The Pain Of Miscarriage.

I don’t want to talk about this as it reminds me of the pain I suffered due to two miscarriages.

You never forget the children you never had. Those lost in still birth or via miscarriage.

So when I learnt that my younger sister was had preeclampsia I prayed and waited, hoping that both she and the baby will somehow make it.

It was not to be. Sadly an emergency CS had to be done as it was clear her life was in danger.

She got married at 39, sadly she had a Broken relationship later in life which meant that she met her now husband at 39, she got pregnant almost immediately but, she suffered a loss at 12 weeks.

Then began the 3 year wait to get pregnant again, just as she was about to embark on fertility treatment she fell pregnant.

We were elated and watched as she blossomed. She was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia at 26 weeks.

Her blood pressure had raced through roof. Sadly this affected the placenta as a the baby was unable to get vita nutrients. At 28 weeks no heart beat was detected.

Miscarriage It a very lonely and isolated experience one only spoken about once we have a happy ending.

I spoke with her during and after it all. She was heart broken and confused, she was almost there. This pain is like on other.

After a few days she’s starting to come to the realisation that she’s not going to be a mum this year, that she will feel a pang of pain whenever she sees a pregnant woman.

She’s grateful for the encouragement she’s received so far.

I told her not to give up.

I asked the Lord to help heal and give her strength to ear the loss and replace her morning with dancing again.

She feels she should have done something different, anyone who’s suffered miscarriage feels this somehow.

Severe high blood pressure which was over of 190/120 is no ones fault I told her.

I am hopeful and pray that she will come through this somehow and have a happy ending eventually.

For he makes all things beautiful in His time.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Relevant post.

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/05/15/purpose-in-pain/

Purpose in Pain

Sometimes suffering takes us to a place we never expected and in the process we may find our true purpose.

Going through infertility led me where I am today, while I am still finding my purpose I can say i am on the right path.

I was touched recently on reading the stories of those whose fertility journey did not have the ending they hoped for.

Those who remained childless and gave up trying either for health reasons, age related reasons or the unbearable pain and heart ache infertility brought.

These all fought and have sadly ended their fight.

One friend I know decided to stop trying at 50, for health reasons. She had under gone lots of IVFs which left her health worse than when she began.

I first knew there was something special about her when we met.

There was always a smile behind her eyes masking years of pain. A tenderness about her that immediately puts everyone at easy, a softness in her look that speaks peace.

Her story of trying and failing ended with her having a deeper personal experience with her maker, she later got a job helping to care for sick babies. It was during a chance encounter that led her to what she called her true purpose.

Her job made her realise how deep human emotions runs and how useful she could be to humanity. She has channelled all her motherly love to tender and care for these little “Angels”.

Her job has strangely has brought peace and the hurt she felt is now replaced by sweetness and gentleness only those with a good spirit can boast of.

Her story may not have ended with a child but it continues and she found her true calling and purpose and in so doing found joy and worth.

Her pain led her here where she is today.

My encouragement-to you today is

to find your purpose in your pain. It may seem the furthest thing from your thoughts right now while facing infertility, miscarriage or loss of a child.

As you journey on, keep your eyes on the master, ask him for vision for the future and purpose in this pain.

There’s still hope, thought all may seem lost, keep your gaze on the master

His purposes will unfold in time.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Easter and Infertility.

The Lonely Journey of Infertility

When I think of the journey of  Jesus to the cross I realised how lonely it must have been for him.

The process leading to the Cross was one of shame.

He felt abandoned by His father,

He felt  alone as His most trusted friends ran for their lives.

No one wanted to be associated with Him for fear of being killed.

In that moment, when he faced death and breath His last, he asked His father why he was abandoned.

The more I speak to those who have walked or currently on this journey of waiting, the more it becomes apparent how lonely it can get. The notion that there is a community out there seem remote.

Infertility is still a lonely journey.

No one to talk to, fear of being stigmatised, the feeling of shame causes us to bottle it up than open up to anyone.

I am particularly drawn to the two women who went to anoint his body, and wondered who will rolled the stone away. There was an obstacle at the entrance of the tomb, A Stone.

Who will roll away the stone?

The stone is big, two women alone can’t rolled it a way. It will take more than 2 women to roll it away. Who will roll away the stone?

You may be asking yourself right now:

Who will take away this pain of trying?

How will this end?

Will I ever have a child?

But we know how the story ends, although it seemed liked death had won, at the time he was nailed to the cross and put in the tomb.

When he got up on Easter Sunday, truly, God’s purpose for the suffering he endured was unfolded.

Be encouraged by the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, you may have a stone like problem right now.

Just as the miracle of resurrection happened all those years ago, you will experience a miracle of birth, you too will rise up from the ashes of infertility to new life.

Trust in him, hope in Him, call on Him and you will have help.

A stone like problem? Give it to Jesus.

Happy Easter

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related reading

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/07/25/keeping-hope-alive/

Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

I have previous written about the struggles of Gabriella Union  (46) in my post

speak out”.

In her interview to pure woman she told a heartbreaking story of going through 7-8 miscarriage. What pain she must have gone through. .

She found out that she has adenomyosis, which is endometriosis of the uterus. It occurs when the endometrial tissue, the same tissue that lines the uterus, grows into the the muscular wall of the uterus, causing intense period pain, prolonged and heavy menstrual bleeding and, in severe cases like Union’s, infertility.

Union did not give up, and than masked the problem which she felt they were doing by advising her to go on the pills, she felt the problem where being masked.

Fast forward to November 7 she and her husband Dwayne Wade  welcomes a beautiful Miracle baby girl via surrogacy.

Her Instagram post is one of pure joy. You can tell that although the road leading to this was littered with pain and tears it was also hope and faith filled.

She did not give up, when her body said no, she sought other option, surrogacy.

A cation on one of her Instagram post was “This little dynamo reminds me to never give up on my dreams “.

I wanted to share this story with you because it is one of faith, hope, and the miracle of having a baby against all odds.

You too maybe at a point where it seems all Hope is lost, you have tried and tried but still nothing seems to be happening.

Don’t give up, try and try again.

Explore the options available to you, do hide away in grief. Speak out. And seek help..

You deserve a baby you deserve to experience the joy of that first smile and many more afterwards. .

Joy and and hope is not the presence of a few.you too can and I hope will become a mum as you with hope, faith and vigor try one more time.

If you want to know more about surrogacy please see previous post here

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Painful Decision

I love doing this, bringing awareness and hope to those on this journey.

This post will feature the story of a dear friend and their painful infertility journey.

Infertility is a destroyer of relationships, love and happiness.

A once happy vibrant couple can become bitter resentful and sometimes split as a result of the intensity brought on by infertility. The inability to conceive or birth a child can take away one’s hopes and dreams.

Izzy was once a vibrant, happy go lucky woman, she loves life, her job and her faith. She was 26 when she met David a simple happy guy, they were perfect for each other. After dating for one year they decided to tie the knot.

Before their wedding they made a private vow to never ever allow anything to change who they are. They love their carefree happy life and vowed to do everything to make sure it stayed that way.

They even wrote a poem to emphasis the point.

Our love will grow and may slow,

We may sail down paths unknown and encounter scenes unseen

But we will keep in view the picture of love that keeps us bound and sane.

And should we tread the path of pain

May we anchor to you our source of strength and eternal hope.

this was printed and placed in their living room. Wedding was celebrate in the simplest way possible and a year later they decided to try for baby. Little did they know fate had other plans waiting for them.

This decision changed the course of their lives and relationships. After a year of trying without success they sought help. By now Izzy was 28 and David 30.

Low sperm count how is that possible? David mused, why me, how how can it be. Several options for conception were presented to them, donor sperm, IVF, ISCI, AI.

David was not an excessive drinker, never smoked, never used drugs, he lived a healthy life. How is that possible? turns out he may have been born that way.

They decided to explore other options. They embraced all treatments option wholeheartedly, still nothing. Izzy was very supportive and finally  David agreed they should go for IVF Using a donor sperm.

THE PROCESS

The process was successful and implantation took place, then pregnancy.. they remained hopeful but were cautious, this was their first conception. Please Lord they prayed, may nothing go wrong.

But 2 month in, disaster struck, suddenly all symptoms stopped and she immediately knew something was wrong.

A scan confirmed their worst fear, no heartbeat was detected. They had suffered a miscarriage.

This loss was very difficult  particularly given their situation, needless to say they were both heart broken. David more so as he felt helpless and guilty, how is he supposed to help his wife, he is the cause yet he can’t do anything about it.

It was an intense period of grief for them. How can they come so close only to be still so far.

It was too painful and this led them to take the painful decision not to go down the IVF rout again.

Their Decision?

If it happens so be it. But they will not put themselves, their happiness, well being and relationship on the line.

This was by no means an easy decision for the couple mainly because David  has a low spent count.

Sadly I have met quite a few couples who have decided not to pursue their dream of being parents via IVF as a result of the intense pain and heartbreak suffered from miscarriage or failure.

We came close to making that choice as each miscarriage and failed IVF becomes more lingual than the last.

I found the pain of another failure more intense than the last.

THE FUTURE

Well 3 years down the line Izzy and David  have somehow rebuilt their lives again and are well on their way to the coupe they were before IVF.

How did they do it? Find our in the next article. Ways to come back from a failed treatment.

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/09/22/exploring-other-options/

Nadia Sawalha feared miscarriages were a ‘punishment’ – Female First

https://apple.news/A5zQGMNeUR0KCiBqPTDLtGA

I have previously written about the grief accompanying an abortion. The feeling never leaves you.

The loss of a child due miss-carriages or abortion never goes away. It hunts you even after going on to have other children. I was taken in by the story of Nadia which highlights the heartache caused by a abortion.

My hope for anyone who is waiting is that you will find peace in the present.

Be rid of guilt and embrace the possibilities of what is ahead.

Your Partner In Hope

D’ebi

Read More »

Our Hope For The New Year.

Now the Year is over,

The next has drawn near.

With nothing written in it, yet.

One where we hope our dreams and desires will be fulfilled.

Our eyes are looking, waiting and hoping that this year we will experience greater joy, peace, and unity.

O dear fellow earthly traveller, as you journey into another year, who or what will you lean on?

Earthly strength? Did that help you this year?

Earthly wealth? How did you fare? Perhaps wealth brought you health.

Earthly friends? Did they desert you or where they a present help in your time of need?

Earthly possessions? Did they bring you great joy or sadness?

What did you find comfort in this year?

Was the joy you found lasting or do think something else was needed?

As you step into the Next Year, I implore you to

let God be your strength, for His strength never fails.

Let Him be your guide for He leads in the right path.

Let Him be your friend for His is faithful and will never fail.

Let Him be your riches for His storehouses never runs out.

Let Him be your health for He comes with healing in his wings.

Let Him be your help for He is a present help in trouble.

Let Him be your light for He is the light of the World and in Him there is no darkness.

Let Him be all that you need and will ever want, in Him dwells are the fulfillment of everything.

Make a Him your top priority and you will enjoy a peaceful and successful Year.

Happy New Year.

your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi