he is with me.

Be encouraged today, the promised child is the risen saviour who is always with you. You can count on his present as you journey through Infertility.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

The Christmas Promise

So here’s what I decided to do this first day of advent and throughout this advent period, post encouraging words for those in waiting.

Christmas and the period leading up to it are usually the loneliest for the heart in waiting.

As the season unfolds, the couple in waiting is usually not the focus, instead a baby in a manger is. How do you relate to this? How do you celebrate the birth of a child when your hearts desires lingers.

So on this first day of advent I want to encourage you with this words taken from Jeremiah 33:14-15.

The days are coming declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the gracious promise that I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.

In those days and in that time, I will make a righteous shoot sprout from David’s line.

He will maintain justice and righteousness in the land.

I was reminded of this scriptures recently and encouraged by it. It’s comforting to know that God still fulfills promises.

The birth of Jesus was the fulfilment of the gracious promise he made to the house of Israel and Judah. He honoured the promised and it happened exactly as he said it would. Jesus came from David’s line and he maintained justice and righteousness in the land.

So as we approach the season of merriment be encouraged. Hold on to the promise he made to you. He said there shall be none barren or miscarriage in your home. Hold on to this and remind him of his word.

The days are coming when he will fulfil the gracious promise he made to you.

Just as Christ was the promised future hope and in His birth, death and resurrection the promise was fulfilled.

So too, he will birth in you a hope that will see you through to the fulfilment of his gracious promise.

So let not your heart be troubled.

Your Partner in Hope

D’ebi

Read More »

The Possbilities of Christmas 

Consider for a minute The angel who told Mary she was going to be the mother of the saviour of the word. A frightened teenage girl told such a news. How terrified do you think she was? Very terrified I imagine. 
I imagined she trembled in fear, not daring to look up at the angel who brought the news. I also imagine her look up as after he had finished speak and, summoning up courage asked “how will these things be?”

How will I know?” That it will be as you have said? And to her surprise he answered… 

“And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God: Luke 1:36-37.
The angel told her a story of an impossibility or what man called impossible coming to pass… the angel pointed to her. “The God who did this for Elizabeth, will bring what I have said to pass.never-give-up

At which point she said “be it unto me according to your word… she believed… she didn’t needed a sign, jus some reassurance that the promise will be fulfilled.
Think about this for a minute God brought the miracle of Christmas to be by using a little girl… how pure, how holy and undefiled.. only a virgin birth will do. 
The significance of both story serves to remind us that no matter the situation, “with God nothing is impossible”. 

Have you really thought about this? An infertile woman and a little virgin girl being pregnant? Both were impossibilities to the human mind but not to Our Heavenly Father.

At this time of the year your heart may not be singing the Yuletide hymns as you watch all the fuss happening around you and think, what’s the point of celebrating when  another year is gone pass, without a baby of mine own.
Another nativity play, what’s the fuss? Your heart ache, as your womb yearn to feel the pangs of baby…

Your heart poured out to him as the Christmas carols rings out and you whisper : let this be my Christmas miracle Lord.. my Christmas gift of a child of my womb. 

Let me encourage you, the Christmas story is a reminder that nothing is impossible with God, your story is not impossible, your desires have been seen and a baby in your arms, in your home is not impossible… 
God has come to us so that through his Birth we can experience the miracle of Christmas in our own little way..

So this Christmas cheer up, let the story of Elizabeth and Mary reminds you that nothing is impossible With God. 

Merry Christmas.

Your friend and partner in hope

D’Ebi

 

Related article

 

Christmas and waiting::

Unfair Generosity

We are equals

Christmas and waiting::

This is one of my favourite times of the year. Simply because I let my hair down, catch up with friends and family. However, this can also be a very challenging time for a woman In waiting. Churches, schools and offices put up shows to celebrate the birth of our saviour, for me, having to deal with the the questions that comes with not having a child of my own was just too much. 

Being a choir teacher meant that I was tasked with putting up a Christmas show for the kids whose ages are between 5-12. My time with these kids was precious, as I just loved seeing them flourish… but the remarks from their parents though well meaning, were mostly uncalled for. 

I took it as a real concern from them as I was a married woman without a child of my own yet here I was helping with the kids choir, to them, it is must be the most difficult of jobs, which it was. 

I understand their concerns and genuine care but for a woman trying I did not need to hear it every single week, especially at christmas.  So Christmas is the one time of the year where I dreaded being with my choir kids. I love my friends kids, nieces and nephews, and my choir kids, but I just wanted the questions and pitiful looks to stop. I wanted to enjoy the seasons without the talk of ‘don’t worry’ it will happen. 

To deal either this time and other festive periods I had to develop my own coping or surviving mechanism: 

Here are five ways I dealt deal with Christmas seasons:

  1. I smile: it’s as simple as that, though I hurt inside each Christmas I had to gather my choir kids and teach them their lines, I smile and have fun through it all… at gatherings I don’t bring up the topics but smile when brought up… smiling mask the pain I felt inside. I didn’t have to sit and listen to all the comments which were sometimes too personal, but I always smiled and excused myself if I have to. 
  2. I seek ways to have fun: Having tried to have a have a baby without success i became stronger as the wait continued,.. where once I would hide away and not take part any event like being a choir teacher, as I walked the road I made a decision do the things I love. I started fun with my friends.

    Thankfully I was blessed and still am with friends in similar situations and during Christmas ime and other festive periods we would go out to movies, theatres and just hang out. This took our focus off the situation. Being with the kids, was also a way of escape for me as always come away elated and blessed after every meeting. 

  3. Spend time with non judgmental love one: our families were incredible through it all: even though they were anxious for us to have a baby, not one word of worry or concern was spoken. We identified those families members who were our strongest supporters and whom we knew were praying with us and spent our holidays with them. They were our source of encouragement and though their support was unspoken it was felt every time we were with them. We were comfortable with them and their kids without the pressure of answering or keeping up appearances. 
  4. Do not avoid gatherings: No matter what, I decided i will enjoy Christmas, i always join the party, in church or at work, knowing life must go on… As a naturally fun person I refused to be beaten by infertility… so I joined celebrations like Carol and nativity services… 
  5. I reflected: To me Christmas is a time of reflection, so I reflected on the miracle of a child brought to us as a saviour, to mend our broken hearts, to bring us our own miracle and to heal our pain… so I reflected on this miracle while having faith for my own. 

So this Christmas don’t dread or fear, rather do hope and find a way to enjoy the season. Believe in the goodness of others that their concerns and remarks although sometimes not welcomed or sought for, is well meaning. Look to God who brought the miracle of Jesus via a virgin birth to bring you your own miracle child… and as you do Smile and be encouraged by the lyrics from Kirk Franklin’s song: Smile: 

This song’s for you

Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine

Nothing but clouds, and it’s dark in my heart

And it feels like a cold night

Today’s a new day, where are my blue skies

Where is the love and the joy that you promised me

Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain

Fell from heaven like a shower
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while

I smile, smile

It’s so hard to look up when you been down

Sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you smile, so smile
Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine

Nothing but clouds and it’s dark in my heart

And it feels like a cold night

Today’s a new day, tell me where are my blue skies

Where is the love and the joy that you promised me

Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain

Fell from heaven like a shower now
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while

I smile, smile

It’s so hard to look up when you been down

Sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you smile
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you