A Painful Decision

I love doing this, bringing awareness and hope to those on this journey.

This post will feature the story of a dear friend and their painful infertility journey.

Infertility is a destroyer of relationships, love and happiness.

A once happy vibrant couple can become bitter resentful and sometimes split as a result of the intensity brought on by infertility. The inability to conceive or birth a child can take away one’s hopes and dreams.

Izzy was once a vibrant, happy go lucky woman, she loves life, her job and her faith. She was 26 when she met David a simple happy guy, they were perfect for each other. After dating for one year they decided to tie the knot.

Before their wedding they made a private vow to never ever allow anything to change who they are. They love their carefree happy life and vowed to do everything to make sure it stayed that way.

They even wrote a poem to emphasis the point.

Our love will grow and may slow,

We may sail down paths unknown and encounter scenes unseen

But we will keep in view the picture of love that keeps us bound and sane.

And should we tread the path of pain

May we anchor to you our source of strength and eternal hope.

this was printed and placed in their living room. Wedding was celebrate in the simplest way possible and a year later they decided to try for baby. Little did they know fate had other plans waiting for them.

This decision changed the course of their lives and relationships. After a year of trying without success they sought help. By now Izzy was 28 and David 30.

Low sperm count how is that possible? David mused, why me, how how can it be. Several options for conception were presented to them, donor sperm, IVF, ISCI, AI.

David was not an excessive drinker, never smoked, never used drugs, he lived a healthy life. How is that possible? turns out he may have been born that way.

They decided to explore other options. They embraced all treatments option wholeheartedly, still nothing. Izzy was very supportive and finally  David agreed they should go for IVF Using a donor sperm.

THE PROCESS

The process was successful and implantation took place, then pregnancy.. they remained hopeful but were cautious, this was their first conception. Please Lord they prayed, may nothing go wrong.

But 2 month in, disaster struck, suddenly all symptoms stopped and she immediately knew something was wrong.

A scan confirmed their worst fear, no heartbeat was detected. They had suffered a miscarriage.

This loss was very difficult  particularly given their situation, needless to say they were both heart broken. David more so as he felt helpless and guilty, how is he supposed to help his wife, he is the cause yet he can’t do anything about it.

It was an intense period of grief for them. How can they come so close only to be still so far.

It was too painful and this led them to take the painful decision not to go down the IVF rout again.

Their Decision?

If it happens so be it. But they will not put themselves, their happiness, well being and relationship on the line.

This was by no means an easy decision for the couple mainly because David  has a low spent count.

Sadly I have met quite a few couples who have decided not to pursue their dream of being parents via IVF as a result of the intense pain and heartbreak suffered from miscarriage or failure.

We came close to making that choice as each miscarriage and failed IVF becomes more lingual than the last.

I found the pain of another failure more intense than the last.

THE FUTURE

Well 3 years down the line Izzy and David  have somehow rebuilt their lives again and are well on their way to the coupe they were before IVF.

How did they do it? Find our in the next article. Ways to come back from a failed treatment.

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/09/22/exploring-other-options/

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Nadia Sawalha feared miscarriages were a ‘punishment’ – Female First

https://apple.news/A5zQGMNeUR0KCiBqPTDLtGA

I have previously written about the grief accompanying an abortion. The feeling never leaves you.

The loss of a child due miss-carriages or abortion never goes away. It hunts you even after going on to have other children. I was taken in by the story of Nadia which highlights the heartache caused by a abortion.

My hope for anyone who is waiting is that you will find peace in the present.

Be rid of guilt and embrace the possibilities of what is ahead.

Your Partner In Hope

D’ebi

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Our Hope For The New Year.

Now the Year is over,

The next has drawn near.

With nothing written in it, yet.

One where we hope our dreams and desires will be fulfilled.

Our eyes are looking, waiting and hoping that this year we will experience greater joy, peace, and unity.

O dear fellow earthly traveller, as you journey into another year, who or what will you lean on?

Earthly strength? Did that help you this year?

Earthly wealth? How did you fare? Perhaps wealth brought you health.

Earthly friends? Did they desert you or where they a present help in your time of need?

Earthly possessions? Did they bring you great joy or sadness?

What did you find comfort in this year?

Was the joy you found lasting or do think something else was needed?

As you step into the Next Year, I implore you to

let God be your strength, for His strength never fails.

Let Him be your guide for He leads in the right path.

Let Him be your friend for His is faithful and will never fail.

Let Him be your riches for His storehouses never runs out.

Let Him be your health for He comes with healing in his wings.

Let Him be your help for He is a present help in trouble.

Let Him be your light for He is the light of the World and in Him there is no darkness.

Let Him be all that you need and will ever want, in Him dwells are the fulfillment of everything.

Make a Him your top priority and you will enjoy a peaceful and successful Year.

Happy New Year.

your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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The Christmas Promise

So here’s what I decided to do this first day of advent and throughout this advent period, post encouraging words for those in waiting.

Christmas and the period leading up to it are usually the loneliest for the heart in waiting.

As the season unfolds, the couple in waiting is usually not the focus, instead a baby in a manger is. How do you relate to this? How do you celebrate the birth of a child when your hearts desires lingers.

So on this first day of advent I want to encourage you with this words taken from Jeremiah 33:14-15.

The days are coming declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the gracious promise that I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.

In those days and in that time, I will make a righteous shoot sprout from David’s line.

He will maintain justice and righteousness in the land.

I was reminded of this scriptures recently and encouraged by it. It’s comforting to know that God still fulfills promises.

The birth of Jesus was the fulfilment of the gracious promise he made to the house of Israel and Judah. He honoured the promised and it happened exactly as he said it would. Jesus came from David’s line and he maintained justice and righteousness in the land.

So as we approach the season of merriment be encouraged. Hold on to the promise he made to you. He said there shall be none barren or miscarriage in your home. Hold on to this and remind him of his word.

The days are coming when he will fulfil the gracious promise he made to you.

Just as Christ was the promised future hope and in His birth, death and resurrection the promise was fulfilled.

So too, he will birth in you a hope that will see you through to the fulfilment of his gracious promise.

So let not your heart be troubled.

Your Partner in Hope

D’ebi

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Don’t Quit

For those waiting for anything, giving up is always an option.

The thought of quitting is ever present especially when the battle is fierce.

Why should I carry on I use to ask myself? I Have a perfectly good Ife with the best man ever. Together we can travel the world and live as “DINKs”. (Double Income No Kids).

These thoughts where constantly present especially after a hard fought battle.

I came across this poem while trying and kept it in my diary.

I was encouraged by it to stay the course and I hope it encourages you too.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When The Road you’re trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smoke but you have to sign.Trust in the Lord and don’t quit.

Life is strange with its twist and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a person turns about.

When he might have worn had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up. Though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night came down. How close he was to the golden crown.

Remember this truth when you start to doubt; Success is failure turned inside out;

Stick to the fight when you are harder hit. It’s when things seems worse that you mustn’t quit.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi