Category: Miscarriage

Reason To Celebrate

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My best friends birthday was approaching, It was a significant milestone. I remembered planning ahead trying to figure out what we’re going to do for her.

I contacted her to find out what she had planned, I persisted in asking her until she said “I won’t be having any celebration”.

I sort of expected it because I’ve known for over 20 years and I have never celebrated a birthday with her or celebrated her birthday. I knew her reasons. However, I did not think that such a milestone would go uncelebrated.

She’s single and not currently in a relationship, she’s approaching the age where having children is considered risky, she’s premenopausal. She is in between jobs and between homes.

The last few years have been really difficult for her having lost her dad, which means both parents will not be around when and if she eventually gets married and have children.

Lack of success and achievement in certain areas of our lives, leaves us disappointed and robbed.

You too may be asking yourself as Christmas approaches, what’s there to celebrate?

Our lives are measured by our achievements, the absence of which deemed us failures.

There is a perceived natural progression of ones life, grow up, go to school, meet your partner, graduate, get married, have children and live happily ever after.

As I’ve come to know, life isn’t always a straight line from A to Z. Life will take you from N to B and, from S to W and back again from V to K.

Live doesn’t give you what you order, God does. Life doesn’t give you what you expect, faith in God does. Life doesn’t give you what you think you should have, trust and hope in God does.

And as a result of not getting to those milestones we decide what, when to celebrate and how to celebrate.

Celebration is not about things. We celebrate because we look inside ourselves and we know that regardless of where we are and how far we still have to go, we have a reason to be thankful because a lot of people did not get as far as we have come.

We are thankful because against all odds, are still standing. we reflect on the good we have in our lives.

 I want to encourage you today,  If you find yourself void of joy, void of any enthusiasm to celebrate let the births of Christ inspire you.

What is there to celebrate?

For starters, your health, Your amazing support group, The families in your life. For the strength to keep going, your nieces and nephews, for your job.

Count your blessings, and let your focus well on God’s goodness, not on the absence of should have been.

Our cup is not half empty but half full.

This Christmas rejoice in the fullness of joy that Christ brought when he came into our world. This is why we celebrate.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related pieces

Celebratory seasons, Celebrating Mother’s day,In Silence, True Light, A Costly Gift, God’s unchanging nature, GOT A BIG STONE PROBLEM?, Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

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In Silence

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In quietness lies strength

I sit still, with my hearts eyes upward looking,

I see seas of love and promises of peace

I am strengthen

In this quiet state

My gaze firmly fixed at something which seem within reach, yet so far away.

In silence, I ponder the future not with fear, or uncertainty

But a firm believe in what is promised and coming.

@D’Ebi

Strengthened, not Faulty. Behind The Scenes, Celebratory seasons, Not Inadequate Advent: Walking in Our shoes, Advent: Season of Hope, The Christmas Miracle, Unplanned Pregnancy,What is Going On?, Good News of Great Joy

A Glimpse of Hope

D'Ebi1 Comment

2022 has begun in earnest.

If for you the year holds so much promises on the 1st of January 2022 and now you look forward with trepidation because of a current situation, a news you receive, a disappointing diagnosis,

I want to encourage you to hold on and have faith. 

Faith to believe when the way is rough.
Faith to hang on when the going is tough.
Faith will pull you through.
Faith will help you glimpse a way out that will comfort you and give you strength to carry on.

Have faith.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related pieces

Faith Vs Fear, A pandemic Problem, Extraordinary Acts Of Love.

Blessings In Waiting

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Today we’re going to look at BLESSINGS IN WAITING.

I think trying or waiting for a child, child loss due to miscarriage or death is one of the most terrible experiences in anyones life.

I had two miscarriages, and sometimes I wonder what my unborn children would have looked like. Had they survived what ages will they be now. I have Come to terms with these loss, but I still wonder.

Anna is an example of a woman who yearned for a baby, she cried because she felt helpless at the delays, she saw her mates bearing children she saw how they relate with those children, she observed it all, day in and day out year in and out.

Elizabeth was also an example of one who waited. These blessings in waiting causes pain, we become entangled in the daily reality of the delay that we live in.

Everyone at one time or the other have experienced joy from having their prayers answered.

Have you ever waited for something, and got it?That desire was a blessing in waiting.

There was a time you waited for a job, for mortgage, for a life partner, for financial breakthrough. They were all blessings in waiting at one time or another.

When you look back, can you see that right now what you are waiting for may also come to pass, but in God’s own time and manner he chooses?

Let’s just pause and look back at those blessings in waiting which you now enjoy. I know how delays can lead us into a place of deep dissatisfaction inpatience and hopelessness.

I once had no children and spent days giving myself shots of IVF Injections, had 2 miscarriages from natural conceptions. But draw strength from those blessings in waiting that you now enjoy.

How do you explain that after eight years of waiting? Today, those blessings in waiting are my reality. I am living and enjoying my beautiful kids but I’m still waiting I’m waiting for a healing.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis from an early age. It is under control now due to a course of several potent medications.

While enjoying my blessings of children, I draw strength from the fact that the God who did that for me can also fulfil his promise of healing in my life.

I want you to draw strength from your current blessings while you wait for those yet to come.

Look at that wait and compare all the benefits you are enjoying right now and encourage yourself, if he did it before he would do it again.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

Related links

Christmas Traditions, The age question. The Christmas Miracle, Advent: Walking in Our shoes, Advent: Season of Hope , Christmas and waiting, Celebratory seasons.

The Pain Of Miscarriage.

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I don’t want to talk about this as it reminds me of the pain I suffered due to two miscarriages.

You never forget the children you never had. Those lost in still birth or via miscarriage.

So when I learnt that my younger sister had preeclampsia I prayed and waited, hoping that both she and the baby will somehow make it.

It was not to be. Sadly an emergency CS had to be done as it was clear her life was in danger.

She got married at 39, sadly she had a Broken relationship later in life which meant that she met her now husband at 39. She got pregnant almost immediately but, she suffered a loss at 12 weeks.

Then began the 3 year wait to get pregnant again, just as she was about to embark on fertility treatment she fell pregnant.

We were elated and watched as she blossomed. She was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia at 26 weeks.

Her blood pressure had raced through roof. Sadly this affected the placenta as a the baby was unable to get vita nutrients. At 28 weeks no heart beat was detected.

Miscarriage It a very lonely and isolated experience one only spoken about once we have a happy ending.

I spoke with her during and after it all. She was heart broken and confused, she was almost there. This pain is like on other.

After a few days she’s starting to come to the realisation that she’s not going to be a mum this year, that she will feel a pang of pain whenever she sees a pregnant woman.

She’s grateful for the encouragement she’s received so far.

I told her not to give up.

I asked the Lord to help heal and give her strength to bear the loss and replace her morning with dancing again.

She feels she should have done something different, anyone who’s suffered miscarriage feels like they should ha e done something. .

High blood pressure which was over 190/120 is no ones fault I told her.

I am hopeful and pray that she will come through this somehow and have a happy ending eventually.

For He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Relevant post.

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/05/15/purpose-in-pain/

Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

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I have previous written about the struggles of Gabriella Union  (46) in my post

“speak out”.

In her interview to pure woman she told a heartbreaking story of going through 7-8 miscarriage. What pain she must have gone through. .

She found out that she has adenomyosis, which is endometriosis of the uterus. It occurs when the endometrial tissue, the same tissue that lines the uterus, grows into the the muscular wall of the uterus, causing intense period pain, prolonged and heavy menstrual bleeding and, in severe cases like Union’s, infertility.

Union did not give up, and than masked the problem which she felt they were doing by advising her to go on the pills, she felt the problem where being masked.

Fast forward to November 7 she and her husband Dwayne Wade  welcomes a beautiful Miracle baby girl via surrogacy.

Her Instagram post is one of pure joy. You can tell that although the road leading to this was littered with pain and tears it was also hope and faith filled.

She did not give up, when her body said no, she sought other option, surrogacy.

A cation on one of her Instagram post was “This little dynamo reminds me to never give up on my dreams “.

I wanted to share this story with you because it is one of faith, hope, and the miracle of having a baby against all odds.

You too maybe at a point where it seems all Hope is lost, you have tried and tried but still nothing seems to be happening.

Don’t give up, try and try again.

Explore the options available to you, do hide away in grief. Speak out. And seek help..

You deserve a baby you deserve to experience the joy of that first smile and many more afterwards. .

Joy and and hope is not the presence of a few.you too can and I hope will become a mum as you with hope, faith and vigor try one more time.

If you want to know more about surrogacy please see previous post here

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Painful Decision

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I love doing this, bringing awareness and hope to those on this journey.

This post will feature the story of a dear friend and their painful infertility journey.

Infertility is a destroyer of relationships, love and happiness.

A once happy vibrant couple can become bitter resentful and sometimes split as a result of the intensity brought on by infertility. The inability to conceive or birth a child can take away one’s hopes and dreams.

Izzy was once a vibrant, happy go lucky woman, she loves life, her job and her faith. She was 26 when she met David a simple happy guy, they were perfect for each other. After dating for one year they decided to tie the knot.

Before their wedding they made a private vow to never ever allow anything to change who they are. They love their carefree happy life and vowed to do everything to make sure it stayed that way.

They even wrote a poem to emphasis the point.

Our love will grow and may slow,

We may sail down paths unknown and encounter scenes unseen

But we will keep in view the picture of love that keeps us bound and sane.

And should we tread the path of pain

May we anchor to you our source of strength and eternal hope.

this was printed and placed in their living room. Wedding was celebrate in the simplest way possible and a year later they decided to try for baby. Little did they know fate had other plans waiting for them.

This decision changed the course of their lives and relationships. After a year of trying without success they sought help. By now Izzy was 28 and David 30.

Low sperm count how is that possible? David mused, why me, how how can it be. Several options for conception were presented to them, donor sperm, IVF, ISCI, AI.

David was not an excessive drinker, never smoked, never used drugs, he lived a healthy life. How is that possible? turns out he may have been born that way.

They decided to explore other options. They embraced all treatments option wholeheartedly, still nothing. Izzy was very supportive and finally  David agreed they should go for IVF Using a donor sperm.

THE PROCESS

The process was successful and implantation took place, then pregnancy.. they remained hopeful but were cautious, this was their first conception. Please Lord they prayed, may nothing go wrong.

But 2 month in, disaster struck, suddenly all symptoms stopped and she immediately knew something was wrong.

A scan confirmed their worst fear, no heartbeat was detected. They had suffered a miscarriage.

This loss was very difficult  particularly given their situation, needless to say they were both heart broken. David more so as he felt helpless and guilty, how is he supposed to help his wife, he is the cause yet he can’t do anything about it.

It was an intense period of grief for them. How can they come so close only to be still so far.

It was too painful and this led them to take the painful decision not to go down the IVF rout again.

Their Decision?

If it happens so be it. But they will not put themselves, their happiness, well being and relationship on the line.

This was by no means an easy decision for the couple mainly because David  has a low spent count.

Sadly I have met quite a few couples who have decided not to pursue their dream of being parents via IVF as a result of the intense pain and heartbreak suffered from miscarriage or failure.

We came close to making that choice as each miscarriage and failed IVF becomes more lingual than the last.

I found the pain of another failure more intense than the last.

THE FUTURE

Well 3 years down the line Izzy and David  have somehow rebuilt their lives again and are well on their way to the coupe they were before IVF.

How did they do it? Find our in the next article. Ways to come back from a failed treatment.

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/09/22/exploring-other-options/

Nadia Sawalha feared miscarriages were a ‘punishment’ – Female First

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https://apple.news/A5zQGMNeUR0KCiBqPTDLtGA

I have previously written about the grief accompanying an abortion. The feeling never leaves you.

The loss of a child due miss-carriages or abortion never goes away. It hunts you even after going on to have other children. I was taken in by the story of Nadia which highlights the heartache caused by a abortion.

My hope for anyone who is waiting is that you will find peace in the present.

Be rid of guilt and embrace the possibilities of what is ahead.

Your Partner In Hope

D’ebi

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Coping with Miscarriage and Loss

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you can do tthis

The pain of miscarriage is so intense that even though I now have kids, I was unable to talk about it until recently.

I can only describe the moment when I realised I was losing my baby as unreal. I did not know what or how to feel. I was dumbfounded, confused, bemused, and had an out-of-body experience. It felt like it was not happening.

Such was my confusion, that I refused to think about what was happening. I shrugged it off and decided to go on with my plans for the day. In the hopes that when I return, everything will return to normal. I was wrong.

The friend I had plan to meet was shocked to hear that I had just learnt I was having a miscarriage and I was still intent on meeting her.

She talked me out of it. Maybe she shouldn’t have, maybe I would have cried my eyes out and openly grieved, I don’t know, but instead I hid away in fear, frustration, anger, void of any emotions.

Looking back now, I won’t recommend my way of dealing with my first miscarriage to anyone.

I returned to my day job a week after I had bled it out just because I was bored with staying at home and ashamed to look at myself in the mirror.

After the second miscarriage I was forced to deal with the lost differently. It turned out that my brother-in-law was getting married and had paid for us to attend the wedding in the beautiful country of Mauritius. This unconscious choice turned out to  be a blessing in disguise, it opened my mind to what others can do to cope with a loss.

  1. Go Away: shortly after my second miscarriage we had a wedding invitation far away to Mauritius. At first I was reluctant to go on the trip, I was still bleeding and was not in a celebratory mood. My husband persuaded me to visit my MD who decided a C-section was necessary to remove any remnant and avoid any mishaps while I was away. During our time away I remembered nothing of my loss. It was as if removing myself from the event was healing in itself. We had the hen night party, New Year’s Eve party, we were so busy, I had no time to wallow in misery. An added benefit was the messages and deep-sea relaxation i had, which did my body and mind a world of good.  Till date it’s still one of the best holiday I had been on. By the time we came back the loss seem like a distant memory. I was able to pluck up courage to try again.

  2. Dancing: I can picture your suprise, dance? yes, you read right, dance. Strange to recommend dancing to anyone who has had a miscarriage. I guess the fact that I was given the all clear to travel made me lose myself in the moment. Our resort had nightly entertainment which made it difficult not to dance. Dancing took me to a place I did not know existed. I was truly liberated from pain, anger, and fear. From that moment on I had music everywhere in the house. Now I dance at every occasion. Dance got me through this difficult and worse period of my life… On my return, I joined a local dance club where I regularly attend weekly dance classes. It was liberating and exhilarating. I found a new passion and hobby when I found dance, I was free from worry, from disturbing thoughts and most of all I enjoyed it. .

  3. Praying: One would think this should have been the first thing I do, na, I did everything else but talk to God. I did cry and complain, but I did Not stop to talk to my Heavenly Father about my feelings. On this trip, I had time to focus and have a clear mind. I took time to really communicate with him and I felt him near me. His presence was reassuring and I truly felt peaceful inside. I felt his gentle whisper that everything will be ok. In that moment of prayer I felt I can face whatever the future brings.  I can truly say my prayer times were the reason I healed so quickly long before I had a baby.

  4. Personal Reflection; linked closely with praying but during these times I did not pray I just reflected on the good things I had going on in my life. I forced my mind to refocus on the good not the bad. I learnt the lines from motivational songs and reflected on them. I retrained my mind to be still and not to wonder. On my return no one believed I had just had a miscarriage. There was no outward sign of sadness or depression. I had grief alright but I was healed.

You may not have the means to go away to experience the peace time away can bring, however you can steal away a few moments away somewhere quiet.

You can go on quiet walks in the park or wood and get lost in the beauty of nature.  You can take up swimming and afterwards steam in the sauna. In that time you can draw strength from within, from the beauty of nature and the peace it brings.

Other little things you can do.

  • Join a miscarriage support group, your local clinic may be able to recommend some to you. You can draw strength from the experiences of others

  • counselling: you may want to seek counselling, ask your support nurse or clinic for this.

  • Volunteering is a way of taking the focus off your issues. When you are well enough look at your local library or church and find out how you can volunteer.

I urge you to  embark on a trip of self rediscovery, set your mind free from the pain of the loss you have experience, find something that can refocus your thought, which can fill you will hope and strength again, and as you do, you will experience healing and become more resilient through the journey towards becoming a parent.

 

 Please let leave a comment and let us know your thoughts. also like and share our page you never know who will be blessed.

 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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National Infertility Week

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in the middleOn this National Infertility Week, I am flooded with memory of my time on the treadmill suffering this dreaded disease. Both good and bad memories. After all I tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child. So it is with mix feelings I pen this piece.

Infertility is a sickness, a disease which should not be allowed to fester and thrive.

Over the weekend, I met with some lovely friends,  who also suffered the same fate of waiting, miscarriages, stillbirth and finally birth. I am reminded of how fortunate we all are in fulfilling our heart desires of becoming parents. I recognised that this is still a struggle and a dream for many.

As we sat chatting in celebration over the purchase of a house by one of us, a very beautiful house in a prime suburb: listening to the sounds of the kids running around screaming, the conversation came up about what we had been through.

The story began, from one to the other. I listened as we recalled some really gruesome tales of our ordeal.

I was amazed at how we were able to recall very intimate details and exact happenings of the losses we suffered.

Between the 3 of us, 17 babies were lost either through miscarriages, still birth and death. This was no small number, this was epic and painful to talk about. As we talked, we began to salute those who helped us along the way and the courage  of those still trying.

Today I want to salute everyone who is currently going through infertility, this is dedicated to you.

This post also highlights how we coped in the midst of going through one of the most trying periods of  our lives:

As we discussed it became obvious we had

  • the support of good friends and family,
  • our spouses and
  • our faith.

A strong support network of Good Friends: We recalled those who walked the road with us, friends who though did not face the same struggles non understood our pain, were a strong support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judging us, a ready help. Those who sat with us while we waited at the hospital for another evacuation. Those who abandoned everything else at the news that we needed them. Their prayers, presence and love was strong enough to give us faith. On this national infertility week I salute you my friends.

Our spouses: while we struggled, while we waited, while pain ravages and friends leave, when faith weaver and hope hangs on a thread. Their presence, support, friendship, understanding and love was a constant.

We joked that God knew we couldn’t combine  this terrible fate in addition to having a spouse/partner who was not supportive. They listened when we made no sense. They saw us at our most vulnerable but loved us no less. It was a joint pain, it was a shared burden, we were never alone. Our spouses were a constant.

So on this national infertility week we salute our spouses, partners, those who were helpers on the journey through infertility.

Our Faith: faith was what carried us through those times when we felt like giving up, when we thought that we couldn’t carry on any longer. Faith saw us through. We had a picture of what we wanted and kept that in view. When we bled and buried our babies, faith was a strong force urging us to have another go. Faith was our anchor, our hope: faith that our bodies will do what it was meant to do, carry and birth a child.

Faith in God, in his infinite power to restore and make new again. We were not going to let anything take our faith away. We salute faith and the courage to keep trying every time we suffered a loss

You: I salute you my waiting friends, through teary eyes you look at the negative lines on the test strip and sob, but walked on with a strong resolve to keep trying. Through aching heart, you wondered when the tide will calm and the cloud lift for you to see your dreams birthed in the form of a child:

You who smiled through side comments and sarcastic remarks

You who watched helplessly as you bleed at the loss of another child

You who stood by the graveside to bury another sweet little baby

I salute your tenacity

Your hope,

Your zeal

Your resolve

Your strength

Your faith

Your courage

Here’s my encouragement to you today. Have faith in the process, though it may be tough right now, have faith in your ability, for faith never fails.

On this national infertility week I urge you to make faith your best friend. let it be your guide, your hope, your scour, your friend, your victory.

You may still be on this journey, and may just be hanging in there with the help of someone special, keep on holding on.

For some of you, your relationships may have fallen apart, friends may have left or grew weary of hearing the same story.

Let faith carry you to the finish line. Our story changed from pain and tears to, testimonies and laughter.

So I pray that you too will reminisce over the past with joy and peace.

I salute your faith, faithful friends, supportive partners/spouse, but above all, I salute you, as you faithfully wait.  

 

Your Friend and faithful Partner in Waiting

Other related post you may like: National Infertility Awareness Week., Unfair Generosity, The Pain of Miscarriage

 

D’Ebi