Purpose in Pain

Is there a reason for this pain, why can’t it just end, why the disappointment, discomfort and the long wait.

These are questions we have all asked ourselves in times of great suffering.

Our pain leaves us with more questions than answers. How do you carry on living in the mist of great pain? Disappointment drains us of strength.

Christ suffered for us so that we can have great strength and hope in our pain.

Christ was born to carry not just our sins but our pain, wounded, bruised and hung on the cross he suffered great pain, Just for us.

He stood in our place, where we would have been condemned, he was condemned.

Where we would have been shamed, He was shamed.

Where fear lingers he brought release, And in this season of Christmas we have peace in our hearts because we know that there will be purpose in our pain.

This knowledge gives us strength as we wait for his perfect plan, we live in hope because hope in him doesn’t bring shame.

So are you tired of waiting, look to the the manger then the cross, then cling to his grace which he gave when he rose again.

Your Partners in Hope

D’Ebi

Link to related post

A Glimpse of Hope, Hope does not bring shame., Advent: Season of Hope, Our Hope This Easter, Our Hope For The New Year., Resurected Hope , When God Brings PeaceThe True Gift Of Christmas, A Christmas Prayer, Chaos Before Christmas, The Possbilities of Christmas 

Power Of A Name

In most cultures naming a child involves having a sacred ceremony, and with good reason too.

That child will be known and identify with that name all their lives, so the choosing, pondering and meditation over that name is important.

The name will be used by everyone, It will become their identity. Sometimes a name informs others about the origin of a person, where they come from, their heritage and roots, so names are important.

Jesus name was also special. His names were chosen by God, His father, before he was born. John the baptist was also named before his birth.
God didn’t leave it up to Joseph and Mary to name Christ, because Jesus was God in the flesh and God needed a name which reflected who he is and will be for all ages.
One of his names which is comparable to no other names, is the name Alpha and Omega.

I have heard all kinds of names, similar names, replicated names, but not this. Simply because this name is God. Alpha and omega simply means “the beginning, the end and everything in between”.

Why this name? I believe God was speaking to humanity through this name, he was saying, look I know it all. I know what has been “the past”, what will be coming “the future” and everything in between.

In those trying times of miscarriages and failed IVF procedures, His name gave me hope. I was comforted in the knowledge that God knows why, and he is weaving everything in His perfect plan for my life.

I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but I know who does and know  that He loves me and wants the best for me. His plans for me are good, not evil.

This knowledge was my solace and comforted me as the years rolled by I became secured in His all knowing nature.

I want to suggest some of God names which you can draw strength from as you wait.

Comforter, Wonderful Counsellor, Helper, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Savior, Everlasting father and The Mighty God.

He knows it all, the intricate details of your life, the pain you carry, the fears you nurse, the joys you experienced. Find Him in His name.

In Him and His name are everything you will ever need… of this you can be assured.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related Piece

The True Gift Of Christmas, Chaos Before Christmas, The Wonder Of Christmas, Christmas Traditions, The Christmas Miracle, The Christmas Miracle, The Possbilities of Christmas 

 

A Costly Gift

It’s the season of giving and receiving gifts. I have been trying to find the most thoughtful presents for my loved ones and I am sure you are as well.

What will it cost you to do something for someone else? Time, money, your possessions or skills. Going through trying times leaves us focus on ourselves, often too drained to consider giving any of these to others.

I realized this during the most difficult periods of my life, I couldn’t give of myself to anything, I was focused on getting through the stage of infertility, but I knew there were so many in need of my skills and thankfully I decide to keep a journal of my experiences which started faithful wait

Although God freely gives us gifts of love, grace, mercies, forgiveness, protection, provision and love. He makes no demands made of us, because it already cost Him, His Son. It was and remains the most costly gift of all time. The person we now celebrate at Christmas was give. as a gift for many.

His life bought our freedom from sin, sickness, loss, disappointment and gave us a living hope. 

His paid once so that we can enjoy his gifts eternally.

So this Christmas consider someone in worse situation than yourself and give them a gift you can afford, or go a step further, give a gift that will cost you something.

Remember Christ promised to surround you with with favor like a shield in the mist of your situation.

He is with you through every circumstance shielding you, so that you can also respond by helping others.

As you receive Gods blessings during this time, and all through the years, find time to share your gift with others.. because what you receive freely cost him everything. 

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Glimpse of Hope

2022 has begun in earnest.

If for you the year holds so much promises on the 1st of January 2022 and now you look forward with trepidation because of a current situation, a news you receive, a disappointing diagnosis,

I want to encourage you to hold on and have faith.

Faith to believe when the way is rough.
Faith to hang on when the going is tough.
Faith will pull you through.
Faith will help you glimpse a way out that will comfort you and give you strength to carry on.

Have faith.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related pieces

Faith Vs Fear, A pandemic Problem, Extraordinary Acts Of Love.

Blessings In Waiting

Today we’re going to look at BLESSINGS IN WAITING.

I think trying or waiting for a child, child loss due to miscarriage or death is one of the most terrible experiences in anyones life.

I had two miscarriages, and sometimes I wonder what my unborn children would have looked like. Had they survived what ages will they be now. I have Come to terms with these loss, but I still wonder.

Anna is an example of a woman who yearned for a baby, she cried because she felt helpless at the delays, she saw her mates bearing children she saw how they relate with those children, she observed it all, day in and day out year in and out.

Elizabeth was also an example of one who waited. These blessings in waiting causes pain, we become entangled in the daily reality of the delay that we live in.

Everyone at one time or the other have experienced joy from having their prayers answered.

Have you ever waited for something, and got it?That desire was a blessing in waiting.

There was a time you waited for a job, for mortgage, for a life partner, for financial breakthrough. They were all blessings in waiting at one time or another.

When you look back, can you see that right now what you are waiting for may also come to pass, but in God’s own time and manner he chooses?

Let’s just pause and look back at those blessings in waiting which you now enjoy. I know how delays can lead us into a place of deep dissatisfaction inpatience and hopelessness.

I once had no children and spent days giving myself shots of IVF Injections, had 2 miscarriages from natural conceptions. But draw strength from those blessings in waiting that you now enjoy.

How do you explain that after eight years of waiting? Today, those blessings in waiting are my reality. I am living and enjoying my beautiful kids but I’m still waiting I’m waiting for a healing.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis from an early age. It is under control now due to a course of several potent medications.

While enjoying my blessings of children, I draw strength from the fact that the God who did that for me can also fulfil his promise of healing in my life.

I want you to draw strength from your current blessings while you wait for those yet to come.

Look at that wait and compare all the benefits you are enjoying right now and encourage yourself, if he did it before he would do it again.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

Related links

Christmas Traditions, The age question. The Christmas Miracle, Advent: Walking in Our shoes, Advent: Season of Hope , Christmas and waiting, Celebratory seasons.

Undergoing Fertility treatment in an age of COVID.

 

Recently a friend of mine shared the good news of her pregnancy. I was so excited for the family as this will be her second child. The first being almost 9 years old.

She’s a medical doctor, pregnant from IVF, a key worker and dealing with the all of that in COVID era is just daunting.

So earlier on during the second wave which hit the UK  at the beginning of the year, the family decided to minimise their interaction with the outside world. One of the things they did was not to send their daughter into school as part of the key workers program. My friend, reduced and limited her interaction with patients, by working 2 days a week. Happy to say the pregnancy has progressed on and she’s doing just fine.

How do you navigate through your treatment during this covid era? It is bad enough prior to covid, now patients have so many other precautions to take, from wearing a mask, social distancing to limit or eliminate completely interaction with those outside your house hold.

There is so much uncertain which comes with any IVF pregnancy any way. One of which is the constant fear that something might go wrong. I have been there and that right until I had my baby in my hands, I lived with the fear that something may still go wrong.

I think the fear was born from years of disappointment and the previously failed pregnancy or miscarriages or other delays an IVF couple may have suffered.

Now add a pandemic to the mix and you have an additional foe to contend with.

So here are some suggestions to take if you are undergoing fertility treatment are pregnant from treatment or are hoping to start treatment soon.

  1. Be cautious at all times. Like my friend, limit your interactions to if, necessary those within your household or within your bubble.
  2. Limit your bubble to a few immediate families, like parents  or a brother or sister. The reason being that they too might have a bubble and you don’t want to form a bubble with anyone whom you cannot trust.
  3. Work from home if your job allows it. If not, discuss alternative working patterns with your employer. You can possibly start later or earlier when the office is not at full capacity. If you company can, they should be able to make your place of work covid safe. So a discussion with your employer is vital at the onset.
  4. If you have to go out, social distancing is a must. Maintain 3 to 6 feet from anyone not from the same household. I have often called on my friend and stood 7 feet from her, sometimes we have had to hold a conversation with raised voices.
  5. Always wear a mask, find out the best mast avaliabile and make sure you always have one handy. I keep packets of mask in every handbag.
  6. Frequently disinfect whatever surface you work on.
  7. Regularly wash your hand and use a sanitizer after touching any food product or if you have been in a public place.
  8. Abstain from touching your face, it is an impossible feat I know, but being mindful of the dangers the virus presents, should spur you to act accordingly.
  9. Limit out doors adventures if you can help it. Only go out if it is absolutely necessary and your partner is unavailable to help, for instance choose the quietest time of the day for your walks or park visits, your commute to walk or the shops.
  10. And finally have your groceries delivered, this will save you time and give you peace of mind.

This is not ideal I know, but it will be worth it in the end when you hold your beautiful baby in your arms.

I wish you every success as you embark on this exciting new phase of your life.

Your partner in hope.

D’ebi

Relevant/related post

How to Cope With the Stress of Infertility

Strategies to cope while in lockdown

Treatment and COVID-19

 

Extraordinary Acts Of Love

What would you do for the ones you love? Anything I imagine. Anything which is legal.

I was so touched to read this story of a mum who is pregnant with her grandchild after her daughter’s failed IVF attempts.

Today’s post explore the involvement of others in the journey towards parenthood.

Very often we hear of extra ordinary acts of love and kindness from strangers and we expect such acts from family members as well. But when it comes to child bearing, this is usually the preserve of the couples involved and in some cases, with the help of their fertility clinic.

However, to see a mother step into the gap to help her daughter in this way is really unconditional love on display. It takes the meaning “I will do anything for my child”to a whole new level.

The Seattle Times reported on June the 22nd 2020, of how Ms Loving reached the decision to become a gestation carrier for her daughter.

She’s watched her daughter’s several IVF attempts and seen the suffering , the heart ache caused by multiple rounds of IVFs, miscarriages etc.

Now Mrs Loving is pregnant with the biological baby of her daughter and son-in-law. As her daughter Breanna Lockwood puts it

“She’s the oven”.

So many emotions is involved with being pregnant. To experience them for your daughter and to know you are carrying your grandchild is pretty special.

So if you are still waiting for your own little miracle, and have tried everything but using a surrogate, consider this as an options available to you. We have written about it here https://faithfulwait.com/2020/02/29/surrogacy-i-call-it-a-helping-hand/

Not everyone is within the medical age of child bearing, so this story is pretty special.

When to Use a Surrogate.

Using a surrogate is usually considered in situations where carrying the baby becomes a risk to the health and life of the mother.

Surrogate is considered in the following cases

A would be mother has a medical condition that makes it impossible or dangerous to get pregnant or give birth.

Recurrent loss either naturally or via IVF.

On the advice of a medical professional

where the biological mother is past the age considered medically at risk to carry a child.

Who to consider as your surrogate.

Who can you approach?

Who’s in your close network? Is there a sister or friend whom you trust and know can and will do this Unconditionally?

Has anyone in your cycle of friendship and family or work, express their willingness to step in?

Consider having the conversation with them and your partner.

There is so much involved with fertility treatments, so ideally someone younger and healthy should be considered.

Consider the legal implications and the cost of the process.

consider the medical cost and any other commitments involved.

Preferably use an agency to work out the fine details before embarking on any final arrangements.

Finally, believe in the process, remain positive and hopeful and you will see your miracle.

Above all, don’t give up.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Source

Www.hfea.gov.uk

Seattletimes.com

Related Post.

https://faithfulwait.com/2020/03/10/surrogacy-finding-a-surrogate/

Causes of Infertility In Men

I have previously written male infertility.

But I feel the need to revisit this topic again purely to educate my fellow African family.

Often some cultures attributes failure to conceive sorely to women.

It is not uncommon to blame the woman after a couples have been trying for years.

Often the men refuse to be tested claiming they are fine and have fathered children outside the home.

Men are proud and often ashamed to subject themselves to test as it is seen as not being macho.

A lot of men equate fertility with virility and sexual potency and it’s unfortunate as marriages and relations have broken up due to the refusal of the men to get tested.

Men refuse to seek help choosing to remain mum, even in cases where they know the fault is theirs.

They remain quiet for fear of being shamed by their families and peers and seen as less of a man.

This is unfortunate because the man is the only factor in about 8% of cases where infertility is suspected.

Common Causes of Infertility in Men.

Abnormal sperm: The sperm may have an unusual shape, making it harder to move and fertilize an egg.

Either problem with the testicles and in such cases this could be genetic or exposure to environmental factors or toxins.

Other causes are as a result of obesity and smoking.

drug use.

Certain types of medicines can sometimes cause infertility problem:

The following can cause infertility in men:

• sulfasalazine – an anti-inflammatory medicine used to treat conditions such as Crohn’s disease and rheumatoid arthritis; sulfasalazine can decrease the number of sperm,

• anabolic steroids – are often used to build muscle and improve athletic performance; long-term use can reduce sperm count and sperm mobility

chemotherapy – can sometimes severely reduce sperm production

• herbal remedies – such as root extracts of the Chinese herb Tripterygium wilfordii, can affect the production of sperm or reduce the size of your testicles

Other Illegal drugs, such as marijuana and cocaine, can also affect semen quality.

excessive alcohol in take, excessive exposure to high heat which can increase the temperature of the testicle leading to problems with sperm production. and tight clothing

If you are trying to get pregnant with your partner it is advisable to avoid or limit your use of hot bath and sauna.

Ejaculation disorders

Some men experience ejaculation problems that can make it difficult for them to release semen during sex (ejaculate).

Unexplained infertility

In the UK, unexplained infertility accounts for around 25% of cases of infertility. This is where no cause can be identified in either the woman or man.

Infertility tests for men

The doctor will ask the man about his medical history, medications, and sexual habits and carry out a physical examination. All the needed checks will be carried out to determine the cause of the infertility

• Semen analysis: A sample may be taken to test for sperm

• Blood test: The lab will test for levels of testosterone and other hormones.

• Ultrasound: This may reveal issues such as ejaculatory duct obstruction or retrograde ejaculation.

Chlamydia test: Chlamydia can affect fertility, but antibiotics can treat it.

Fertility treatments for men

Treatment will depend on the underlying cause of the infertility.

For premature ejaculation: Medication may help improve fertility.

• Varicocele: Surgically removing a varicose vein in the scrotum may help.

• Blockage of the ejaculatory duct: Sperm can be extracted directly from the testicles and injected into an egg in the laboratory.

Both the man and his partner may have to undergo assisted reproduction such as

IUI

IVF

ICSI

Sperm or egg donation

It is recommended that couples should seek help after 6 months of trying if the woman is over 40, and after a year if the woman is under 40 years of age.

So ditch the myth about fertility being a female only problem as tackle it together as a couple.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Infertility Research: Male Factor

The first sign that a couple may be having difficulty conceiving is a few months after trying. Often the women immediately thinks its her fault, and most investigations begins with her.

There is very little by way of research into Male related infertility issues. But not anymore, science and medical experts are now recognizing the Male factor in infertility leading to more research in this area.

Recent research carried out by scientists at Newcastle University has revealed possible reason for Male Infertility may be related to a gene producing hormones which is necessary for the production of fully functioning sperm.

A gene identifies as RBMXL2 similar to the infertile gene found in the Y chromosomes may be responsible for infertility in men. They found that RBMXL2 is essential to making sperm.

The scientist found that deleting the RBMXL2 gene from chromosome 11 blocked sperm production and this paves the way for further exciting research in this area. This was a 10 year study which involved scientist from USA, And Europe.

Understanding how RBMXL2 enables sperm to be made gives experts a clue as to how the similar infertility genes on the Y chromosome work.

Research found that the block occurred while the cells were dividing in the testicles to make sperm, under the process of meiosis.

This block meant that none of the cells developed into sperm cells were able to swim and fertilise eggs.

Much more needs to be done to investigate the causes of male factor infertility, that’s why Fertility Network welcomes this research from Newcastle University which, although in the very early stages, offers hope for a greater understanding of male fertility in the future.

This is great new for couples as more gets done, better treatment will be developed towards treating Male related infertility.

So something to get excited about as Male related infertility causes are investigated. Keeping hope alive.

Your Partner In Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

IVF: Who Gets Funded?

For couples struggling to conceive after several try, IVF May seem the only option. No treatment plan is easy and to decide to take the leap is to choose to hope and to dream that one will become a parent at the end. To get there, first couples have to meet several rigorous health checks.

The national institute for health care makes recommendation as to who should get funding on the NHS.

Women under 40

NICE recommends 3 IVFs cycle to these group of women on the NHS. Provided

  • They have been trying to have regular unprotected sex for 2 years.
  • And they’ve not been able to get pregnant after 12 cycles of artificial insemination

women who are 40 – 42 are given 1 cycle of IVF in the NHS.

Provided that they have been

  • Trying to conceive for 2 years
  • have not been able to get pregnant after 12 cycles of artificial insemination.
  • They have never had IVF before and
  • Test do not indicate low levels of ovaries or low in quality.

The provision of IVF treatment varies across the country. Although NHS trust across the country are working to provide the same service this often depends on the local CCG. (Clinical commission group).

The CCG may have additional criteria before you can have IVF on the NHS, such as:

  • Not having any children already, from both your current and any previous relationships
  • Being a healthy weight
  • A non smoker.
  • falling into a certain age range (for example, some CCGs only fund treatment for women under 35)
  • In some cases, only 1 cycle of IVF may be routinely offered, instead of the 3 recommended by NICE
  • (from NHS UK).

The process of being accepted and rejected can be daunting. Having to be rejected based on age is like being punished for not trying early.

The decision for most older women is not that easy, they may not have met the right guy early enough and for those who did they might just fall outside of the recommended age by a year. Some CCG offers treatment to those below 35.

The over 35s may have secondary infertility. This leaves the only option available which is to go the private route.

Regardless, the NHS is trying to help first timers and cases which are not as complicated. This surely is a good thing, but no consolation to those who are unable to have funded for their treatment.

Weight check is important as Research have show that a healthy weight is beneficial in many ways.

My advice to anyone seeking IVF on the NHS is this:

Ask your GP or contact your local CCG to find out what the criteria for NHS-funded IVF treatment are in your area.

Private option is your only choice If you do not meet the funding criteria, you can contact the clinics directly or get a referral from your GP.

Going private comes at a huge cost with average cost at £5,000 or more per cycle.

There maybe additional cost of consultation fees, blood test and other adds on..

Find out exactly what is included in the cost before embarking on treatment.

Finally have faith in your body, be positive and keep hope alive.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Sources:

NHS choice, HFEA (Human Fertility and Embryology Authority.