Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

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Comfort & Joy: in the mist of infertility.

O the pains brought on by this infertility is excruciating. It reaches deep into the soul and affects every facet of our lives. It is visible for all to see and It stands out like a sore thumb.

It looks insurmountable like a great big mountain.

Our womb like a rugged road incapable of holding a child.

Our sperm seems so dead that all hope seems lost.

The outlook so bleak we become blur by endless tears from our pain.

The picture of infertility does not inspire joy.

So too was the picture of a child in a manger. Picture the manger with farm animals and a baby inside, this was not the beautiful nativity scene we see today.

I imagine it was smelly, with hen droppings, bleats of goats, very small and uncomfortable indeed. But inside that manger was a child promised to bring comfort and joy to the world.

Yes, the picture of a baby inside a manger was not inspiring but the baby was.

He came to make every crooked path straight,

Every mountain  brought low.

Every rugged places plain.

Every valley raised.

Every rough ground level.

What does this means for us today? To me it means he made the impossible possible

I can find the different causes of infertility in all of what Jesus came to change. Crooked paths, rugged places, rough patches and low valleys, what infertility represents.

Picture your situation and picture the child who came thousands of years ago, to bring hope, comfort and Joy to all.

Christmas isn’t just a feel good story, Christmas happened. Christmas is Christ in every difficult situation making them better. As you celebrate his birth this Christmas, whatever your diagnoses, picture him bringing comfort and Joy into it

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi.

A Little Town, A Great Outcome: The Christmas PromiseHope Against HopeDon’t tire, keep trying.

The Christmas Promise

So here’s what I decided to do this first day of advent and throughout this advent period, post encouraging words for those in waiting.

Christmas and the period leading up to it are usually the loneliest for the heart in waiting.

As the season unfolds, the couple in waiting is usually not the focus, instead a baby in a manger is. How do you relate to this? How do you celebrate the birth of a child when your hearts desires lingers.

So on this first day of advent I want to encourage you with this words taken from Jeremiah 33:14-15.

The days are coming declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the gracious promise that I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.

In those days and in that time, I will make a righteous shoot sprout from David’s line.

He will maintain justice and righteousness in the land.

I was reminded of this scriptures recently and encouraged by it. It’s comforting to know that God still fulfills promises.

The birth of Jesus was the fulfilment of the gracious promise he made to the house of Israel and Judah. He honoured the promised and it happened exactly as he said it would. Jesus came from David’s line and he maintained justice and righteousness in the land.

So as we approach the season of merriment be encouraged. Hold on to the promise he made to you. He said there shall be none barren or miscarriage in your home. Hold on to this and remind him of his word.

The days are coming when he will fulfil the gracious promise he made to you.

Just as Christ was the promised future hope and in His birth, death and resurrection the promise was fulfilled.

So too, he will birth in you a hope that will see you through to the fulfilment of his gracious promise.

So let not your heart be troubled.

Your Partner in Hope

D’ebi

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Past Pains. 

Today I met a beautiful friend of mine with 3 special people in tow. Over coffee we reminisce our past. The pains of waiting. 

The tears we shared over unwanted medical results and the fears we entertained on the possibility of never being a mum.

The sadness at being judged for not having kids, the trepidations we felt while waiting at the Dr’s office and the intense pain from yet another failed cycle.  

The endless questions of when will it be?

Today we drank coffee while our kids played with play doh. Together we watched them played snakes and ladders and them boss each other around.  

Today we smiled, laughed and scolded those little monkeys, but most of all today we looked back with gratitude. We counted our blessings and said a prayer for those still waiting for their miracle. 

Today was the yesterday we hoped and prayed for. 

Nothing is special about us, except we choose to hope and continue in the faces of negative results and reports.

We never gave up hope. 

When against all odds we were told our wombs cannot carry a child because it was badly scared, we hoped.

When we were told our situation was unexplained, we hoped.

When we were told no egg was viable from yet another IVF treatment we just, we hoped.

When friends after friends had babies and we go away from every christening crying, because we felt like failures, we hoped.

Today our hope is a reality. Our desires, living, talking, breathing and laughing. 

Today I encourage you to hold on, draw strength from within and keep hope alive. 

I can only ask that you look at my story and believe that perhaps your you desires too will become real. 

Resurected Hope 

Picture the scene with me: here was a woman who has had several miscarriages, she has bleed countless number of times and as she lay bleeding the last time she screamed in agony “who will call me mother”. “Who will tug at my apron strings for waffles”

“Who will wave at me from the pack of excited kids at the Christmas carol choir concert?

“Who will make little Mother’s Day card with writing barely readable 

Who? Why? When?

Who will tell me pretend stories of monkeys, gorillas and Iguanas. She lay there sobbing and crying as she recalls her losses. 

When I am in distress I call you because you answer me. 

Losing a child through miscarriage or stillbirth, or other circumstances leaves a couple drained, confused and the future uncertain.

Today week we celebrate Easter, I wonder, how did the mother of Jesus felt losing her son. Mary must have been

distraught just as any other parent. 

His earthly parents felt helpless and hopeless, one minute they had a son, the next he was gone.

I am certain they experienced the pain of loss any parent would at the loss of a child. At the time it felt like all hope was gone, they couldn’t see past the present, their loss, pain and heartache had blurred every thought. They did not see 3 days later. 

This was how I felt when I lost my two precious babies to miscarriage. Having waited for a long time I finally had something to look forward to. I thought the wait was over, when I felt pregnant but the cruel hand of lost came and snatched my dream from me. 

I was elated at the news of my pregnancy, to finally be pregnant and be an expectant mum, felt like heaven to me.

And then came the bleeding, the pain and the aches. The why mes and the when. At that moment, I felt lost, helpless and hopeless. My world came crashing down. 

Back to Mary, she didn’t see the next 3 days, the miracle of resurrection and the hope life gives, she was consumed by her lost.

The gap between when her son, ‘The Saviour’ came back to life, was a blur. She couldn’t go about business as usual, hence she took it upon herself to anoint his body daily. 

At least she could do something with her time, she looked forward to the next day when she would anoint his body again, but it was another disappointment. He was gone again, taken away from her. Her one last shred of hope.

Nothing wrong in hanging on to hope and whatever reminds us of what we want and lost. Just like Mary we hang on, holding on to whatever may make us feel better. We live one day at a time.

Mary, was wrong he hadn’t been taken away from her again, he had come back to her, he had given her life, hope and reason to live again. Her son came back.

Our lost child may not resurrect like Jesus did, but we can have faith in the knowledge that we can start again, we have life and we can try again and dream again.

I waited for several years to fall pregnant, Only to suffer miss stages. I taught my number was up, my world caved in and my hope of being a mum was still a distant dream. 
We decided to give it another try and go for it again, and our resolve paid off, we now have 2 little girls, our tears turned to Joy, our sorrows a distant memory and the lost we suffered remembered without pain. 
My encouragement to you today.

Let the Easter story fill you with faith to believe and strength to carry on. The pain you feel from the loss you suffered will be stepping stones to a comeback.

You may have lost a child but let your hope come alive again, let it resurrect and fill you with faith to try again, to see beyond your lost. 

You too will some day experience joy and peace when your desires are reborn. I don’t know how it will be, but with God nothing shall be impossible. 

Easter gives us a hope and strength to keep trying, to trust, to have faith, and believe. 

  Happy Easter.

 

Wishes for More:


It was Easter and I had decided to spend it with a dear friend. We don’t often see each other due to the nature of our jobs. We do however find time during holidays.During one of our days out, my friend shared some good news with me. She found a job, a dream job, well almost. I finally found courage to applied for a new job she said and I got it. Wow! great news, I said.

To say her next statements was a shock to me was an understatement. She went on to say this “ but it’s not the exact position I wanted. I would have loved to get the other open position. It’s much better than this job and I think I can Do a much better job than xyz who got it, after all I am better qualified.  

Are you crazy? You have just got his amazing job and here you are comparing it to someone else’s? I couldn’t believe it. I pulled her up straightaway. 

Here I was waiting for a child and all she can talk about is the fact that some else has got a better job than hers. 
We do that sometimes, don’t we? Constantly comparing our situation to others. Wishing we had something much better than our current situation. 

She’s got a better a job than i, She’s got a better marriage, I wish our relationship was like theirs. She’s got a better car, I belt everything is going well for her, she’s got 3 well put together children, 

How about, she’s got kids and I don’t and, she’s not even a Christian. She was very promiscuous and yady yady ya 

Yet she’s married and blessed with children. 

Infertility reveals certain things about ourselves which are ugly. It was during this phase of my life I discovered some unpleasant truths about myself which I had to deal with.

Yes, we have those moments where we feel really bad and allow our mind to wander off. Nothing wrong here. It is the continued comparison and feelings of unhappiness which has the potential to really turn us into ugly and angry waiters. 
Yes, someone have it better than me, 

Yes, they only just got married

Yes, they aren’t Christian. 

Whatever it is which threatens to change you from who you were before infertility, stop and check it. Deal with your emotions

Waiting isn’t easy, to come out of this season better, here are 3 practical steps to help guard your heart 

1. Find 3 things to be thankful for daily. Research shows that finding 3 different things to be thankful for frees us from worry and forces our mind to look deep within to find what’s always being there. Making this a daily habit takes the focus off our situation and to the positives in our lives. Adopting a grateful mindset frees us from fear and worry. Cultivate this habit and soon you will see your happiness reservoir increases. 2. Do something nice daily for someone else, leave a surprise for your post man, give something nice to the guy who serves you coffee. Ask the cleaner when her/his birthday is and get her/him a nice present, volunteer at a care home, write someone a nice anonymous note. doing something for others gives a nice feeling, in that moment and for the rest of that day your focus is on someone else, taken away from your issues. 


3. Pray: prayer releases faith and replace fear. It frees us from worry and increase trust. Praying often will release you from the need to compare ourselves with others. In prayer we yield our helplessness to the all knowing and all seeing one, we place our entire trust in him because we know he has our future in his hands and will always come through for us. Comparing ourselves with others is a natural human thing to do, however it can lead to depression of we constantly see ourselves worse of in comparison with others. We all have different battles we are engaged in, it is therefore pointless to wish for some else’s life. 

Be steady in yourself, have the confidence that you can come out of this with your hearts desires, and become a better person for it. 

Feel free to share with your circle and leave us a comment or email if you found this helpful.