Hope does not bring shame.

Here we are, the last day of 2021. We were given 375 days, but not everyone made it to the end.

My prayer at the start of 2021 was for protection, to remain in health and strength. Looking back I can see that my prayers were answered. Of course I asked for other blessings, but I have come to know that lasting blessings are worth more than material wealth or comfort.

As you look back over the year, what blessings stand out to you?

What battles did you overcome? Where there small mile stones you celebrated?

We sometimes over look some blessings because they don’t seem to come front and centre. compared to the big things we asked for.

I get it. For years having a child of my own was front and centre for me as well, it was my number one prayer at the beginning and end of each year.

At some point, I yielded my expectations, dreams and hope to God. I prayed for strength and he gave me strength to continue to expect, I prayed for wisdom and he directed my steps to the right places, he placed good friends in my path a support system through trying times.

These blessings were not front and centre non did they featured in my prayer list at the beginning of the year, but taking stock at the time, they were answers to prayers.

So as you look back, to 2021. Give thanks for those who helped you on this journey, the spouse/partner who stayed and support you. The Holy Spirits leading and the strength to continue and hope on into 2022.

Hope is defined by Webster: “to desire with expectation of fulfil.” Continue to hope in 2022, but give hope wings, infuse your hope with faith in the God who makes all things possible.

Because hope expects, faith believes and receives.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

Other pieces

Good News of Great Joy, Our Hope For The New Year. 2020: The Year Where the impossible, becomes Possible. Faith Vs Fear, New Again , Kick Start Your Fertility in 2020

The True Gift Of Christmas

The Birth of Christ brought profound joy as well as grim news of a saviour who would die and rescue the world.

Mary felt Joy for Her saviour and child was born. But she also knew that he will be opposed for he’s appointed for the rise and fall of many. Luke 2.34-35.

I imagined she was sad/thorn because of the impending danger he faced early and  later years in life.  
Yes, Christmas morning brought both joy and sadness.  And as the years rolled by Mary watched her baby the saviour slept, with teary eyes, she knew the holy one of Israel would pay  for the sins of the world.

So why she was happy at his birth. The long awaited arrival of the saviour meant joy for Many, but for Mary his arrival ended her peace. Her heart felt pain each time he went out of the house.

Every time he left the house, She anticipated, she wondered at every knock, every greeting, her heart skipped a beat. Has the time come?

So for you Christmas morning may mean so many things it maybe mixed with Joy and happiness, you are here still standing, a loving partner, family and friends, a job, and hope for the future.
Or you may have lost your marriages, had another  miscarriage, loss a child, received the dreaded news of blocked tubes, ageing eggs, No job, no funds. Yes Christmas came, but your reality is one of fear for the future.

On this Christmas day, let your heart be quiet and still, be reassured that you are His priced possession.

Your celebration maybe with gratitude, joy, dissatisfaction or disappointment. Just know that “you are His and He is yours”.

Christmas is more than just physical gifts it is an eternal gift of Hope, Joy, deep contentment in knowing that He who has promised will be faithful as He said:

“I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you”.That’s the true gift of ChristmasHis abiding presence with us, which is our reassuring Hope.

Merry Christmas

Your partner in Hope

Related post .

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Moments of Splendors

What would you consider the most memorable time of your life?

Was it when you got married, got your degree, moved houses, got a new job? received a long expected news?

These are all great achievements to be celebrated but cannot be regarded as moments of splendor.

Moments of splendor was when an angel appeared to Mary and the wise men to tell of the birth of Jesus. They fell on their feet and worshiped. As the songs “the angel of the lord came down and glory shone around”.

I sometimes wondered what that moment was like for Mary and the shepherds: Some described their reaction as one of fear, but I think they were dazed, speechless and yes felt fearful, reverential fear.

This advent as you wait on your promise I pray that you will experience a moment of splendor in the revealing of whom Jesus His. May the power which came upon Mary Come on you and strengthened your body to conceive.

Enjoy this poem.

Moments of splendor, released by sparkling lights, Of angel piercing the skies, announcing the birth of our savior.

Moments of splendour it was as the angel said Fear not, good news is come Of a saviour born today In Bethlehem.

Such splendour thrills my heart. O the wonder of his birth, to see the glory of Christ our king.

Moments of splendour which brings hope. To know He came to be bruised, to be scorned, to be wounded.

That I might be made whole. In this my faith rest and my heart assured of His promise to me.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

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Christmas Traditions, Advent: Walking in Our shoes, Blessings In Waiting, Advent: Season of Hope, Celebratory seasons, The Christmas Promise

 

 

The age question.

Yesterday’s post was about how the promised Christ was born 680 years after His birth was foretold.

Today I want to talk about another promised child Issace.

Abraham was 75 year old when God told him he will be a father of multitudes.

Becoming a parent at 75 in today’s world will be considered irresponsible, selfish, foolish, headlines screams “stupid”.

Our world have certain ideas and expectations of when our body should reproduce, never mind the wonders of technology, pregnancy over 40 is almost a taboo, let alone at 50,60 etc.

So for Abraham and Sarah to become parents at 100 is mind boggling to me.

Consider Sarah for a minute, she laughed when she heard the angel spoke of her being a mother. Sarah has written herself off, she knew she was pass her child bearing age, so that suggestion was not one she considered possible.

That laughter was load. It was doubt, it connotes the ridiculousnesses of the thought, it was filled with resignation.

But God fulfilled his promise to Abraham and Sarah and by so doing, paved the way for the Christmas promised “Christ”.

Because Jesus was from the linage of David who is a descendant of Issac.

Hope deferred makes the heart seek, says proverbs. simply put, the longer it takes, the more despondent we become.

I am not asking you to have children at 70, but to look at what is possible and what God can do.

You may have gone past what is considered to be the worlds ideal for child bearing age and have resigned yourself to not happening children.

God can heal, he turned Sarah’s womb and touched Abraham’s body – He can restore loss hope and bring a greater return than expected. Like Sarah and Abraham He can bring that long awaited promise to be.

If God can do it for Sarah, he is the same

Just as Sarah’s disbelief didn’t stop the promise from being fulfilled, so too, nothing can stop God’s promise to you.

Your partner in Hope

Debi

Related post.

The Christmas Miracle, The Christmas Promise, The Possbilities of Christmas , Christmas and waiting, Advent: Walking in Our shoes. Advent: Season of Hope, Good News of Great Joy

Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

I have previous written about the struggles of Gabriella Union  (46) in my post

speak out”.

In her interview to pure woman she told a heartbreaking story of going through 7-8 miscarriage. What pain she must have gone through. .

She found out that she has adenomyosis, which is endometriosis of the uterus. It occurs when the endometrial tissue, the same tissue that lines the uterus, grows into the the muscular wall of the uterus, causing intense period pain, prolonged and heavy menstrual bleeding and, in severe cases like Union’s, infertility.

Union did not give up, and than masked the problem which she felt they were doing by advising her to go on the pills, she felt the problem where being masked.

Fast forward to November 7 she and her husband Dwayne Wade  welcomes a beautiful Miracle baby girl via surrogacy.

Her Instagram post is one of pure joy. You can tell that although the road leading to this was littered with pain and tears it was also hope and faith filled.

She did not give up, when her body said no, she sought other option, surrogacy.

A cation on one of her Instagram post was “This little dynamo reminds me to never give up on my dreams “.

I wanted to share this story with you because it is one of faith, hope, and the miracle of having a baby against all odds.

You too maybe at a point where it seems all Hope is lost, you have tried and tried but still nothing seems to be happening.

Don’t give up, try and try again.

Explore the options available to you, do hide away in grief. Speak out. And seek help..

You deserve a baby you deserve to experience the joy of that first smile and many more afterwards. .

Joy and and hope is not the presence of a few.you too can and I hope will become a mum as you with hope, faith and vigor try one more time.

If you want to know more about surrogacy please see previous post here

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

To Adopt or Not.

I previously wrote about the various options towards becoming a parent. One of such option is adoption.

Adoption brings as much joy to a couple as if they had conceived the child themselves, in adoption a parent opens up their heart to receive another human. For whatever reason the child has become separated from their birth parents and need a loving home to be nurtured.

In Adoption, a child is conceived in the hearts, not the womb.

I personally think that adoption is the most loving, selfless and beautiful act anyone can perform.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph “the father” of Jesus. As he secretly planned to do away with Mary to avoid the shame brought about by her pregnancy.

The angel of God appeared to him and commanded him to raise Jesus as his own. He was told to adopt the son of God.

Having been told by an angel I am sure he still had some questions but he was assured by the fact that, God has a plan in his story.

As you consider your options, I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal his plans for you and direct your steps to the best options toward fulfilling your dreams.

Some couples have disagreed on adoption as an option and this has led to the break down of their marriages.

If you are one of such people, my heart goes out to you. I pray that you will soon find someone who will share the same vision as you. If you desire to go it alone…May your strength be multiplied.

As you reflect on the Christmas story, remember Jesus was adopted by Joseph.

Whatever option you take towards becoming a parent may it bring you be peace and joy.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

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Unplanned Pregnancy

The planning, dreaming, scheming and hopes of the future can be seen in the eyes of newly wedded couples.

They have plans, written and spoke.

Where To live, jobs and career plans, places to visit, number of children to have.

Once settled and and the stage is set for children then begin the wait.

As months turns into years it begins to dawn on them that their plans isn’t going according to script.

We soon realise our plans have fallen through after several test, appointments and disappointments. The dreams and hopes begin to grow deem.

Mary had plans to wed Joseph her sweet heart, only for those plans to be scuppered by an unplanned pregnancy. An unwed mother, what scandal, how will she face the world? Joseph was definitely going to leave her.

Explaining why you remain childless is one of the hardest thing to do. how do you respond to the the unspoken accusation, the questioning looks, the side remarks and unkind comments.

How do you explain that this isn’t part of your plan? This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out.

To us and those around us, the waiting doesn’t make any sense. Just as being a pregnant virgin did not make sense to anyone.

Who was going to believe she was carrying the Messiah, the saviour of the world.

Mary yielded herself to God and trusted that his plans for her are perfect.

Do you feel like your plans for a baby has been hijacked? let the story of a virgin Mum inspire you. Believe that the end of your story holds something good.

For the best laid plans are those planned by the master.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Celebrating Mothers Day

It’s Mother’s Day here in UK. For a very long time I did not take part in any kind of Mother’s Day celebration. I avoided it like a plague… I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate something I am not and so wanted to be.
I avoided going out as the ‘the shops were often decorated with beautiful cards for mothers. Cards of every colour adored the store shelves with heart signs and shapes. Depicting a child’s love for his/her mother… 

One one occasion I received flowers and a card from my husband. I was unhappy about this gesture. I was not going to pretend that I am a mother, I muttered under my breath..I was being realistic, calling it what it is. 

“You know I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day”.  
Why buy me a “Happy Mother’s ” day card? I asked in a strained voice.. ‘he just replied, open it’ and worked away… My husband is not my child, why should I be excited at receiving a card from him?. I thought. 

“The irrational thoughts of a childless woman”. To me, nothing makes sense anymore. 

Later that day, I felt better enough and picked up the cards and felt really really stupid.  On the front was boldly written “I Love You”. This card celebrated me as a person, me a friend, a human being, a wife, it celebrated our union and love.   

My husband of few words wanted me to know that he loves me just as much as I am now, not for what I could be, “a mother”. Mother or not, I am somebody, not defined by my circumstances or a name badge ‘mother’. 

As Mother’s Day approaches you too may be fill with dread, of well meaning friends, God children, and family celebrating their mums… You may want to crawl into bed and be invisible for the day… because you don’t want the fuss. 

I understand the feeling. I celebrated lots of Mother’s Day without being a mother and most of it was not by choice… 

I believe I truly received healing when I decided to stop being hurt by the mention of the word “mother” and I started to take part and enjoy the fun of it. 

Those around you understands too. Do not think your friends, family, or community do not care about you. Rest assured they wish for you to enjoy the pleasures of being a mother, and may show it in strange ways like buying you flowers or cards or taking you out on Mother’s Day. 
Celebrate with them.It’s a joyous occasion and besides happy doesn’t do anyone any harm, but rather relieves of the pressures and thoughts of one’s demise. 

Celebrate who you are and becoming through this process. You have been chosen to walk this path, it is tough but celebrate your strengths 
Celebrate because some were crushed by envy and jealousy but here you are, still still believing and holding on.
Celebrate the unique love your partner has for you… 
celebrate the adversity which has made you both stronger… 

After that incident with my husband I decided I was going to enjoy mother’s day every year. I was a Godmother, an aunty, A mother to be . That qualifies me to celebrate.

I stopped dreading the approach and started to write out cards to mothers whom I admire… 
You may not go as far as I did, but I encourage you to see yourself as what you want to be, ‘a mother’ and be joyful in that knowledge. 
Knowing that even though you may not be a mother right now? You may be one some day.
My prayer for you is that:

You will enjoy the pains of childbirth
Give suck to a child.

Feel the heartbeat of your child next to you

Feel the crush of a tiny fingers holding yours

See the smiles of your child beaming at you

Smell the scent of baby oil running down their cheek

Feel the tenderness of their look as it starts back at you.

Hear the pitapata of tiny feet as they trundle into your bed.

Cherish the warm cuddly hugs of tiny hands around your neck.

Hear a little voice say

Mama I love you”.
Happy Mother’s Day 

The Voice

Social-Listening-574x270

There is a popular singing contest on TV called the voice. If you are not familiar with the format let me educate you…

contestants perform in front of a live audience with 4 judges whose back are turned on them. The judges can only hear the contestant sing without seeing their face… they have to listen to their Voice, tune and melody of the songs to decide who goes through to the next round…

If a judge likes what he/she hears, they press a buzzer which indicates to the contestants that they are wanted by that judge. If more than one judge pushes the button, the contestant have to choose which judge to mentor them in the competition.

 

It is packed with excitements, emotions and disappointments. I like it when all the judge’s press their buzzer, leaving it up to  it is up to contestant to choose the judge they want to mentor them in the show.

Do you know we all listen to a voice? We tune our listening ear to its sound, weighting our decisions in light of “the voice”.


The Voice we contend with are often not as clear as the sound of music, sometimes they may be shrouded in other sounds buried in the daily chores which contends for our attention leaving us confused as to which choice to make.

For anyone who has suffered from infertility you will understand that there are so many voices we hear:

They could be the voice of your in-laws if you are married or in a relationship. “Voices” Begging and urging you to seek help.

while Inside you want to scream out loud

“I have sought help alright”,

“what more can I do?”

The voice of well meaning friends who constantly educate us on the latest medical intervention and how we should hurry up and get started.

The voice of your doctor.

The voice of your spouse

the voices of your family

The voices of friends

The voices of work colleagues and your own inner voice.

The voice we so desperately want to hear is the ‘Voice of The Lord’,

we wait, we try to discern it, we listen for it, we are sure we will press the buzzer and make the right choice if we know it’s His voice but, His voice is unclear or so it seems, amidst the other voices. We just can’t figure out which is His.

We cry out “Lord speak to me”.

I want to hear your voice…..

Silence greets us, we wait, we hope, we cry.


The infertile couple is faced with endless choice as time passes by, this adds to the confusion of not knowing which voice to listen for .


How to distinguish His Voice.

  1. His voice is distinct, amidst the many sounds we hear one thing is sure, his voice is distinct. His voice does not content with other voices because he is not the author of confusion. He is speaking and will continue to speak to us, to hear and distinguish his voice from others, ask him to teach you to listen…

  2. His voice is not forceful: He is not forceful or demanding, other voices can be demanding and forceful, but his is gentle and soothing, it brings peace. Because He is the Prince of Peace.

  3. His Voice is specific without being demanding or forceful: His word is clear about what he wants for us, that is specific and he will confirm His word to us by being specific.

  4. His voice is real: his voice is not  fake or concealed in other directives for you to discern his intention, no. He won’t leave you guessing because his intention is not to confuse you but to direct and guide you.

 

Have the other voices drown out the one true “Voice”?.

Are you tired of hearing many conflicting voices and just cannot discern which is the Father’s?

Listen for a distinct voice, one that is not forceful, but gentle, peaceful, with specific instructions from his word that is real.

His Voice brings peace and hope. If you press your buzzer for that voice, you know you are on the path to having your needs met.

Stay Still, wait, listen, and you will hear “His Voice”.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

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Others View Point

The trying heart is full of questions. There was no single day I did not ask questions of myself, of others and of God.
Questions like: 

Why me? Yes we all ask that
What next?

How will this story end?

Will I ever become a mother?

Will I be able to handle life without a child? 

Who will call me moma? 

How do others see Me? This last question was once a constant thought on my mind.

At first it was a non-issue, I cared less what others thought of me, but as my time on the waiting mill continued and the knowing looks and side comments from others flowed in, I wondered: “what do they think of me” Barren, infertile, deserving of it? 

For the one trying the questions never ceases, at appointments, we are full of them, we throw numerous questions at our Doctor hoping for the answer we’ve been looking for. Hoping they will finally provide an explanation for our predicament.

We ask questions of ourselves and of others: because: 

  1. We want reassurance that our situation has a reason and that reason is not down to our faults or the faults of others: 
  2. We also want to find comfort in knowing that we are not thought of in a bad way. We want people to see us, not as victims of our situations. 

I will never forget the day I asked my husband what he thought of me. With an incredulous look on his face he answered with a question of his own “why would you ask that kind of question”, and went further to ask “has your view of me changed through this process”? Since we  it’s question time. 

He answered: I think you will make a great mum and I can’t wait to see that happen.You have been phenomenal in handling this situation, your resolve and faith inspires me. I believe you will come through a winner.

We want reassurance that our love ones still see us with the same eyes of love. 

 His answers were reassuring and genuine, but there is one whose view of us matters most to us: God: 

Question: So how do you think God sees you in terms of your situation? What do you think he thinks of you? 

  • Do you think he smirks when he looks at you When he hears you pray and ask for him to help you through  this phase? 
  • Do you think he sees you as a sinner who had that child aborted which makes you undeserving of a child now? 
  • Do you think that’s how the creator sees you? Unworthy to hold a baby of your own?

Sitting right where you are now reading this, pause and give this a thought. 
What’s been your view of God’s view of you. 
If it’s been one of unworthiness and undeserving? 
Let me enlightening you, whether you are a christian or not, you are deserving of having to hold your own little precious bundle of joy. 

As Christians we know that God loved us so much he GAVE His Son, His only Son for us on the cross. That is love, we were sinners and undeserving of that sacrifice but He Did it. 

If he gave up His Only Son for us, will he not also freely give us everything we desire? Yes He will. 
That’s my message to you today. He made that sacrifice for you, before infertility became the battle of your entire existence. His profession of love was in the form of a baby, how can he withhold you from holding your own baby?



God’s word is very clear on how he feels about you and what you are going through. Do not think for one second that your past has anything to do with your current situation, or that you are been punished for things you did do or did not do. 
God has unlimited capacity of love in his reservoir that no sin, past or present can extinguish or diminish. 
Be reminded that whatever your struggles of infertility are he rejoices over you with Singing and love. His desires for your will be realised. See his view of you in: Zephaniah 3:17 as I faced this struggle, one thing reassured me, that is His unfailing love for me. 

I am reassured that he sees me loved, whole, complete and sane. He died for me, he came for me, no infertility can change that. 

His view of me? I am special and worthy to die for, and worthy to be chosen to wait in faith. Yes, he knows why I have to go through this and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold. Purified, refined and ready to be used for his glory. 

If you have struggled with God’s view of you, as you face infertility, realize you are worthy in His eyes.  
In time, your struggles  will be your cause for testimony. 

Rest, Hope, Believe. 

Your Partner in Hope: 
D’Ebi