Presents and Kids

The months and weeks leading up to Christmas can be a difficult time for the trying couple or family.

I use to keep away from the city centres because I did not want to be greeted with all the beautifully wrapped kids presents.

I couldn’t bear to look at them. It was too painful. I had no child, but there they were, months and weeks before Christmas inviting shoppers to get something for their kids.

It is difficult not to feel a pang of pain knowing that this year you won’t be getting a present for your child.

It is particularly difficult if you have lost a child you once use to buy presents for.

As you go through this season of Christmas I want to remind you that this is a season of hope, love and peace.

Jesus was born to replace our pain with joy. Joy may not be what you are experiencing right now but He also brings hope.

During this time I was encouraged by what the bible says:

In psalms 146:5, God is my hope. He is my help enabling me face each day. He is faithful forever V6, and lifts those who are down. V8.

I certainly did not feel hopeful during those times but as I begin to acknowledge that he is my helper I began to experience relief from despair, my mood lightens and I am able to find strength to partake in the celebration of His birth

My encouragement to you today is to find your hope in God.

As the season unfolds, sometimes you may be filled with moments of joy and may experience intense pain.

remember He promises to be our light in darkness and our hope for the future.

Now I have two girls and there is no end to the presents..

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related Reading:

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/01/the-christmas-promised/

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Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

I have previous written about the struggles of Gabriella Union  (46) in my post

speak out”.

In her interview to pure woman she told a heartbreaking story of going through 7-8 miscarriage. What pain she must have gone through. .

She found out that she has adenomyosis, which is endometriosis of the uterus. It occurs when the endometrial tissue, the same tissue that lines the uterus, grows into the the muscular wall of the uterus, causing intense period pain, prolonged and heavy menstrual bleeding and, in severe cases like Union’s, infertility.

Union did not give up, and than masked the problem which she felt they were doing by advising her to go on the pills, she felt the problem where being masked.

Fast forward to November 7 she and her husband Dwayne Wade  welcomes a beautiful Miracle baby girl via surrogacy.

Her Instagram post is one of pure joy. You can tell that although the road leading to this was littered with pain and tears it was also hope and faith filled.

She did not give up, when her body said no, she sought other option, surrogacy.

A cation on one of her Instagram post was “This little dynamo reminds me to never give up on my dreams “.

I wanted to share this story with you because it is one of faith, hope, and the miracle of having a baby against all odds.

You too maybe at a point where it seems all Hope is lost, you have tried and tried but still nothing seems to be happening.

Don’t give up, try and try again.

Explore the options available to you, do hide away in grief. Speak out. And seek help..

You deserve a baby you deserve to experience the joy of that first smile and many more afterwards. .

Joy and and hope is not the presence of a few.you too can and I hope will become a mum as you with hope, faith and vigor try one more time.

If you want to know more about surrogacy please see previous post here

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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A Huge Cost:

40 years ago the first IVF baby was born. Since then thousands of babies have been born via this process at a huge cost.

The decision to undergo the IVF process is very often the last resort after other means of conception has been tested without success.

It is the last choice for couples because undergoing the procedure comes at a huge cost. And very few couples succeed at the very first try. We certainly didn’t. It took 3 attempts before we fell pregnant.

What price would you pay to have a child? So many couples have remortgage their properties, incur huge debt and lost their health in their quest to have their precious baby.

As I ponder over the Christmas story it struck me that God gave Christ to us at Christmas to redeem the world.

Redeeming mankind came at a huge cost to him. He gave up something precious to gain many sons and daughters.

If you are struggling and trying to come to terms with the cost you have to put to get your a child, be conformed in the knowledge that your Heavenly Father took a very painful decision to give up His Son for the redemption of mankind.

You may have paid a great price in your quest for a baby. Subjecting your body to endless probe and test, enduring the pain of lost pregnancies and stillbirth,

and determined to try again.

Your Heavenly Father walked where you walked, he suffered lost for a greater joy.

At Christmas while Earth welcomed a baby, heaven moaned a lost.

My prayer and hope for you this 4th day of Advent is that you too will have the outcome you so desire. That your pain will not be in vain and the price you have had to pay will be worth it in the end.

Because, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. Luke 1:68.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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A Full Life: October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss.

October is dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss. 

Usually when we remember those we have lost it is with sadness and a deep sense of wishes. 

I dedicate this poem to you during this month.

I want you to remember all the good things you have become as a result of your story. You have had a full life not an empty one. 

My life is full because of you. I may not yet hold you in my arms but you do exist in my thought, vision and reality. 
I thought I lost you when I bled, it did seem so, but through this valley I found stength and faithto carry on.

My heart is filled with hope bursting with joy at the prospect of what will be. 

My heart is fertile, better, bigger and full with love. Love that I will bequeat on anyone desevering or not. 

Today i remember you with love not sadness. For I know I carry you always in my heart. 
Your partner in waiting 

D’Ebi

Celebrating Mothers Day

It’s Mother’s Day here in UK. For a very long time I did not take part in any kind of Mother’s Day celebration. I avoided it like a plague… I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate something I am not and so wanted to be.
I avoided going out as the ‘the shops were often decorated with beautiful cards for mothers. Cards of every colour adored the store shelves with heart signs and shapes. Depicting a child’s love for his/her mother… 

One one occasion I received flowers and a card from my husband. I was unhappy about this gesture. I was not going to pretend that I am a mother, I muttered under my breath..I was being realistic, calling it what it is. 

“You know I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day”.  
Why buy me a “Happy Mother’s ” day card? I asked in a strained voice.. ‘he just replied, open it’ and worked away… My husband is not my child, why should I be excited at receiving a card from him?. I thought. 

“The irrational thoughts of a childless woman”. To me, nothing makes sense anymore. 

Later that day, I felt better enough and picked up the cards and felt really really stupid.  On the front was boldly written “I Love You”. This card celebrated me as a person, me a friend, a human being, a wife, it celebrated our union and love.   

My husband of few words wanted me to know that he loves me just as much as I am now, not for what I could be, “a mother”. Mother or not, I am somebody, not defined by my circumstances or a name badge ‘mother’. 

As Mother’s Day approaches you too may be fill with dread, of well meaning friends, God children, and family celebrating their mums… You may want to crawl into bed and be invisible for the day… because you don’t want the fuss. 

I understand the feeling. I celebrated lots of Mother’s Day without being a mother and most of it was not by choice… 

I believe I truly received healing when I decided to stop being hurt by the mention of the word “mother” and I started to take part and enjoy the fun of it. 

Those around you understands too. Do not think your friends, family, or community do not care about you. Rest assured they wish for you to enjoy the pleasures of being a mother, and may show it in strange ways like buying you flowers or cards or taking you out on Mother’s Day. 
Celebrate with them.It’s a joyous occasion and besides happy doesn’t do anyone any harm, but rather relieves of the pressures and thoughts of one’s demise. 

Celebrate who you are and becoming through this process. You have been chosen to walk this path, it is tough but celebrate your strengths 
Celebrate because some were crushed by envy and jealousy but here you are, still still believing and holding on.
Celebrate the unique love your partner has for you… 
celebrate the adversity which has made you both stronger… 

After that incident with my husband I decided I was going to enjoy mother’s day every year. I was a Godmother, an aunty, A mother to be . That qualifies me to celebrate.

I stopped dreading the approach and started to write out cards to mothers whom I admire… 
You may not go as far as I did, but I encourage you to see yourself as what you want to be, ‘a mother’ and be joyful in that knowledge. 
Knowing that even though you may not be a mother right now? You may be one some day.
My prayer for you is that:

You will enjoy the pains of childbirth
Give suck to a child.

Feel the heartbeat of your child next to you

Feel the crush of a tiny fingers holding yours

See the smiles of your child beaming at you

Smell the scent of baby oil running down their cheek

Feel the tenderness of their look as it starts back at you.

Hear the pitapata of tiny feet as they trundle into your bed.

Cherish the warm cuddly hugs of tiny hands around your neck.

Hear a little voice say

Mama I love you”.
Happy Mother’s Day 

Valentine’s Poem to My Unborn Child

img_1960It was Valentine’s Day and we had planed to go see a movie, then the flow came and that changed everything. 

I was tired, I felt deflated. I was just tired. Why couldn’t it wait another day before showing up. I wanted a night with my hubby, without you flowing, a reminder of what we don’t have. 

That night I wrote this, cos I was tired of trying, of bleeding, of hoping, of waiting. I was just plain tired.

No one waits for this long with out wondering if it will ever happen, so if you are in that place of tiredness. You are not alone.

See your dreams fulfilled through this poem. Christmas and waiting::

Tired of losing you. 

This pain will not go away It lingers and grips with icy cold fingers.

I am filled with dread every time you delay.

Your flow is another reminder of loss so sad it hurt.

I am tired of losing you, again and again and again. A flow not wanted albeit still descended, reminder of another lost.  

Tired of losing you, each month of  flow announced by a twinge of pain.

I bleed externally and internally
My heart thorn in pieces I fear it will erupt in a thousand tiny places. My one true hope and desires lies on a red stained pad. 

 I wonder, what’s to become of you if you do stay. I am tired of losing you.

I hope you know I desire you so badly it hurts. I grieve the absence of you, manifested in a flow.

But look forward to the day when blood will cease and a kick I will feel.

Then I can embrace the dream of you becoming real to me. 

Like me you too maybe tired of losing flowing monthly.

But no matter what, Embrace who you are becoming through this process, stronger, better and bigger, a victor not a victim. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

 

 

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Other interesting link.

The “age” thing, Unfair Generosity, Avoid Depression , We are equals

New Again 

It is a New Year, another year to hope and believe, to anticipate better things and to expect success as we look forward and begin afresh.

How do you explain to a 5 year old what a New Year is? My daughter knows the dates of the month, but has no concept of What a New Year is. She celebrated the dawn of 2017  by staying up late with us.

As we chorused ‘Happy New Year’ around the house my little girl ran up to me and said these words “Happy New You” mummy… I paused and asked her what she meant, she then went on to say, mom’, “we are new again”, it’s the new year…. 
Without thinking I responded yes we are new again… 

This got me thinking. 
New Again? That’s not how I felt, we grown ups know we grow older with each passing year. How am I New again?… this was definitely food for thought for me.The thought of growing older is more real to the couple trying to conceive, we all know that age is not on our side and each passing day without conceiving drives the point home.

Top of my New Year’s list during our trying days was my wish to be pregnant “Lord let this be my year”. It was my only request…. and that prayer went unanswered for 7 years 
I felt older each year….

I did not feel new again, I felt robbed of my youth, of not being able to carry a child in my prime. When will I become a mum? At one point I asked God to give me a child at a specific time to avoid going over a certain age…. still no baby…. 

How do you view the arrival of another New Year? Certainly Not New Again. You may have given up trying, hoping and praying, as your reservoir of hope runs out, you look forward without any real expectations.

“How? Where do we start from? You ponder. New Year, new hopes, same dream… still no result? 

My daughter’s statement reminded me of another statement “ he makes all things beautiful in his time” Let me encourage you to have fresh hopes, yes the years are rolling by, we all grow old and it may seem that you are aging faster than you would like…, you look into the Year and can’t seen to see your child…. but an aging womb…. 

Be encouraged “He Makes All Things New”.
See the future with fresh eyes of faith, let the Knowledge of the creator infuse you with fresh zeal and assurance. Believe for new faith to see beyond now to what will be. Let your faith bloom, like fresh flowers in spring time.

My daughter is right, ‘ We Are New Again’. New in our thinking, New in our actions, New in our friendships, and relationships. Renewed in our beliefs. New in what we choose to believe. New visions. 

Most of all we can be New in our spirit and soul. He make all things new including our dying eggs, yes he can recreate and create new ovaries or sperm. 

Do not let your zeal or faith grow cold for lack of results, yes you are New Again for He makes all things New…
Happy New Year.