Category: Painful Wait

The Pain of Misscarriage

D'EbiLeave a comment

what to do when you feel stuck (1)In today’s news was Gordon Ramsey and wife who had suffered a miscarriage at 5 months. I was particularly drawn to this story because I too suffered a few miscarriages. As I read their story something struck me, it doesn’t matter if you already have 4 lovely kids or are waiting for your first child, the pains are just as raw, cruel and real. It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or poor, miscarriage knows no class.

What it feels like:

I know first-hand what it feels like. For a couple or woman suffering from infertility, falling pregnant and having a miscarriage is the worst nightmare. when we finally fall pregnant with the baby we’ve waited for, we were in disbelief. It’s funny how we gap in disbelief when something we have been waiting for finally happened.

When I found out I was pregnant, I walked around in disbelief for days, no one knew, except my hubby. We did not jump in excitement but just went about numb, until the 6th week, when it felt like we can begin to hope.

HOPE DASHED

Hope is a beautiful thing, it fills your heart with joy, and gladness. I walked around like I was carrying a secret, which I was.

Hope brings happiness and offers peace eternal. Until my story changes, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, no heartbeat. Something was wretched out of me.

How can this be happening to me? God no, how can I have waited so long for a baby only to have my hope dashed again? Is this going to be another story of infertility and loss. I can remember thinking I can suffer one, but not both.

I hoped it won’t happen again and I was wrong. I lost two babies in a row, hope gone. The worse part was I had to bleed it out, I had to have a mini labour. It was not a pleasant experience as I watched my child slowing bleed away as I called it.

YOUR REALITY

You too may have suffered the same fate, and feel at your wits end, perhaps you are well in age and wondering if you will ever fall pregnant again, or you maybe young and feel the uncertainty of the future, as you feel helpless, lonely and hopeless.

Tears were my frequent companions most days as my heart became too heavy from the burden I bear. I felt as if life was having a laugh at my expense.

I wanted answers but none was fought coming:

“It happens” was the response from doctors,” just try again was what I got from friends”, it was with dread I went to my appointments. Even now the pain is still real.

I HOPED AGAIN:

But I found the strength to go on, to live again, to hope and to try again. There is an appointed time for everything under the sun, I reasoned, my season will come. My help comes from the Lord, who helped me to hoped again, dreamed again and believed again. what to do when you feel stuck

Although my questions remained unanswered, He became my partner in hope: I found comfort in his word:

  “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Psalm 42:5

He gave me strength to wait again:” I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.  Psalm 130:5.

Waiting is always the hardest part through it all: with Infertility, we are constantly waiting, waiting for the test to show positive, waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting at for the test results, waiting more waiting: But with his strength, the wait was made easier, as I place each disappointment in his care.

My wish for you is that you will keep hope alive, no matter what, and when the wait seems endless just draw strength from his word which will infuse you with peace and the patience you need to keep try again.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

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Your partner in hope

Debbie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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When We Rant. 

D'EbiLeave a comment

 


I want out, I cannot do this anymore

I am tired, I am worn out, I cannot try another month.

I carried on ranting at no one in particular, I guess God was the closest one so you can say I was ranting at Him. A thought suddenly dropped in me, it was as if someone spoke .

Is your womb tired of waiting? I stopped to think about it, really is my womb tired or am I just tired and angry that my womb is still empty.

As I look back over my diary, I smiled in recollection at the day I vented on God.

I pondered this over and over, and asked myself the question. Is my womb tired? Did it scream out at me to stop trying? No, My womb was not tired, I was, my soul and heart yearned for a baby,
I yearned to carry my child. 

After this rant I was still and quiet for a while.

I recalled being in that position for hours, I might have fallen asleep, then I woke up to a warmth that was both comforting and safe. My Heavenly Father came down and wrapped his arms around me and filled me with his warmth and comfort.

I stood up filled with peace. He cares about my needs, he has not forgotten me, he is not angry at my rant.

Waiting for a child does all kinds of things to your senses, you talk to yourself, to an empty crib/room, suspicious of friends and rant at God. We experience all kinds of emotions, guilt, fear, loneliness, the list is endless. In the midst of my emotional roller coaster, I was able to do these 3 things daily, I stopped beating myself up, I practise meditating, and I became more thankful, it did not happen overnight, by committing 10 minutes at the beginning I was able to experience peace while I wait.
Here are my 3 tips to help you as you wait:  


1. Don’t beat yourself up, it is normal to be frustrated by the long wait, to cry and question our decision to carry on. Don’t beat up yourself or feel bad that you have reacted the way you did. Each time it happens see the next step below and while meditating, you will experience a calmness you have never felt before.

2. Have a quiet moment with yourself daily, no matter how busy you are, set time apart to be quiet. During such times, you can decide to put on some calming music, mediated by breathing in and out and just focus on the breathing, or you can just speak encouraging words to yourself. Practising calm goes a long way to release us from the tension of waiting. I am usually reinvigorated, more peaceful, hopeful and most of all, reassured that I am whole, sound and normal.

3. Be thankful always: it is so easy to take our eyes of the many blessings surrounding us, as infertility have a way of clouding our vision. Practise being thankful daily. I read sometime ago that finding 3 different things to be thankful for daily creates an atmosphere of happiness and encourages the mind to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. You can find 3 things to be thankful during your quiet times.

The more I did these the more change I experienced, everyone notice the change in me, my friends and family commented that I was a different person, truth be told some even thought we had stopped trying as we they could not understand why I looked so at peace and happy.

Our experiences should make us better, not bitter

So the next time you go on a rant spree. Don’t beat yourself you can let loose on you Heavenly Father, he can take it, he knows your deepest needs. When you feel tired and think you cannot stand another red flow, another stare from friends and family. When you feel You cannot face another negative test, he will be right by your side with arms wide open waiting to hold you.

Let your soul run to him for he is your comfort and strength. The journey to having your hearts desires met may be long but the road to him is not.

Wishes for More:

D'EbiLeave a comment


It was Easter and I had decided to spend it with a dear friend. We don’t often see each other due to the nature of our jobs. We do however find time during holidays.During one of our days out, my friend shared some good news with me. She found a job, a dream job, well almost. I finally found courage to applied for a new job she said and I got it. Wow! great news, I said.

To say her next statements was a shock to me was an understatement. She went on to say this “ but it’s not the exact position I wanted. I would have loved to get the other open position. It’s much better than this job and I think I can Do a much better job than xyz who got it, after all I am better qualified.  

Are you crazy? You have just got his amazing job and here you are comparing it to someone else’s? I couldn’t believe it. I pulled her up straightaway. 

Here I was waiting for a child and all she can talk about is the fact that some else has got a better job than hers. 
We do that sometimes, don’t we? Constantly comparing our situation to others. Wishing we had something much better than our current situation. 

She’s got a better a job than i, She’s got a better marriage, I wish our relationship was like theirs. She’s got a better car, I belt everything is going well for her, she’s got 3 well put together children, 

How about, she’s got kids and I don’t and, she’s not even a Christian. She was very promiscuous and yady yady ya 

Yet she’s married and blessed with children. 

Infertility reveals certain things about ourselves which are ugly. It was during this phase of my life I discovered some unpleasant truths about myself which I had to deal with.

Yes, we have those moments where we feel really bad and allow our mind to wander off. Nothing wrong here. It is the continued comparison and feelings of unhappiness which has the potential to really turn us into ugly and angry waiters. 
Yes, someone have it better than me, 

Yes, they only just got married

Yes, they aren’t Christian. 

Whatever it is which threatens to change you from who you were before infertility, stop and check it. Deal with your emotions

Waiting isn’t easy, to come out of this season better, here are 3 practical steps to help guard your heart 

1. Find 3 things to be thankful for daily. Research shows that finding 3 different things to be thankful for frees us from worry and forces our mind to look deep within to find what’s always being there. Making this a daily habit takes the focus off our situation and to the positives in our lives. Adopting a grateful mindset frees us from fear and worry. Cultivate this habit and soon you will see your happiness reservoir increases. 2. Do something nice daily for someone else, leave a surprise for your post man, give something nice to the guy who serves you coffee. Ask the cleaner when her/his birthday is and get her/him a nice present, volunteer at a care home, write someone a nice anonymous note. doing something for others gives a nice feeling, in that moment and for the rest of that day your focus is on someone else, taken away from your issues. 


3. Pray: prayer releases faith and replace fear. It frees us from worry and increase trust. Praying often will release you from the need to compare ourselves with others. In prayer we yield our helplessness to the all knowing and all seeing one, we place our entire trust in him because we know he has our future in his hands and will always come through for us. Comparing ourselves with others is a natural human thing to do, however it can lead to depression of we constantly see ourselves worse of in comparison with others. We all have different battles we are engaged in, it is therefore pointless to wish for some else’s life. 

Be steady in yourself, have the confidence that you can come out of this with your hearts desires, and become a better person for it. 

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A Woman In Waiting

D'Ebi2 Comments

shread of hopeHelp Lord, I don’t know what to do. I am in a place where I desire to leave, but there appears to be no way out. I know you’ve promised a way of escape in every trial and tribulation. But the longer I go through the trial of infertility the longer it seems that there is no way out.

I still love and will always love you, but I feel like I am drained of all energy to pray and ask. I feel that asking you for the same thing over and over again, diminish what you are.

I feel fear, not fear of not having a child of my own but fear that we’ll travel this road for a long time before you’ll come through for us. Is that the case Lord? Is it wrong to want you to do it now for us, by this time next year to be holding our own child? Is it wrong to give you a time frame?

The reason I feel this way is because I am looking at time, thinking I am getting older, but I remember you are ageless and operates outside time and will bring to pass our hearts need for a child regardless of age. But Lord, I don’t want to be 40 before having a child! Can I ask that, can I ask that you do it for us now! Am I allowed to ask that? Or is that lack of faith? I don’t know Lord. You know.

I feel left behind by friends and family who get pregnant before they start trying.
I feel like a pawn in your hand which you can do as you wish, I also know that you are my father a God of love who will not forsake or leave me. I know THAT Lord.
But I also feel alone, I focus on you and your power, but I also can’t help wondering why it’s taking you this long to do it.

Another reason is what I see happening around, even young mums are tired bringing up their new born, the sleepless nights, the cries, the nappy changes etc. How much more me, but then again I remember you are our strength. You said they that wait upon shall renew their strength. I know too that you will renew our strength for parenthood. I just want to see you high and lifted up in this situation.

I felt this way yesterday and told my father how I feel.
Today he encouraged me with my “Our Daily Bread” Gal 4:4.
“When the fullness of time had come, God send his Son”.
It reminded me that God’s time is perfect, though I want to have it now, though I don’t want to be 40 and my husband 58 to have kids, one thing he assured me is that he is never a day late or early, he is always just on time.

In his perfect timing he gave us his Son, when the world desperately needed a saviour he came through for us. He is still the same God, I look up to him and my countenance was enlightened.

So whenever you feel like time is passing by, that the hand of the clock is ticking and counting down, and it seems like your egg store is rapidly diminishing, remember the one who creates time can stop time for your sake and bring your heart felt desires to pass in perfect time!

 

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