How to Cope With the Stress of Infertility

How to cope with the stress of infertility

One of the worse things a couple can learn is that they are unable to have children. This very discovery can either make or break a relationship.

Having spoken with so many couples about their experiences I have discovered that everyone is affected in a different way, but one common factor is stress.

This post brings you ways of coping with the stress brought on by infertility.

The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is real to the infertile couple, this feeling if left unchecked can wreak more havoc.

The commonest forms of stress are depression, feelings of anxiety, and mental health problems.

Here are 5 ways you can adopt to deal with stress

1. Identify your feelings: Sometimes it is very difficult to know which feelings you are exhibiting so it is important to identify your feelings. It might hep to Talk to a professional to help you get in touch with your feelings. Identifying how you feel is the first step in dealing with other emotions like anger, guilt, fear, jealousy and shame.

2. Seek Help for your situations : there are a lot of resources on fertility options. (see sources below) rather than waste precious energy on negative emotions, busy yourself by seeking help. Find out all you need to know about your issues. Your doctor should be your first point of call as they will kick start the treatment process.

3. Consider the options available to you. Your research should include cost, the type of treatment available IVF, IUI, Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, other alternatives such as adoption, fostering, surrogacy should be considered also. Advancement in medicine has made possible the impossible.

4. Have a support net work. It is much easier to cope with a stressful situation by talking to someone than by coping alone. Your support net work can be a close friend, who will not be judgemental or a family member like a mum or sister. It can consist of a group or an individual. Be sure they they are people you can count on to be discreet and to always be supportive. There are lots of support groups on social media You can join but only share if you comfortable doing so.

5. Take on a hobby: Find something to do to take your mind off the situation. It can be a passion you had packed away, hiking, fund raising for a good cause, cooking or writing poetry etc. The very act of being engaged in something rewarding frees your mind from the stress of infertility.

Finally always look on the bright side. No matter how worse or bad a situation feels believe it can get better.

So I encourage you to hope for the best.

Believe the best

and expect the best to happen.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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To Adopt or Not.

I previously wrote about the various options towards becoming a parent. One of such option is adoption.

Adoption brings as much joy to a couple as if they had conceived the child themselves, in adoption a parent opens up their heart to receive another human. For whatever reason the child has become separated from their birth parents and need a loving home to be nurtured.

In Adoption, a child is conceived in the hearts, not the womb.

I personally think that adoption is the most loving, selfless and beautiful act anyone can perform.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph “the father” of Jesus. As he secretly planned to do away with Mary to avoid the shame brought about by her pregnancy.

The angel of God appeared to him and commanded him to raise Jesus as his own. He was told to adopt the son of God.

Having been told by an angel I am sure he still had some questions but he was assured by the fact that, God has a plan in his story.

As you consider your options, I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal his plans for you and direct your steps to the best options toward fulfilling your dreams.

Some couples have disagreed on adoption as an option and this has led to the break down of their marriages.

If you are one of such people, my heart goes out to you. I pray that you will soon find someone who will share the same vision as you. If you desire to go it alone…May your strength be multiplied.

As you reflect on the Christmas story, remember Jesus was adopted by Joseph.

Whatever option you take towards becoming a parent may it bring you be peace and joy.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

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Adoption is a unique and selfless act. I respect and applaud anyone who has made room in their heart and home to parent a child. 

Although I have not adopted a child, i was closely involved during the adoption process of my best friends child. I know it is a hugely rewarding and transforming experiences for both the child and parent. 
I started exploring this option after my Eureka moment read it here: 
In the UK, several agencies are involved in the adoption process, these are social services, the local authority, the courts, and other adoption agencies.
My aim is is to explain the process here in the UK… 
What is adoption? 

Adoption is a way of providing a permanent home and family to a child who can’t be bought up by their birth family. 
Why adopt? 
For me it was not because I was unable to have a child of my own, the moment I realised I can bequeath love to another human and give a child a home and make them feel love, it became irrelevant the method of being a parent.  
If I can love a child of my own, I can equally love the child birthed by another. Being a parent, is all encompassing, it involves showing and giving love, passing on life’s values and raising up kids who will be outstanding, decent citizens, this I believe should not be restricted to birth parents. Of course I arrived at this decision following my experience with infertility, but for me it was all about loving and giving. 
The Adoption process is not a smooth road. having closely observed my friend during the adoption of her child, I realised it can be both exciting and draining at the same time. 

 

The Statistics: shows that each year in England there are 4000 children waiting to be adopted, the majority are older children, as well as sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.
The Process: 
The adoption process involved working with different groups of people as mentioned above, whose job is to to ensure that prospective adopters are the best possible parents for the children. 
The Stages: 
Pre-stage one called exploration: involves knowing more about the process. Often includes reading background information and speaking with experts 
 initial checks and registration: involves locating an agency you are comfortable with and commencing the process which involves formal evaluation (might include checking Medical history), taking references and conducting background checks. It is believed that this stage takes 2 months. 
Stage 2. training and assessment 

Usually involves a social worker who is assigned to work with your family. This might involve then learning about your way of life, beliefs, social standing, work pattern etc. At the end, they will assess your strengths and produce a report to the adoption panel. This stage usually takes 4 months 
Stage 3 matching with the child 

This is where the adoption agency works with the local authorities to find the right child for you. Amongst other things, they will discuss the child with you in order to determine weather you are both suited to each other. The final decision is usually made by the adoption panel, who will bring the whole picture together, 
Stage 4 moving in

Once a match has been made, there will be a period of time to get to know the child, this will involve a series of visits and short stays. After which you apply to the court to be the legal parent. 
I learnt from my friend that the process is very invasive and involves detailed and personal questions being asked, job, housing arrangement, extended family is also looked at, sometimes medical histories. This is to ensure that the child is placed in a loving home with people who want and care for him/her. 

I acted as a reference for my friend, I am so glad to see their daughter thriving and turning into a vibrant young woman. 
The wait for your child is always worth it no matter the process, their little girl who came to be with them a few years ago has brought so much joy, fulfillment and a sweetness to the home. 
If you are considering adopting, make inquires in your local area and don’t delay any longer… Soon you will be we on your way to welcoming your child home. 
We would love to Hear your story, send us a private message if it’s so personal to you. Or leave it as a comment. 
Wishing you much success on your fertility journey..
Your partner in hope 
D’Ebi