Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Advertisements

A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

The Christmas Promise

So here’s what I decided to do this first day of advent and throughout this advent period, post encouraging words for those in waiting.

Christmas and the period leading up to it are usually the loneliest for the heart in waiting.

As the season unfolds, the couple in waiting is usually not the focus, instead a baby in a manger is. How do you relate to this? How do you celebrate the birth of a child when your hearts desires lingers.

So on this first day of advent I want to encourage you with this words taken from Jeremiah 33:14-15.

The days are coming declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the gracious promise that I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.

In those days and in that time, I will make a righteous shoot sprout from David’s line.

He will maintain justice and righteousness in the land.

I was reminded of this scriptures recently and encouraged by it. It’s comforting to know that God still fulfills promises.

The birth of Jesus was the fulfilment of the gracious promise he made to the house of Israel and Judah. He honoured the promised and it happened exactly as he said it would. Jesus came from David’s line and he maintained justice and righteousness in the land.

So as we approach the season of merriment be encouraged. Hold on to the promise he made to you. He said there shall be none barren or miscarriage in your home. Hold on to this and remind him of his word.

The days are coming when he will fulfil the gracious promise he made to you.

Just as Christ was the promised future hope and in His birth, death and resurrection the promise was fulfilled.

So too, he will birth in you a hope that will see you through to the fulfilment of his gracious promise.

So let not your heart be troubled.

Your Partner in Hope

D’ebi

Read More »

Don’t Quit

For those waiting for anything, giving up is always an option.

The thought of quitting is ever present especially when the battle is fierce.

Why should I carry on I use to ask myself? I Have a perfectly good Ife with the best man ever. Together we can travel the world and live as “DINKs”. (Double Income No Kids).

These thoughts where constantly present especially after a hard fought battle.

I came across this poem while trying and kept it in my diary.

I was encouraged by it to stay the course and I hope it encourages you too.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When The Road you’re trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smoke but you have to sign.Trust in the Lord and don’t quit.

Life is strange with its twist and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a person turns about.

When he might have worn had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up. Though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night came down. How close he was to the golden crown.

Remember this truth when you start to doubt; Success is failure turned inside out;

Stick to the fight when you are harder hit. It’s when things seems worse that you mustn’t quit.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Full Life: October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss.

October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss. 

Usually when we remember those we have lost it is with sadness and a deep sense of wishes. 

I dedicate this poem to you during this month.

I want you to remember all the good things you have become as a result of your story. You have had a full life not an empty one. 

My life is full because of you. I may not yet hold you in my arms but you do exist in my thought, vision and reality. 
I thought I lost you when I bled, it did seem so, but through this valley I found stength and faithto carry on.

My heart is filled with hope bursting with joy at the prospect of what will be. 

My heart is fertile, better, bigger and full with love. Love that I will bequeat on anyone desevering or not. 

Today i remember you with love not sadness. For I know I carry you always in my heart. 
Your partner in waiting 

D’Ebi

Grieving The Past.

I was recently trying to catch up with some of the old episodes of the Good Wife’, the American soap based on a working mother, Alisha. One of the episode reminded me of how I use to grief about the past
In one scene Alisha went back in time and grieved for Will “the past love” she never knew Will had for her.
It was very emotional  to see that she really was suffering and heartbroken at what might have been if she knew.

Grieving the past is so real when it comes to infertility and loss. Our grief is made worse when something happens to remind us of what we could have had.

Having suffered multiple miscarriages and failed treatment cycle, my grieve was always front and centre whenever I see a child or am confronted with the news of another pregnancy. I am reminded of what may never be.

My struggle with the past was real. I always  felt heartbroken to think I may not experience the love of my child.

Allowing the past to dictate our present or future can leave us trapped in misery, unable to move forward to the possibility of future successes. See related post on Coping with Miscarriage and Loss

I hated being miserable and also knew that a healthy mind is necessary if I was to fulfil my dream of becoming a mother. So it was necessary to let go of past pains. I determined to be resolute, to wilful put the past behind. This decision did not come easily, but I was able to immerse myself in other interests which helped me leg go of the past pains .

Aside from being Mindful, I also had to

  1. Acknowledge that it is normal to hurt and to remember what I have suffered: If this pieces describes you, do not feel guilty about remembering your pain, it is a natural human emotions. Sometimes we berate ourselves for allowing the past to invade our minds. Free yourself from the guilt of looking back and acknowledge that it is a normal thing to do.
  2. Share Your Pain: One of the areas ‘Waiters’ fall short of  is sharing their pain. For me this was certainly the case.” Who will understand”? I often mused. Carrying the burden alone makes it harder to get rid of. There is an old saying ‘a burden shared is a burden halved’. Often we find release when we share our worries. There is a purpose in your pain. Find someone you can talk to, your partner, a caring friend, a Facebook group or other local support group. Do not suffer alone. Sharing helps us cope with the burden and for me it made the burden lighter.
  3. Seek Help. If your past pain has left you crippled and afraid to try again. Seek help. Your local health practitioner will point you in the right direction. Get some counselling to help you deal with the pain.
  4. Try, try and try again. The best way to get over a disappointment is to try again if you are able to. All hope is not lost, positive virtualization will help you focus on a different image of yourself. 
  5. Set Your Mind To Be Happy. Personally I don’t like being sad. I had to wilfully decide to stop grieving NO Matter what. Set your mind and determine to put the past behind.

Have you suffered lost? Maybe you had an abortion as a teenager and now you blame that act for your current reality. Maybe you let go of a good guy or girl for your current partner and now you feel guilty for causing pain.

Your situation is no fault of yours. Having shared your burden, sought help and acknowledge your grief. You maybe in a better place to try again knowing that your story is still unravelling.

The disappointments of the past can be a springboard to the victories of the future. Set your mind free from what could have been and look forward to what is possible if you try.

Abound in hope as you wait and for your own little burden of joy.

Related Post: The Pain of Miscarriage,Past Pains. ,Keeping Hope Alive

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Don’t Settle 

I choose this title because the easiest thing in the world is to stop trying.

Trying brings pain and in that moment when one is trying, we are tempted to stay where we are and settle.
There was a time I tried unsuccessfully to get another job.

I stopped trying for a while and lost track of where I was. I was encouraged to start again and was shocked at how far back I have to go to start over.

What happens when we settle:

I have come to realise that settling for less and giving up takes us back a few steps when and if we do decide to start again. 

So my encouragement to you today is “ don’t settle”.

Don’t settle for a present when you know your future is more than what you have right now.

Don’t settle for a life without children when you know you can be a parent.

Why should you quit? Yes you have tried and failed several times, believe, find a way to keep going if you so wish.

But never settle for a lesser future when you know you can have more.
The pain of settling maybe worse than your current situation. This is because settling may take the pressure off temporarily, but may not bring you joy unless it is what you want deep within, joy will elude you.

As you may never know what is on the other side if you had kept trying. 

You may pause while trying to figure things out, and seek guidance for the next step, but don’t stop when difficulty or pain comes knocking.

You can begin where you are right now to start over if you have settled and given up. Don’t settle, but rather set your goals and set yourself up for the next phase of your life….

Go back, what new test can you taken?

What new treatment can you afford?

What have you over looked?

And even after you have done all you can,
Don’t settle.

Your friend and faithful partner
D’Ebi

Past Pains. 

Today I met a beautiful friend of mine with 3 special people in tow. Over coffee we reminisce our past. The pains of waiting. 

The tears we shared over unwanted medical results and the fears we entertained on the possibility of never being a mum.

The sadness at being judged for not having kids, the trepidations we felt while waiting at the Dr’s office and the intense pain from yet another failed cycle.  

The endless questions of when will it be?

Today we drank coffee while our kids played with play doh. Together we watched them played snakes and ladders and them boss each other around.  

Today we smiled, laughed and scolded those little monkeys, but most of all today we looked back with gratitude. We counted our blessings and said a prayer for those still waiting for their miracle. 

Today was the yesterday we hoped and prayed for. 

Nothing is special about us, except we choose to hope and continue in the faces of negative results and reports.

We never gave up hope. 

When against all odds we were told our wombs cannot carry a child because it was badly scared, we hoped.

When we were told our situation was unexplained, we hoped.

When we were told no egg was viable from yet another IVF treatment we just, we hoped.

When friends after friends had babies and we go away from every christening crying, because we felt like failures, we hoped.

Today our hope is a reality. Our desires, living, talking, breathing and laughing. 

Today I encourage you to hold on, draw strength from within and keep hope alive. 

I can only ask that you look at my story and believe that perhaps your you desires too will become real.