Reason To Celebrate

My best friends birthday was approaching, It was a significant milestone. I remembered planning ahead trying to figure out what we’re going to do for her.

I contacted her to find out what she had planned, I persisted in asking her until she said “I won’t be having any celebration”.

I sort of expected it because I’ve known for over 20 years and I have never celebrated a birthday with her or celebrated her birthday. I knew her reasons. However, I did not think that such a milestone would go uncelebrated.

She’s single and not currently in a relationship, she’s approaching the age where having children is considered risky, she’s premenopausal. She is in between jobs and between homes.

The last few years have been really difficult for her having lost her dad, which means both parents will not be around when and if she eventually gets married and have children.

Lack of success and achievement in certain areas of our lives, leaves us disappointed and robbed.

You too may be asking yourself as Christmas approaches, what’s there to celebrate?

Our lives are measured by our achievements, the absence of which deemed us failures.

There is a perceived natural progression of ones life, grow up, go to school, meet your partner, graduate, get married, have children and live happily ever after.

As I’ve come to know, life isn’t always a straight line from A to Z. Life will take you from N to B and, from S to W and back again from V to K.

Live doesn’t give you what you order, God does. Life doesn’t give you what you expect, faith in God does. Life doesn’t give you what you think you should have, trust and hope in God does.

And as a result of not getting to those milestones we decide what, when to celebrate and how to celebrate.

Celebration is not about things. We celebrate because we look inside ourselves and we know that regardless of where we are and how far we still have to go, we have a reason to be thankful because a lot of people did not get as far as we have come.

We are thankful because against all odds, are still standing. we reflect on the good we have in our lives.

 I want to encourage you today,  If you find yourself void of joy, void of any enthusiasm to celebrate let the births of Christ inspire you.

What is there to celebrate?

For starters, your health, Your amazing support group, The families in your life. For the strength to keep going, your nieces and nephews, for your job.

Count your blessings, and let your focus well on God’s goodness, not on the absence of should have been.

Our cup is not half empty but half full.

This Christmas rejoice in the fullness of joy that Christ brought when he came into our world. This is why we celebrate.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Celebratory seasons, Celebrating Mother’s day,In Silence, True Light, A Costly Gift, God’s unchanging nature, GOT A BIG STONE PROBLEM?, Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

What is Going On?

How often have you wondered what’s going on in your life, how did I get here? How am I going to get out of it? How will it all turn out?

It is often the case, going through infertility leaves us with countless questions.

There’s also someone who wondered about what was going on in her life.

Mary was a little girl from a little village she was betrothed to be married and she was suddenly pregnant.

I imagine many a night Mary ponded what was going on with her? She wondered about her future even though the Angel told her she was carrying the saviour, I imagine in a quietness of her heart,

She had to still process it all. She must have faced doubt even as she progressed in her pregnancy

I imagine she was plagued with so many questions. I don’t think the angels kept coming to reassure her, that the child she was carrying is actually the saviour. There were no account of angels coming month after month to encourage her. Mary trusted God and held him to that promise.

I imagine Mary processed what was going on as she looked at her changing body day and night, contended with knowing and questioning looks from those around her. I imagine even Jospeh’s family may have wondered and she may have wondered as well what on earth do they think happened..

Yes, infertility and what Mary experienced are worlds apart, but nevertheless there are some lessons to draw from Mary’s experience:

Have you pondered what’s going on? Worried about knowing looks, about your aging body? Worried about what the future holds and how you will deal with it?

As I have frequently said in this place we don’t know the future, we don’t know how our story will end, all we can do is hold onto God’s promises.

Has he told you anything? Ponder over them. Has he promised you something? Ponder over it and trust Him completely With your future.

Just like Mary let your soul Him for his wonderful promise which will be fulfilled in your life.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Related pieces

How To Handle the Pressures of Mother’s Day, A Little Town, A Great Outcome:, Coping with Miscarriage and Loss, Hope does not bring shame., Don’t Settle

Power Of A Name

In most cultures naming a child involves having a sacred ceremony, and with good reason too.

That child will be known and identify with that name all their lives, so the choosing, pondering and meditation over that name is important.

The name will be used by everyone, It will become their identity. Sometimes a name informs others about the origin of a person, where they come from, their heritage and roots, so names are important.

Jesus name was also special. His names were chosen by God, His father, before he was born. John the baptist was also named before his birth.
God didn’t leave it up to Joseph and Mary to name Christ, because Jesus was God in the flesh and God needed a name which reflected who he is and will be for all ages.
One of his names which is comparable to no other names, is the name Alpha and Omega.

I have heard all kinds of names, similar names, replicated names, but not this. Simply because this name is God. Alpha and omega simply means “the beginning, the end and everything in between”.

Why this name? I believe God was speaking to humanity through this name, he was saying, look I know it all. I know what has been “the past”, what will be coming “the future” and everything in between.

In those trying times of miscarriages and failed IVF procedures, His name gave me hope. I was comforted in the knowledge that God knows why, and he is weaving everything in His perfect plan for my life.

I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but I know who does and know  that He loves me and wants the best for me. His plans for me are good, not evil.

This knowledge was my solace and comforted me as the years rolled by I became secured in His all knowing nature.

I want to suggest some of God names which you can draw strength from as you wait.

Comforter, Wonderful Counsellor, Helper, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Savior, Everlasting father and The Mighty God.

He knows it all, the intricate details of your life, the pain you carry, the fears you nurse, the joys you experienced. Find Him in His name.

In Him and His name are everything you will ever need… of this you can be assured.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related Piece

The True Gift Of Christmas, Chaos Before Christmas, The Wonder Of Christmas, Christmas Traditions, The Christmas Miracle, The Christmas Miracle, The Possbilities of Christmas 

 

mother’s Day/Others Day?

Here in the UK, we celebrate mother’s day on the 27th March of every year. It may be a different day wherever you are but one thing remains the same, for the women waiting, the feeling is the same.

That feeling of uncertainty, of wondering, not knowing, feeling of abandonment.

No matter where you on your journey, I salute you, your steadfastness, strength, your resilience in the face of pain and uncertainty.

For anyone who is currently waiting to be a mother, celebrating mothers doesn’t inspire joy in you, rather it does the opposite, it brings tears, isolation and dread, that maybe you may never experience being celebrated. 

You are an over comer, you have overcome the stigma and shame, the sorrows and the fear, the dread of tomorrow and you are now on your way to being more. So keep your hopes alive and continue to have faith.

You are an encouragement, a winner and you will one day tell your story of how you overcome.

To you I say Happy Mother’s Day.

Your Partner In Hope

D’Ebi

Related. Celebrating Mother’s day, Blessings In Waiting, Presents and Kids Hope does not bring shame. Does God Forgets

Chaos Before Christmas

When you think of Christmas and the period leading up to it, I am sure you are not thinking of variants, lockdowns and isolating. .

Lately all we read about is how far covid has spread, the various variants, numbers infected and living under the threat of lockdowns.

Christmas and the time leading up to it, use to be a time of excitement, anticipation, waiting for that gift, looking forward to carol services, the dread of secret santa, expecting friends and family for the pre- Christmas lunch/parties and post Christmas visits.

After the Christmas festivities we begin to plan for the year ahead. But the uncertainty of Covid has caused panic around the globe, the question on everyone’s lips-

“Is another lockdown coming or not”.

The present situation makes me pause and wonder about the few days before Christ birth,

How did Mary and Joseph felt at the coming of a baby at a time of great uncertainty? They had to travel to Bethlehem for the censors.

Making that journey miles away, with Mary only a few days from birth was no small feat. Only to arrive with no room anywhere in town not even in the inn, but in the manger in the inn.

The uncertainty surrounding Christ birth is nothing compared to what we face today.

Mary must have uttered a silent prayer to God. “Remember us lord” Help us God”.“Protect us God”.

I am sure she did, because they had to flee a few days after his birth, on the run to save His life. She must have constantly prayed for safety carrying the promised child.

You too may have had your procedure cancelled or postponed, or maybe expecting after a long wait and living under the uncertainty of what the future holds for you and your child. Under the threat of Covid and other external factors.

During times of stress and distress we often cry out for help, we ask God the higher power for intervention, to step in and often he does.

Just like He stepped into Rachel’s situation and she became pregnant.  God stepped in and saved Jesus from being slaughtered.


He will remember you and step in.

He does and has not forgotten you, he knows your name, your situation and location.

Draw near to him now and stay close, and be enclosed in His peace. He will come and he will help you.

Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:14

Your partner in Hope

Debi

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The Christmas Miracle

The birth of Jesus was told over 680 years before he was actually born. God told the prophet Isaiah that a saviour would be born to a virgin mother. That didn’t happen for hundreds of years after the promise was given.

Did God forget to do what he told Isaiah? No.

Did he change his mind? No.

Did he make a mistake? No

I often wonder weather Isaiah felt despondent about the fulfilment of that promise.

God told him something, he knew it was God talking to him. Yet he did not see it fulfilled in his lifetime.

Isaiah must have felt unhappy, sad, and questioned if he had actually heard from God. I imagined that he even doubted what God said, would happen.

His feelings didn’t stop or delay the promise because when God says a thing, he always bring it to pass regardless of the time. Because he’s working on his timeline not on ours.

Isaiah’s doubt did hinder God. Of course we were not told that he felt this way, this is my imagination. I believe as a human being, he may have felt some form of disappointment at not seeing the promise come to pass.

So let me encourage you as you continue to wait for what you’ve heard God said to you, your doubts, discouragement, tears and even your seemingly faithlessness will not stop God because His promises will always come to pass. He is not a man that he should lie.

Just hold on, for Just like the Christmas story came to pass and a miracle baby was born hundreds of years after he was promised, so will your promise child be born in your lifetime because God is faithful.

Isaiah was the prophet God used by to foretell of his coming son. Be encouraged, that which you have been promised will come to pass.

Your partner in hope

Debi

Christmas and waiting, Advent: Season of Hope,

Celebratory seasons, Advent: Walking in Our shoes, Ad, The Christmas Promise

Advent: Walking in Our shoes

The story of Christmas is about Jesus coming as a baby. I have written about how the festivities surrounding this time of the year isn’t the reason he came.

One of the reasons he came was to step in to our world, to experience what it is like to be human.

The expression walking in someone’s else’s shoe is so apt here.

The Christ of Christmas came and lived amongst us, saw you in your world, your ache, your pain of waiting, witness the ache you felt from loss.

Saw you in the hospital gown as you wait for yet another egg extraction and another retriever, saw the pain of negative test etched on your face.

He came to your world and saw you and he knows the sadness loss, delays and disappointments brings, he knows how you feel right now. Because he experienced those same feelings too, while here on earth.

His life here on earth wasn’t palatable because even before he drew his first breath as a human, he was despised and rejected.

But Because he loves you and wants to show His love in the most insane way possible, he stepped into your world and walked where you are today.

As you continue in your own journey of trying, stop and think about this knowledge, he knows.

Be encouraged with this hope, comfort and assurance.

Because the reality is that he too left the comfort of His palace and came as a helpless baby. Galatians 3:4-5. 

Think about it.

For me he came. O a love so pure and true. That a king would come for me. O the wonder of it, I will never know.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

Related post.

The Possbilities of Christmas , Advent: Day 7, His perfect plan., Advent: Season of Hope, Christmas and waiting::Faith Vs Fear

Undergoing Fertility treatment in an age of COVID.

 

Recently a friend of mine shared the good news of her pregnancy. I was so excited for the family as this will be her second child. The first being almost 9 years old.

She’s a medical doctor, pregnant from IVF, a key worker and dealing with the all of that in COVID era is just daunting.

So earlier on during the second wave which hit the UK  at the beginning of the year, the family decided to minimise their interaction with the outside world. One of the things they did was not to send their daughter into school as part of the key workers program. My friend, reduced and limited her interaction with patients, by working 2 days a week. Happy to say the pregnancy has progressed on and she’s doing just fine.

How do you navigate through your treatment during this covid era? It is bad enough prior to covid, now patients have so many other precautions to take, from wearing a mask, social distancing to limit or eliminate completely interaction with those outside your house hold.

There is so much uncertain which comes with any IVF pregnancy any way. One of which is the constant fear that something might go wrong. I have been there and that right until I had my baby in my hands, I lived with the fear that something may still go wrong.

I think the fear was born from years of disappointment and the previously failed pregnancy or miscarriages or other delays an IVF couple may have suffered.

Now add a pandemic to the mix and you have an additional foe to contend with.

So here are some suggestions to take if you are undergoing fertility treatment are pregnant from treatment or are hoping to start treatment soon.

  1. Be cautious at all times. Like my friend, limit your interactions to if, necessary those within your household or within your bubble.
  2. Limit your bubble to a few immediate families, like parents  or a brother or sister. The reason being that they too might have a bubble and you don’t want to form a bubble with anyone whom you cannot trust.
  3. Work from home if your job allows it. If not, discuss alternative working patterns with your employer. You can possibly start later or earlier when the office is not at full capacity. If you company can, they should be able to make your place of work covid safe. So a discussion with your employer is vital at the onset.
  4. If you have to go out, social distancing is a must. Maintain 3 to 6 feet from anyone not from the same household. I have often called on my friend and stood 7 feet from her, sometimes we have had to hold a conversation with raised voices.
  5. Always wear a mask, find out the best mast avaliabile and make sure you always have one handy. I keep packets of mask in every handbag.
  6. Frequently disinfect whatever surface you work on.
  7. Regularly wash your hand and use a sanitizer after touching any food product or if you have been in a public place.
  8. Abstain from touching your face, it is an impossible feat I know, but being mindful of the dangers the virus presents, should spur you to act accordingly.
  9. Limit out doors adventures if you can help it. Only go out if it is absolutely necessary and your partner is unavailable to help, for instance choose the quietest time of the day for your walks or park visits, your commute to walk or the shops.
  10. And finally have your groceries delivered, this will save you time and give you peace of mind.

This is not ideal I know, but it will be worth it in the end when you hold your beautiful baby in your arms.

I wish you every success as you embark on this exciting new phase of your life.

Your partner in hope.

D’ebi

Relevant/related post

How to Cope With the Stress of Infertility

Strategies to cope while in lockdown

Treatment and COVID-19

 

Extraordinary Acts Of Love

What would you do for the ones you love? Anything I imagine. Anything which is legal.

I was so touched to read this story of a mum who is pregnant with her grandchild after her daughter’s failed IVF attempts.

Today’s post explore the involvement of others in the journey towards parenthood.

Very often we hear of extra ordinary acts of love and kindness from strangers and we expect such acts from family members as well. But when it comes to child bearing, this is usually the preserve of the couples involved and in some cases, with the help of their fertility clinic.

However, to see a mother step into the gap to help her daughter in this way is really unconditional love on display. It takes the meaning “I will do anything for my child”to a whole new level.

The Seattle Times reported on June the 22nd 2020, of how Ms Loving reached the decision to become a gestation carrier for her daughter.

She’s watched her daughter’s several IVF attempts and seen the suffering , the heart ache caused by multiple rounds of IVFs, miscarriages etc.

Now Mrs Loving is pregnant with the biological baby of her daughter and son-in-law. As her daughter Breanna Lockwood puts it

“She’s the oven”.

So many emotions is involved with being pregnant. To experience them for your daughter and to know you are carrying your grandchild is pretty special.

So if you are still waiting for your own little miracle, and have tried everything but using a surrogate, consider this as an options available to you. We have written about it here https://faithfulwait.com/2020/02/29/surrogacy-i-call-it-a-helping-hand/

Not everyone is within the medical age of child bearing, so this story is pretty special.

When to Use a Surrogate.

Using a surrogate is usually considered in situations where carrying the baby becomes a risk to the health and life of the mother.

Surrogate is considered in the following cases

A would be mother has a medical condition that makes it impossible or dangerous to get pregnant or give birth.

Recurrent loss either naturally or via IVF.

On the advice of a medical professional

where the biological mother is past the age considered medically at risk to carry a child.

Who to consider as your surrogate.

Who can you approach?

Who’s in your close network? Is there a sister or friend whom you trust and know can and will do this Unconditionally?

Has anyone in your cycle of friendship and family or work, express their willingness to step in?

Consider having the conversation with them and your partner.

There is so much involved with fertility treatments, so ideally someone younger and healthy should be considered.

Consider the legal implications and the cost of the process.

consider the medical cost and any other commitments involved.

Preferably use an agency to work out the fine details before embarking on any final arrangements.

Finally, believe in the process, remain positive and hopeful and you will see your miracle.

Above all, don’t give up.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Source

Www.hfea.gov.uk

Seattletimes.com

Related Post.

https://faithfulwait.com/2020/03/10/surrogacy-finding-a-surrogate/

Speak Out

The struggles one goes through while battening infertility are numerous. I use to feel like the journey will never come to an end. I felt helpless by the lack of a diagnosis.

Amongst other issues I felt there was no one I can talk to. Everyone around me had a baby, no one struggled the same way I perceived , who will understand? I did not feel I could speak to those who walked the same road, but I was wrong.

I just needed to speak out. Find a medium and speak about it. I did do something I began to write and the moment I did, my journey of hope began. I no longer felt alone.

I found a support I never knew was there. Writing also helped me to open up and offer support to others.

When we bottle our feelings we close the doors to allowing ourselves to experience release from pain and fear. Our hopes remain bottled up.

Reading about the struggles of Gaberiella Union in her journey through infertility is encouraging.

As she said, “it’s either I am currently undergoing a cycle, coming out of a treatment or preparing for one”. Speaking out releases and helps her deal with the process.

Read the article here

https://www.purewow.com/news/gabrielle-union-fertility-struggles

She’d like to tell women going through the same thing, to overcome the fear of hiding it. “Just know if you are out there having fertility issues,” she said, “you are not alone.”

That’s my encouragement to you. You are not alone.speak out, and you will find renewed hope and support.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi