Unplanned Pregnancy

The planning, dreaming, scheming and hopes of the future can be seen in the eyes of newly wedded couples.

They have plans, written and spoke.

Where To live, jobs and career plans, places to visit, number of children to have.

Once settled and and the stage is set for children then begin the wait.

As months turns into years it begins to dawn on them that their plans isn’t going according to script.

We soon realise our plans have fallen through after several test, appointments and disappointments. The dreams and hopes begin to grow deem.

Mary had plans to wed Joseph her sweet heart, only for those plans to be scuppered by an unplanned pregnancy. An unwed mother, what scandal, how will she face the world? Joseph was definitely going to leave her.

Explaining why you remain childless is one of the hardest thing to do. how do you respond to the the unspoken accusation, the questioning looks, the side remarks and unkind comments.

How do you explain that this isn’t part of your plan? This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out.

To us and those around us, the waiting doesn’t make any sense. Just as being a pregnant virgin did not make sense to anyone.

Who was going to believe she was carrying the Messiah, the saviour of the world.

Mary yielded herself to God and trusted that his plans for her are perfect.

Do you feel like your plans for a baby has been hijacked? let the story of a virgin Mum inspire you. Believe that the end of your story holds something good.

For the best laid plans are those planned by the master.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Infertility: A lonely Journey

I grabbed a magazine and waited my turn in the Dr’s waiting room. I decided against reading and instead struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. We immediately bonded and exchanged tales of our plight. Half way Into the conversation she commented, it’s so lonely though, to which I replied,  yes it can be.

I previously shared how lonely infertility can  be here; Christmas and waiting:: Although we do have friends and family who care, when it comes down to it the pain of disappointment is all yours, nobody else’s. The trips,  appointments for endless test and procedures are all yours. Just you and your partner’s as the case maybe

How do you explain a pain so deep to those who are not in it. How do you explain the constant tears, how do you talk about the ache from that first, second and third loss? It is unexplainably and our reaction to it is can also seem unreasonable.

Loneliness at Christmas is especially pronounced. Sitting at the dinner table with the laughter of nieces and nephews only serves to highlight the empty nest waiting for you back home.

If you feel especially lonely now or at any other time, remember the name ”IMMANUEL”. Meaning God with us.

This is one of the names of the promised Messiah. “God with us.

He is with us

In the waiting room,

At the dinner table,

At the operating theatre,

As we suffer another miscarriage

As we face the questioning stares and audible alterations of others.

The promised Messiah is with us. Holding, soothing, caring and reassuring us.

His presence brings peace, hope, joy and answers.

He was certainly my hope and strength during my wait. I had his presence which gave me strength every step of the way. Some people questioned my lack of intense misery and mistook my inability to conceive as a conscious decision not to have kids. The opposite was true.

I exhibited my pains in his presence and he in turn he infused me with joy for the journey as a result of his presence, the journey was no longer lonely. I can talk with him and pour out my heart to him because he is with me.

Be encouraged today, the promised child is the risen saviour who is always with you. You can count on his present as you journey through Infertility.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

#IVFIS40

On the 10/11/1977 IVF was born in the person of Louise Brown. She was born at Oldham and District Hospital in Greater Manchester weighing 5lb 12oz.

Fast forward 40 years and thousands of couples have fulfilled their hopes of becoming parents VIA IVF. Louise Brown was the first of many children born via the IVF PROCESS.

A  process which has made the dreams of many couples including ours come true. Our first daughter was conceived via this process and I can truly say we are eternally grateful to have her in our lives.

Across the world this November, the birthday of the IVF process is being celebrated.

If you are still sitting on the edges wondering if this process is for you. A few stats may help you decide.

According to NHS

There are 1 In 7 couples with fertility problems.

6.5m IVF babies have been born worldwide since this technique began.

There are more than 325,000 IVF babies born from IVF to date.

24.8% of frozen embryo resulted in live birth.

26.5% of fresh embryo resulted in live birth.

15.6% resulted in multiple pregnancy

According to Resolve male fertility issues are as common as female, each represents 33% while unexplained is 33%.

Is IVF for you? This is a personal question one that can only be answered by you and your partner, taking into consideration the statistics as well as the cost of getting treatment.

Consider all the options available to you and make your decision of becoming a parent possible.

Leave us a comment and let us know your IVF story: we would love to hear from you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

Related post:

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Surrogacy

In my previous post I talked about the options available to becoming a parent. One of those options is surrogacy.

Lately surrogacy has been all over the news. 
A few weeks ago the news broke that Kim Kadasian West is expecting her 3rd child via a surrogate.  Also expecting is Net-a-Porter founder Dame Natalie Massenet who at 52 has recently welcomed another child, via a surrogate. It was also reported that popular Cristiano Ronaldo had twins via surrogate.

Difficulty in conceiving can happen to anyone. Regardless of race or wealth. Infertility is a sickness and is no respecter of anyone. 

Surrogacy is  an option considered by couples for various reasons, chief amongst which is the inability for the woman to fall pregnant., repeated miscarriages,

What’s surrogacy?

Surrogacy is when another woman carries or gives birth to a child for the couple who wants to have children. However, the process differs from countries to countries.

In the U.K. Advertising and payment for a surrogate is not allowed. It is illegal to do so, however it is expected that the parents cover reasonable expenses of the surrogate.

It costs up to £2,000 to £20,000 to cover expenses, which is likely to be

lost of earnings, maternity clothes, travel costs for attending clinics and appointment, childcare cost if you already have children while you are away on appointments. Any counselling taken during pregnancy.

There are Two types of surrogacy. 

Traditional surrogacy is where the biological mother uses her own egg which is inseminated with the father’s sperm. This can be done either at home, using a donor insemination kit, or in a clinic.
Gestational surrogacy: happens when the surrogate carries a baby on behalf of the couple using the woman’s egg, fertilised by the husband’s sperm. In this case the baby is not genetically related to the surrogate.
In both cases the egg from the intended mother or donor is fertilised through IVF.

In America surrogacy can be paid for. It is very popular in many states. They have many large agencies matching up couples who want a surrogates. The cost ranges from £18,000 to £250,000.

What is required? 

Most couples wanting a surrogate naturally wants to make sure that the surrogate is of good health, and have a sound mind. Some couples spend a few good months getting to know the surrogate and become friends before making their decision. This way they get to know and bond with them.

Some intended parents have certain requirements like a certain age group. They may prefer someone who’s not too far way for easy of access and to minimise travel cost. Some parents insist on lifestyle changes for the surrogate. This will be covered in the agreement.

They may also consider marital status . As the risk of first pregnancy for first pregnancy is higher, some surrogacy prefer women with previous pregnancies, of at least one child.

Hand over

Surrogates never see the baby they carry as theirs. It is purely a legal arrangement. Their involvement is strictly to help another couple out. The terms are made clear in a contract which is signed by both parties the agreement states whose child it is.

The baby is the surrogates in the eyes of the law. When the baby is born, a parental order needs to be signed at a court to give or transfer parentage to the parents until then The child belongs to whoever carries and bore the child. 

Questions: Is it for Me? 

You may be wondering if surrogacy is for you. Consider your situation and how much you want child.

Surrogacy may be appropriate if you have a medical condition that makes it impossible or dangerous to get pregnant and to give birth.
It may also be an option for you if you have suffered:
absence or malformation of the womb, recurrent pregnancy loss, repeated in vitro fertilisation (IVF) implantation failures.

In my previous post I talked about the options available to becoming a parent.

Of those options is surrogacy, Lately surrogacy has been all over the news.
Last week the news broke that Kim Kadasian West is expecting her 3rd child.

 

They may also consider marital status and previous birth history
As the risk of first pregnancy for first pregnancy is higher some surrogacy prefer women, with previous pregnancies, of at least one child.

Hand over 

Some parents insist on lifestyle changes for the surrogate. This will be covered in the agreement.

Surrogates never see the baby they carry as theirs. It is purely a legal arrangement. Their involvement is strictly to help another couple out. And the terms are made clear in a contract which is signed by both parties. However the baby is the surrogates in the eyes of the law.

A parental order needs to be signed at a court to give or transfer parentage to the parents until then The child belongs to whoever carries and bore the child.
Is it for Me?

You may be wondering if surrogacy is for you. Consider your situation and how much you want child. 

Surrogacy may be appropriate if you have a medical condition that makes it impossible or dangerous to get pregnant and to give birth. It may be an option for you if you have suffered:
Absence or malformation of the womb, recurrent pregnancy loss, repeated in vitro fertilisation (IVF) implantation failures.

My encouragement to you is to explore this and other options available, your little cuddles of joy may just be the end result if you just explore.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Sources: HFEA, Surrogacy UK, National Health Service.

Choosing an IVF Clinic

hope-never-failsI knew I wanted treatment but I did not know where to go. Even though my hubby is a medic who knew the process, knowing which clinic to use for our IVF treatment took quite a bit of research on our part.

We went with our GP’s recommendation for our first and second treatment, and were referred to a teaching hospital. We thought being a teaching hospital this was a good idea, so we did no background checks.

Checks like: success rates, services on offer, facilities or any such things, we just assumed being a teaching hospital and a research centre we will be fine. we were disappointed with the whole process. It wasn’t the fact that the process failed it was the handling of the process and the treatment we received.

Our experience was so bad that we waited another year and a half before trying a different clinic. During my break from treatment, I did a proper research to IVF clinics, procedures and what my top 10 clinics offered.

Choosing a clinic is a very personal decision one that involves so many criteria. See related article Exploring Treatment Options. After my experience with the first clinic, we checked the fertility regulator websites which was full of so much information that it was impossible to pick one clinic without having to read everything about it.

I decided on a clinic after months of research, reading newspapers reviews and comparing stats. After my research, we decided to write down our expectations from a clinic and the criterial which helped us decide on the clinic to go with:

I don’t want you to go through the same problem so I have compiled a list of 10 questions to asked yourself and the clinic before you choose:

  1. How to search: know what you want from a clinic. It is important that you know what you want and which clinic is good at it. I know you want to be pregnant and have a baby, any clinic has some success rate. But what is your diagnosis and which clinic is best suited to dealing with that? As mentioned above, get up to speed with fertility information.

    Read, read, read, by so doing, you will come across a wealth of information which will help you decide on a clinic. I came across my clinic while searching for the top 10 IVF clinic in the UK, with this search I was able to review the 10 top clinics and decided on the one I eventually used.

  2. Your first port of call: Every clinic has an overview page, which gives detailed information about what the clinics offer, their success rates by age, the treatment they administer and weather they are involved in any research. crucially the price is there somewhere. This page will also provide information on staffs, facility and the location enabling you to make the best decisions based on what you have read in comparison to other clinics.
  3. What’s on offer: what services does the clinic offer in addition to the treatment cycle? do they offer support group where you can be part of during the process? Do they also offer counselling as part of the package? I was a total mess after my first 2 failed experience, some counselling would have gone a long way to help ease the pain, but the clinic offered no such services and did not suggest it. I was shoved out of the door and told better luck next time. my support system where my husband and strength from God.
  4. High up on my list was the support system of the clinic. Soon after my initial consultation, immediately I joined their online forums where we supported each other and gained valuable information about the clinic and certain other procedures. Some clinic offer counselling services to talk you through before you begin, it can be part of the cost or may not be. Find out at your initial consultation, what is offered and if it is included in the overall price.

  5. Location and opening times: This was important for us as my husband and I both worked full time. It was important the clinics offered appointments which were flexible enough to fit within our time. Check if they have early and late openings appointments.

    Also, factor the cost of hotel, taxi trips, if you happen to find a clinic which ticks all the box but not local. My clinic was nowhere near where we live but luckily it was near my office so it was a case of popping out during lunch breaks for tests and scans.

  6. Find out the treatment on offer: Given my pre-existing health conditions I wanted a clinic which offered more than the basic test and treatment, but one that understands how autoimmunity affects fertility.  my research lead me to believe that the clinic we choose offered more than the basic IVF which was reassuring. The More I read about them the more convinced I was about using them. So, it is important to know what clinic is good for what. If you are over 40”, you may want to select the clinic with the highest success rate amongst over 40.

Other questions to ask during your first appointments:

  1. Number of cycles offered by the clinic: Find out the number of cycles they offer and the what stage they choose to stop, if you don’t fall pregnant. I was told at my previous clinic that they won’t offer another treatment as there was nothing they different they will do. This was very devastating news, see related post Surviving Treatment Not only could they not explain why I had such bad results, I was turned down for another treatment without explanation.  It is therefore important to know how far the clinic is willing to go, especially if you are over 40.
  2. Their inspection report: every clinic have an inspection report, what does it say about them? They should have it visible or on their website: go through it and see what it says about how they perform and operate. If it’s not visible ask them for one.
  3. Success rates: it is only natural for you to want to know your chances: what are their success rate per age group.

    Choose a clinic which has data on the number of treatment carried out yearly and the number of successful treatments leading to live births. This should be a guide not as an indication that you will be pregnant. It is good to know as it is reassuring. I was reassured to find out that my clinic was consistently top. Also, compare their success rate to the national average;

  4. Waiting times: regardless of your age you do not want to be waiting endlessly for an appointment, during your research find out the waiting times before your initial appointment. Depending on the popularity of the clinic waiting times can be from 1-6 months. So, ask them during your telephone conversation, to have an indication of how long before your first appointment.
  5.  First impressions matter. How did your initial contact with the clinic went:  where they professional? did you feel welcome? Did you feel like this is the place you should be having treatments? Are the staff courteous, polite, friendly and helpful?

I don’t want you to go through the same problems we faced, which is why I have written this piece. I hope that you have found it helpful, and hope that you will find place where you can have a treatment which will result in what your hearts desires. Please share and leave comment if you have found this helpful.

Men and Infertility

strength-for-tomorrowI cannot and will never understand how a man deal with infertility.  However, I live with one and had a glimpse into his thoughts and actions during the trying period.

It is general knowledge that men are different from women both physically and emotionally,  they deal with issues differently, infertility included.

My husband was not diagnosed as infertile. But he had to deal with my diagnosis and the wait as much as I had to, we were in it together, trying to get pregnant. My hubby is not one to display his emotions, he’s a very guarded guy and often likes to be in control. I have never seen him cry not even when he lost his brother. Dealing with our inability to become pregnant did not change him. He never broke down and sob like I dis, he was a very strong support for me, my back born and always had an uplifting word no matter the diagnosis.

He was the reason I kept going but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t read his thoughts..

Well during this time I realised men deal with infertility in the following ways:

  1. A woman cries and calls her best friend when she receives a not so good news, a man doesn’t cry, none call his best friend, he goes for a walk.
  2. A woman gets a test result and is on the phone to her partner, a man gets a test results and wait to share the news when he gets home.
  3. A woman is up all night because she is anxious about starting the next course of treatments. A man sleeps soundly as if nothing is happening the next day,
  4. A woman charts each ovulation to know exactly when to copulate. A man walks in and says, you are too intense, give it a rest and walks out.
  5. A woman wants to he held and cuddled and told everything will be alright. A man wants to be left alone, and when asked if everything is alright stares at you and wonders what you are talking about.

  6. A woman sees every baby and coos over them, a man just smile politely and looks on nonchalantly.
  7. A woman’s emotions are on display for all to see, a man’s is always guarded and rarely shows emotions.
  8. A woman’s emotions flips on and off, a man’s is pretty much constant.
  9. A woman talks and talks and shares and shares about  her fears, hopes and dreams. A man listens while the TV is on, nods and says yea, everything will be fine.
  10. Women have no reasoning at all during this time, I didn’t, I couldn’t understand why I cannot carry a child, but my hubby was always philosophical about things.
  11. A man may later share his thoughts if everything walks out right, or may never do.

Men deal with infertility their own way and keep their feelings in check.  they don’t want their partners to see them broken, they want to be strong us when we are weak. I know this because If I had seen my husband broken, I would have lost all hope.

bigger-faithThey are also a big support system, my hubby was and held me up when I was down, he was a huge support, always holding my hand through the difficulty.

He later said he was so angry with God at one point and wondered why God wouldn’t just bless me with a child as I was so faithful in serving him.

I may not have seen him cry but I know that he felt my pain and deals with it in his own way. I don’t know why men don’t talk so much about it as women do. I often wonder if they  do feel socially inferior as women do?

Men do not have to worry about a biological clock as women do, could that be the reason why, there is no urgency about it all?

Do they wonder about their past the way we do?  Crying, asking for forgiveness over and over again over a past mistake?

even though they may not express their emotions in the same way as women, I do know that do feel the same pain as much as we do.

They do feel the pain and fear of not being able to be a father. They may wonder what it will be like to be pregnant as well as what it will be like to hold their own child, to see that first smile? To teach and do them stuff with their child.

Do they fear that they will never feel those exquisite Joys of fatherhood? To see the first steps, to hear them say dada, to kiss them goodnight?  

A man’s a pain may even be deeper than a woman as they wonder if they are any Less of a man for not passing their seed to the next generation.

An encouragement to women, do not be hard on your man if he’s not as open as you are. He deals with his pain differently from you. Encourage him to talk about how he feels, and wait for him to want to do so in his time.

Be no less loving, sweet and encouraging because he seem distance, that’s his way.

As you both walk this road faithfully, my hope for you is that you will both find a positive end to your story.

we would love to hear from a man’s perspective, comment below to share your thoughts

 

Your partner in hope.

D’Ebi

 

Related article: My Wishes

Unfair Generosity

be the momI often hear statements like these “life’s not for”, or ‘this is not fair’. We uttered these words during times of hardships or whenever we are faced with difficult circumstances..

For me, I saw life as unfair when I failed to get pregnant while a young girl who has no means of taking  care of her child keeps getting pregnant.
Life isn’t fair when those who have no business having kids, do and the kids end up being abused.

I will never forget the day I cried after watching the sentencing of a couple who murdered their child, ‘it’s not fair I wailed!’

Surely, God should have seen this coming and placed that child in a lovely home to parents who will raise them better. 

Life isn’t fair when another friend tells me she is pregnant by accident….really? Is there any such thing? I often wondered. Why not me? ‘I would love an accidental pregnancy’ ”Lord”… 

Unfairness seems to be everywhere I looked as a waiting woman. It doesn’t matter the blessings I enjoyed, I looked at them with the eyes of unfairness. I would enjoy it better if I had kids, “ I reasoned”.

It dawned on me that there will never be a fairness in life as long as I chose to view every situation from “my cup is half empty”…

Let me ask these questions of you as I asked myself while going through my waiting period. How many times have you asked, ‘why me for each blessing you received’? For being promoted at work? Or receiving an unexpected gift. 

Surely it’s unfair to find strength to face this situation, while others struggle to keep their marriage and lose their health. Some folks didn’t make it as far as you did.

Is life unfair when We are repeatedly blessed financially? 

Is life unfair when God constantly provides to meet our needs with funds for each treatment and medication? No, we never considered that some people will never be able to afford a treatment for infertility. 

Is life unfair when your spouse or partner showers you with unfailing love even in the midst of infertility? Some marriages couldn’t withstand the pressure of waiting and trying.

Our obsession with comparing ourselves to others has bred a generation of ungrateful beings.

Have you ever stopped to think that your blessings is viewed as unfair by someone else? 

The workers in the story in Matthew 20, viewed their employer’s generosity as unfair… They wanted a decent pay for a good day’s work… However they were surprised to find that even those who started work at the close of day got as much as those who started earlier. 

“O”, how unfair” they cried…how can we who started at six, put in a day’s job, get the same wages as those who started at the end of the day.

They failed to realised that the farmer’s generosity wasn’t based on an hourly rate. It was a daily flat rate regardless of the time worked. They negotiated the Daily rate deal for those who were to come after…

Those who got the same for doing less never complained, only those who did more for the same

No, we never complained when we are at the receiving end of a blessings only when we deemed others more blessed than they should be or more blessed than us…

Who determines who gets what? The wage giver and in his time he will give what he deems fit to everyone who asks.

Did he not promise everyone who ask receives? Not he who asked first, or ask last. 

You may have asked longer than the newly wedded couple down the road, who just welcomed their first baby … they are the labourers who just entered the farm.

Regardless, you will be rewarded with the same blessings, a child…long wanted, who will be welcomed, wrapped in fine clothing, a gift for your labour.

 It won’t matter how long you have waited then… faithfully wait and do away with the comparison.
What is viewed as unfair is someone’s blessings. Let’s learn to celebrate others as we wait expectantly for our blessings.

 

Your partner in Hope

 

Debbie

Avoid Depression 

free PrintablesA wait that is hopeful is a wait that looks forward expectantly, purposely and joyously.

A wait which strengthens and prepares your heart for what you expect. What use is there in being miserable on the journey? Easy to say unh? Unfortunately misery often accompanied me while I waited for my little bean.

I thought I was strong, always the positive one until I couldn’t get pregnant. I kept it together for a while until the questions started coming. Questions from well meaning friends and foes. The scale finally tilted and I almost caved in to depression.

A subtle, creepy creature sneaks in, often  from a reaction to  an angry outburst, or insensitive slur it comes unannounced taking hold of its prey.

I felt I was losing control of my emotions and started feeling helpless. I sought help and found out that  the following can be a sign of depression:shake it off

Helplessness: research have shown that whenever we are depressed, we usually experience a feeling of helplessness. Our feelings are brought about by our thoughts which produces fruits. Good fruits or bad fruits.

If you constantly think thoughts like “why us/me”? “everyone is having a baby but me”, “will I ever have kids”?, “I give up”. This will be followed by a feeling of helplessness, which in turn leads to misery characterised by constant tears. 

Deep sadness: as he thinks, so he is. Infertility is a cause of misery which leads to deep sadness. An indescribable feeling which also leads to feelings of helplessness.

If you constantly dwell on the negative, joy and peace will elude you. How can you expect to feel great when your heart is heavy from pain. 

Feelings of rejection: as our thoughts leads to deep sadness in time we may begin to feel rejected. This feeling is a worse state of being because we may fall into the trap of interpreting the actions of everyone based on our issues.

I decided to do something about my mental state to avoid going over the edge.

  1.  Talk about my feelings: I started opening up about my feeling and soon found release. You can go for counselling if you do not want to feel vulnerable in front of friends. Your local clinic or health centre may be able to recommend a good counselling clinic. There might be sessions for those struggling to conceive, with programs designed to help deal with  depression.
  2. I decided to be joyful on  purpose: Your mind is the control room of your whole body. It sends signal to your brain, heart and body. Feed it with good and positive things and out of it will come joy. 
  3. Find inspiration around you: be inspired when you hear a good news story, either on the news or from a magazine or a kind act. Train mind to focus on the good concerning your situation. Controlling your thought is the first step in achieving freedom from depression. img_2580

  4. Be anchored to hope: hope is what keeps you going, believing and trying. Hopes is the tread which keeps you tied to the dream. If you don’t keep your hopes up, they will go down and soon you will drift away from your dreams, faith and beliefs. Be a prisoner to hope, build a strong resolved to try and trust again. Be convinced about something good coming your way.
  5. Pray: prayer really helped me let go of the hurt, pain and disappointment I felt from not falling pregnant. In praying we can release the heavy burden, sadness, helplessness and depression to God. In prayer, we become free.

I am not denying the fact that there will be days when tears is all you’ve got, when the pain of trying weighs you down. The pain is real and present. However, deciding to enjoy life and live free from depression may be the push you need to get  through it. 

Remember: the clouds will come, then it gives way to the sun. Every downpour will cease, trouble and pain will be followed by gain, we may understand some and  others we may not.

So whatever season you are in right now,  remember, after a while this too shall pass.

Your Friend and Partner in Hope

 

D’Ebi