A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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The Christmas Promise

So here’s what I decided to do this first day of advent and throughout this advent period, post encouraging words for those in waiting.

Christmas and the period leading up to it are usually the loneliest for the heart in waiting.

As the season unfolds, the couple in waiting is usually not the focus, instead a baby in a manger is. How do you relate to this? How do you celebrate the birth of a child when your hearts desires lingers.

So on this first day of advent I want to encourage you with this words taken from Jeremiah 33:14-15.

The days are coming declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the gracious promise that I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.

In those days and in that time, I will make a righteous shoot sprout from David’s line.

He will maintain justice and righteousness in the land.

I was reminded of this scriptures recently and encouraged by it. It’s comforting to know that God still fulfills promises.

The birth of Jesus was the fulfilment of the gracious promise he made to the house of Israel and Judah. He honoured the promised and it happened exactly as he said it would. Jesus came from David’s line and he maintained justice and righteousness in the land.

So as we approach the season of merriment be encouraged. Hold on to the promise he made to you. He said there shall be none barren or miscarriage in your home. Hold on to this and remind him of his word.

The days are coming when he will fulfil the gracious promise he made to you.

Just as Christ was the promised future hope and in His birth, death and resurrection the promise was fulfilled.

So too, he will birth in you a hope that will see you through to the fulfilment of his gracious promise.

So let not your heart be troubled.

Your Partner in Hope

D’ebi

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Don’t Quit

For those waiting for anything, giving up is always an option.

The thought of quitting is ever present especially when the battle is fierce.

Why should I carry on I use to ask myself? I Have a perfectly good Ife with the best man ever. Together we can travel the world and live as “DINKs”. (Double Income No Kids).

These thoughts where constantly present especially after a hard fought battle.

I came across this poem while trying and kept it in my diary.

I was encouraged by it to stay the course and I hope it encourages you too.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When The Road you’re trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smoke but you have to sign.Trust in the Lord and don’t quit.

Life is strange with its twist and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a person turns about.

When he might have worn had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up. Though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night came down. How close he was to the golden crown.

Remember this truth when you start to doubt; Success is failure turned inside out;

Stick to the fight when you are harder hit. It’s when things seems worse that you mustn’t quit.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Full Life: October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss.

October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss. 

Usually when we remember those we have lost it is with sadness and a deep sense of wishes. 

I dedicate this poem to you during this month.

I want you to remember all the good things you have become as a result of your story. You have had a full life not an empty one. 

My life is full because of you. I may not yet hold you in my arms but you do exist in my thought, vision and reality. 
I thought I lost you when I bled, it did seem so, but through this valley I found stength and faithto carry on.

My heart is filled with hope bursting with joy at the prospect of what will be. 

My heart is fertile, better, bigger and full with love. Love that I will bequeat on anyone desevering or not. 

Today i remember you with love not sadness. For I know I carry you always in my heart. 
Your partner in waiting 

D’Ebi

Grieving The Past.

I was recently trying to catch up with some of the old episodes of the Good Wife’, the American soap based on a working mother, Alisha. One of the episode reminded me of how I use to grief about the past
In one scene Alisha went back in time and grieved for Will “the past love” she never knew Will had for her.
It was very emotional  to see that she really was suffering and heartbroken at what might have been if she knew.

Grieving the past is so real when it comes to infertility and loss. Our grief is made worse when something happens to remind us of what we could have had.

Having suffered multiple miscarriages and failed treatment cycle, my grieve was always front and centre whenever I see a child or am confronted with the news of another pregnancy. I am reminded of what may never be.

My struggle with the past was real. I always  felt heartbroken to think I may not experience the love of my child.

Allowing the past to dictate our present or future can leave us trapped in misery, unable to move forward to the possibility of future successes. See related post on Coping with Miscarriage and Loss

I hated being miserable and also knew that a healthy mind is necessary if I was to fulfil my dream of becoming a mother. So it was necessary to let go of past pains. I determined to be resolute, to wilful put the past behind. This decision did not come easily, but I was able to immerse myself in other interests which helped me leg go of the past pains .

Aside from being Mindful, I also had to

  1. Acknowledge that it is normal to hurt and to remember what I have suffered: If this pieces describes you, do not feel guilty about remembering your pain, it is a natural human emotions. Sometimes we berate ourselves for allowing the past to invade our minds. Free yourself from the guilt of looking back and acknowledge that it is a normal thing to do.
  2. Share Your Pain: One of the areas ‘Waiters’ fall short of  is sharing their pain. For me this was certainly the case.” Who will understand”? I often mused. Carrying the burden alone makes it harder to get rid of. There is an old saying ‘a burden shared is a burden halved’. Often we find release when we share our worries. There is a purpose in your pain. Find someone you can talk to, your partner, a caring friend, a Facebook group or other local support group. Do not suffer alone. Sharing helps us cope with the burden and for me it made the burden lighter.
  3. Seek Help. If your past pain has left you crippled and afraid to try again. Seek help. Your local health practitioner will point you in the right direction. Get some counselling to help you deal with the pain.
  4. Try, try and try again. The best way to get over a disappointment is to try again if you are able to. All hope is not lost, positive virtualization will help you focus on a different image of yourself. 
  5. Set Your Mind To Be Happy. Personally I don’t like being sad. I had to wilfully decide to stop grieving NO Matter what. Set your mind and determine to put the past behind.

Have you suffered lost? Maybe you had an abortion as a teenager and now you blame that act for your current reality. Maybe you let go of a good guy or girl for your current partner and now you feel guilty for causing pain.

Your situation is no fault of yours. Having shared your burden, sought help and acknowledge your grief. You maybe in a better place to try again knowing that your story is still unravelling.

The disappointments of the past can be a springboard to the victories of the future. Set your mind free from what could have been and look forward to what is possible if you try.

Abound in hope as you wait and for your own little burden of joy.

Related Post: The Pain of Miscarriage,Past Pains. ,Keeping Hope Alive

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Don’t Settle 

I choose this title because the easiest thing in the world is to stop trying.

Trying brings pain and in that moment when one is trying, we are tempted to stay where we are and settle.
There was a time I tried unsuccessfully to get another job.

I stopped trying for a while and lost track of where I was. I was encouraged to start again and was shocked at how far back I have to go to start over.

What happens when we settle:

I have come to realise that settling for less and giving up takes us back a few steps when and if we do decide to start again. 

So my encouragement to you today is “ don’t settle”.

Don’t settle for a present when you know your future is more than what you have right now.

Don’t settle for a life without children when you know you can be a parent.

Why should you quit? Yes you have tried and failed several times, believe, find a way to keep going if you so wish.

But never settle for a lesser future when you know you can have more.
The pain of settling maybe worse than your current situation. This is because settling may take the pressure off temporarily, but may not bring you joy unless it is what you want deep within, joy will elude you.

As you may never know what is on the other side if you had kept trying. 

You may pause while trying to figure things out, and seek guidance for the next step, but don’t stop when difficulty or pain comes knocking.

You can begin where you are right now to start over if you have settled and given up. Don’t settle, but rather set your goals and set yourself up for the next phase of your life….

Go back, what new test can you taken?

What new treatment can you afford?

What have you over looked?

And even after you have done all you can,
Don’t settle.

Your friend and faithful partner
D’Ebi

Past Pains. 

Today I met a beautiful friend of mine with 3 special people in tow. Over coffee we reminisce our past. The pains of waiting. 

The tears we shared over unwanted medical results and the fears we entertained on the possibility of never being a mum.

The sadness at being judged for not having kids, the trepidations we felt while waiting at the Dr’s office and the intense pain from yet another failed cycle.  

The endless questions of when will it be?

Today we drank coffee while our kids played with play doh. Together we watched them played snakes and ladders and them boss each other around.  

Today we smiled, laughed and scolded those little monkeys, but most of all today we looked back with gratitude. We counted our blessings and said a prayer for those still waiting for their miracle. 

Today was the yesterday we hoped and prayed for. 

Nothing is special about us, except we choose to hope and continue in the faces of negative results and reports.

We never gave up hope. 

When against all odds we were told our wombs cannot carry a child because it was badly scared, we hoped.

When we were told our situation was unexplained, we hoped.

When we were told no egg was viable from yet another IVF treatment we just, we hoped.

When friends after friends had babies and we go away from every christening crying, because we felt like failures, we hoped.

Today our hope is a reality. Our desires, living, talking, breathing and laughing. 

Today I encourage you to hold on, draw strength from within and keep hope alive. 

I can only ask that you look at my story and believe that perhaps your you desires too will become real. 

Keeping Hope Alive

I use to wonder how to keep my hope and faith alive during my days as a woman in waiting. Whenever I thought I was up there in the hope department, something happens to derail that hope:
The more I felt like I was hopeful the further away from my dreams I felt.

How do I keep hope alive when I had just lost another pregnancy
How do I keep hope alive when I have just had another failed IVF cycle?
How do I keep hope alive when the news is awash with stories of the dangers of having babies beyond 40s.

I couldn’t.
My hope and faith faded as red stains fades from a dress.

I realise that keeping hope alive have nothing to do with what was happening to me. It was how I choose to see and react to what going on.

Here are 5 things I did to keep my hopes of becoming a mum alive.

I looked for stories that seem impossible. I was and still enthralled by stories which seem like all hope of a success was lost, but against all odds the impossible becomes possible. Most importantly I look for stories similar to mine. Failed attempt to become pregnant, lost pregnancy, prolong wait finally yielding results. These all combined kept me hopping.
I embarked on a mission to find a reason for my predicament: I was not satisfied with unexplained infertility. I knew something was wrong. There must be a reason why I was unable to fall pregnant. My quest to discover the reason for my unexplained infertility kept me hoping that perhaps when the is reason found, a cure will commence and I will become pregnant.Exploring Treatment Options. 

I decided to trust the maker of the universe to do what is best and right for us. Ok, God I use to say. If it must be, it’s up to you. I have done my bit. Now it’s over to you. Giving him control of the situation and knowing that I have done and doing all within my power to conceive kept my hope alive.

I was incredibly grateful for what I have. I was full of gratitude for my home, a loving husband and a stable marriage. Knowing that many couple did not survive trying for a baby kept me going. Being in a constant state of gratitude even when I have just had a miscarriage kept my hope alive.

I looked for Simple things to be grateful for, like the fact had i am becoming better and more patient person. Gratitude that another friend has had a baby and gratitude for a strong support network, kept me hopeful..

I had fun. I found an excuse to always have fun. Luckily for me I had a group of friends in similar situation. Together we prayed, encouraged each other and travelled together. We shared our dreams of one day becoming a mum and we supported those weak in faith. This bond kept our hopes alive. And when one by one we all fell pregnant those left behind were even more hopeful. Today I can truly say my friendships helped kept my hope alive
I urge you today, do not let the wait snuff out hope from within you. Cast your gaze on something bigger than your pain. Build a tent of gratitude and leave your desires in the hands of him who can bring them to pass and take flight on the wings of hope. Let it carry you safely till you reach the shores of your dreams.

Keep Hope Alive:

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related reading:

 

Hope Against Hope, Resurrected Hope , The “age” thing, Top Rated IVF Clinics in UK , Exploring Other Options, Exploring Treatment Options. 

Hope Against Hope

How do you hope when you are faced with a set back? Life is really unfair I thought to myself. Not only was I told not to fall pregnant due to the drugs I was on?

Years later, having been declared in remission and taken off all medications 

I could not fall pregnant…

At the time there was no silver lining in my cloud. The future without kids looked bleak. 
I did not hope. I was void of all emotions, how can I trust God, where is the faith to believe and keep trying? 

Immediately after disappointment, we usually feel negative emotions. Like

Anger, fear and lack of faith. Uncertainty about the future tears are also constant during such time.

It may take a few good months, weeks or months for us to come to terms with our predicaments but that’s when healing truly begins. 
Healing did begin for me. I dreamt again

Believe again and hope again. 

Now I rejoice in having my precious kids, 

Despite the diagnosis 

I hoped against hope. 
So I encourage you today to stand firm, and sure.

Glimpse your set time ahead. 

Though faith may weaver a your heart quavers from fear

Lift your gaze higher to the promise that will one day be real

Grasp firmly to your desires 

For in hoping against hope, 

Will you triumph over all. 
Your partner in hope
D’Ebi

Don’t tire, keep trying.

This poem was written during my mid night hour. I had just finished a course of treatment and it seems like the wait will go on indefinitely with no end in sight.
Something dropped in my spirit to never tire of trying and to keep on hoping and trying.

Be encouraged by it: Don’t tire, keep trying

keep on trying:
when the test strips comes up negative
I will keep on trying

All of me yearns for a baby to have and to hold
to cherish and cuddle
to nurture and treasure
though there is delay, and it seems my wait will yield no gain

still I will keep on trying

for I have come to know, delay is not denial, and when waiting makes me weary.
My anxious fears are calmed in the distance hope which keeps me trying.

 

 

Your Partner in Hope

 

D’Ebi

 

Other Related Post:

A Woman In Waiting, Christmas and waiting::Others View Point