Purpose in Pain

Sometimes suffering takes us to a place we never expected and in the process we may find our true purpose.

Going through infertility led me where I am today, while I am still finding my purpose I can say i am on the right path.

I was touched recently on reading the stories of those whose fertility journey did not have the ending they hoped for.

Those who remained childless and gave up trying either for health reasons, age related reasons or the unbearable pain and heart ache infertility brought.

These all fought and have sadly ended their fight.

One friend I know decided to stop trying at 50, for health reasons. She had under gone lots of IVFs which left her health worse than when she began.

I first knew there was something special about her when we met.

There was always a smile behind her eyes masking years of pain. A tenderness about her that immediately puts everyone at easy, a softness in her look that speaks peace.

Her story of trying and failing ended with her having a deeper personal experience with her maker, she later got a job helping to care for sick babies. It was during a chance encounter that led her to what she called her true purpose.

Her job made her realise how deep human emotions runs and how useful she could be to humanity. She has channelled all her motherly love to tender and care for these little “Angels”.

Her job has strangely has brought peace and the hurt she felt is now replaced by sweetness and gentleness only those with a good spirit can boast of.

Her story may not have ended with a child but it continues and she found her true calling and purpose and in so doing found joy and worth.

Her pain led her here where she is today.

My encouragement-to you today is

to find your purpose in your pain. It may seem the furthest thing from your thoughts right now while facing infertility, miscarriage or loss of a child.

As you journey on, keep your eyes on the master, ask him for vision for the future and purpose in this pain.

There’s still hope, thought all may seem lost, keep your gaze on the master

His purposes will unfold in time.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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I Remember

Today I remember a time when I celebrated birthdays without a child.

When no one made a card for me with scrap papers, scribbled writings and drawings that bears no resemblance to me..

When all I had was a kind and loving husband who will give me the world just to dull the pain of childlessness.

Today, I call to mind those days and it is hard to think back.

I had to pull up pictures of my days without kids. When each birthday I said a little prayer

“Lord let this be the year”..

Today I smile because this day this very moment. I am on top of the world, I am blessed with two beautiful girls.

Today, I heard a sound in my downstairs study and went to investigate

As I opened the door, my six year old screamed

“Mummy you can’t come in”. She was serious, so I retreated.

I knew what she was doing, I caught a glimpse of her making a birthday card for me.

A few minutes later big sister joined her and she called out “mummy whatever you do, DO NOT COME INTO THE STUDY”!

Ok I replied.

I observed as they tiptoed around the house to get items for their cards.

It warmed my heart.

My two little blessings with love in their heart making a birthday card for me.

There is no greater joy.

So today I celebrate with a heart filled with joy and gratitude for this wonderful blessing.

Today I pray for you, that you will come to know the joy of motherhood, that soon the ache you feel will be replaced by pangs of labour.

Your tears will be of joy and unspeakable blessings on beholding your child.

So do not give up.

Do not despair

Do not fear.

This is a journey that will end with rainbows in the skies.

Look up child, soon your blessings will make this wait worth it.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Post to Note

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/30/i-see-you/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/02/24/strengthened-not-faulty/

Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

Mother’s Day and infertility

Celebration of mother is approaching in the UK. On the 31 March we will celebrate and acknowledge mothers

The airwaves, Churches, schools will put up a show to celebrate mothers. It is fitting to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone who’s trying to conceive.

As you watch others being celebrated a part of you always wonders when you too will be celebrated.

Celebrating mother’s on this day doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing.

If anything this celebration makes me focus even more on my demise. However dark and grim the situation may seem. Let me encourage you to focus on this one truth. This too will pass.

How and when I do not know. Let your trust be fully placed on the master.

Be reminded of this.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Though the fig tree do not blossom,

    nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

    and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

    and there be no herd in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

God, the Lord, is my strength;

    he makes my feet like hinds’ feet,

    he makes me tread upon my high places.

Re phrased it becomes

Thought my body will not respond to treatments and my monthly flow remains uncertain

Thought my womb refuse to yield and bear children as I get on in age.

My eyes will remain fixed on the Lord who is my strength. He alone will carry me and bring me into His perfect plan for me.

Sometimes we go through seasons of hardship, loss and deep pain. But no matter what we’ve lost, or wanted but never had, we can like Habakkuk rejoice in our relationship with a loving God.

Even when it feels like we have nothing else, He will never fail or abandon us.

He is the One who “provides for those who grieve His is our ultimate reason for joy (Isaiah 61:3).

Don’t endure Mother’s Day, celebrate it by fixing your eyes on him who loves you beyond reason.

Celebrate the unique experience of waiting and the worthiness of what he is fashioning within you.

Celebrate the person your are becoming as a result of the experiences you are face with

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/03/25/celebrating-mothers-day/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/11/how-to-handle-the-pressures-of-mothers-day/

Strengthened, not Faulty.

I remember those dark days (as I call them) of trying, when I blamed infertility as my fault. I remember thinking with the advancement in technology, how come they could not find anything wrong with me?

Something must be wrong with that?

As a coping mechanism I refused to make an emotional investment in my monthly flow for fear of being disappointed and that alone led to more heartache.

I couldn’t hope,

I could dream

I couldn’t believe.

I existed and that was it.

I did not feel useless but felt helpless in that department.

So when I recently read that women are blaming themselves for the inability to be pregnant, I imagined my time on this road.

But let me encourage you, you are not to blame.

Our minds play trick on us all the time and more so when we are at our most vulnerable

I think that it’s is a maternal feeling, albeit an irrational one.

After my second miscarriage I did a soul searching and this scripture something dropped in my spirit

Isaiah 41:10

I will give you strength to go through, I will hold you with my righteous right hand. I was struck by this verse and meditated on it for a very long time.

Strength was was I needed, strength to go through.

Strength for the journey, strength for each treatment cycle.

Strength when another flow occurs.

Strength to deal with other people’s opinion.

Strength to make the right decision.

This scripture reminded  I have a heavenly my father telling me

He will give me strength.

I felt a release in my soul and I lean on him right there and then.

I took on His strength and that made all the difference.

From that day onward I came out strong. I decide to stop blaming myself, My miscarriage is not my fault. None of it was my fault.

I comforted myself knowing I was under the  fathers care and His strength and grace was sufficient for me.

The dark days  of infertility were real but so was the strength of God when I decided to cling to him.

My encouragement for you today is to lay hold

On His strength and grab hold of His hand. He is with you on this journey. Exchange your weakness for His strength

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related links

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/11/22/joy-after-%f0%9d%97%a3%f0%9d%97%ae%f0%9d%97%b6%f0%9d%97%bb/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/06/fearful-wait/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

Don’t Stop Dreaming In 2019.

It’s the end of 2018.
I am thankful for so many things but most of all for still being alive and well.
It has not been the most successful year in terms of my list of intentions, but it hasn’t been all that bad.

I most thankful that my family and I enjoyed relatively good health, we had food whenever we wanted, more than enough clothes, means to afford some overseas breaks. Our bills were paid and on time, no major incident.

Our unachieved dreams stands insignificant compared to the blessings we experienced.

I am blessed beyond measure. Beyond my wildest dreams.
Yes some dreams remains unfulfilled,
Some goals still unmet.
I guess I am here to try again.

So if like me you still have some unachieved goals, unfulfilled dreams, do not beat yourself up.
You have been given 2019, to try again.

Make every moment of every day count.

If your baby hopes remain unachieved, try again. Yes, you will be another year older, but see it as another year given to hope again, to believe in the power of your dreams.

Look how far you have come, you cannot stop now.

Muster all the courage in you and hold onW. Perhaps this may just be the year of birthing all that lies within you.

Happy New Year.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


links worthy of reading:

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/31/our-hope-for-the-new-year/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/06/fearful-wait/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/11/16/dont-quit/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/06/13/dont-tire-keep-trying/

Pregnancy Over 35!

Today we learnt, our very own duchess Megan is pregnant at age 37. The little darling is expected in spring of 2019.

How amazing. She was beaming from ear to ear as she touched down in Australia earlier today.

Why this post you may wonder?

Well, it is a good news story and l love sharing good news, she is 37! And often we are told how difficult it is to conceive over that age.

We are constantly told and with good reason that a woman’s fertility falls off significantly once she reaches her 35th birthday, according to Katherine O’Brien, head of policy research at the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (bpas), women should not  panic about conception after the age of 35.

According to her, there are evidence which suggests that having sex twice a week, 82 per cent of women aged 35-39 will conceive within one year of trying.

While women in their late thirties might have to try harder to conceive, they stand a high chance of falling pregnant relatively swiftly (HUFFPOST).

Of course the biological clock is real but the age with the most decline is in one’s 40s.

That is not to say women below the age bracket cannot be faced with problems.

Women of any age can be faced with infertility.

We started trying when I was 30, and I only fell pregnant after a few IVF attempts at age of 38.

The bottom line here is that a woman who leads a relatively healthy life like Magen does have a higher chance of falling pregnant.

Luck or Cause:

I use to have to deal with comments which suggests we were just unfortunate. “you are so young and can’t get pregnant”? I also thought it was my fate to suffer this disease, friends who have also suffered this disease often joked that they were unlucky.

Knowing what I know now I don’t think my particular situation was down to luck, I had an underlying disease which I believe affected my ability to fall pregnant easily.

For others they may have lived  a relatively healthy life and still for some reason unable to fall pregnant. So it could be luck for some and medical for others? I don’t know.
But generally adopting a healthy lifestyle is of great benefit to a achieving one’s  quest for parenthood.

I know Megan is lives a healthy lifestyle and maybe just maybe luck was also on her side. Regardless it’s nice not to suffer the dreaded disease.

Causes of infertility

women in their mid to late thirties conceive naturally if they are ovulating regularly and have no known cause of sub-fertility and have maintained a healthy lifestyle when there is no male factor problem. Men’s age also has an impact on their fertility.”

According to the NHS websites the known causes of infertility are

Irregular ovulation

Endometriosis

Low spent count,

Low egg quality

Age

Pelvic inflammatory disease

Polycystic ovary

Cervical mucus problem.

It advised women over 35 to consult their GP if they have not conceived after trying regularly for 12 months.


Everyone’s story is different, whether you have been trying for a few months or a few years, keep your hopes alive with the news of Megan’s pregnancy. Who knows Mother Nature may smile on you soon.

Whatever the length of time please seek medical help if you have been trying for 12 months without success.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/02/22/endometriosis-a-cause-of-infertility/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/19/infertility-a-male-and-female-issue/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/09/15/good-news-statistics/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/04/08/a-womans-dilemma-is-40-too-old/

6 Ways To Deal With Father’s Day

Father’s day is here and for the man dealing with infertility it can be pretty tough. How do you deal with the public adulation from children to their father and from mums to the father of their children?

Often men do not express their feelings, the focus of infertility is on the female.

The emotional roller coaster faced by men Is made worse at this time of the year when fathers are being appreciated.

The fact that a man does not express his feelings does not mean that they feel nothing.

The inability to father a child is very much felt by man as it is women

So how do you deal with Father’s Day as a man facing infertility?

Here are 6 ways to deal with Father’s day celebration.

1. Stay focus on what’s important: often we take our eyes off the important things in life, like good friends, partners, good health and family support. Stay focus on these instead of your inability to be a dad.

2. Appreciate the good things in your life right now. Do you have a supportive spouse this is the time to appreciate and celebrate them.

Do you have a good community of friends who understand the situation you are in. Appreciate them and show them you care for and value their support.

3. Allow yourself to be hopeful : it is very tempting to lock up your emotions and shut out every mention of the word Father’s Day. However this may be a chance for you to allow yourself to be hopeful.

You may not be a father today, and are faced with many challenges, regardless be hopeful. Be hopeful that perhaps this too will pass. And one day you too will be called father, papa or dad.

4. Reflect: If the celebration of Father’s Day is too much to handle, use this time to go away from it all and reflect. Reflect on the process and what you have become. If you have become bitter, search and see if there is a way you can become more appreciate of the live and love you have.

This is also a time to think about your partner, have you drifted apart as a result of infertility? Plan ways to rekindle the love you once felt. Also use this as an opportunity to talk about the future, dream together and plan together.

5. Pray and believe: infertility for men ca be especially difficult as men often pride themselves as giver of live. Most talk about their prowess is the bedroom. To be faced with infertility is bog knock on their ego. Still pray and believe you can father a child via legal means. Consider the possibilities and be hopeful to the point of believe.

So you may not be a father today? Tomorrow is a new day. Let yourself celebrate all that is good and true in you. Appreciate what you have and face the future with renewed strength and faith in your body.

Your partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

FaithfulWait: A Reflective Journal for Those in Waiting.

Waiting can sometimes be long or short, regardless of the length of time, and depending on what we are waiting for it can be heartbreaking and disheartening. While waiting to have a baby I journaled a lot.

I had no specific or dedicated journal to write in I just wrote on anything I can grab my hands on.

I wanted to have a journal Faithful wait where I can collate all my thoughts. I realised while waiting that there was a need for something to write down our thoughts. Hence this journal.

This journal is design to encourage those who are currently waiting for one thing or another. Waiting is difficult and can be isolating, painful and leads to discouragement.

Using quotes and scriptures, this journal relays a message of comfort, hope and active focus, whilst in the corridors of waiting.

It also has an area where you can capture your thoughts and write down daily positive affirmations for yourself.

I hope that the clear, simple, short weekly read will encourage those waiting for any issue. Order now Faithful wait

Happy Readin😘

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

To Adopt or Not.

I previously wrote about the various options towards becoming a parent. One of such option is adoption.

Adoption brings as much joy to a couple as if they had conceived the child themselves, in adoption a parent opens up their heart to receive another human. For whatever reason the child has become separated from their birth parents and need a loving home to be nurtured.

In Adoption, a child is conceived in the hearts, not the womb.

I personally think that adoption is the most loving, selfless and beautiful act anyone can perform.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph “the father” of Jesus. As he secretly planned to do away with Mary to avoid the shame brought about by her pregnancy.

The angel of God appeared to him and commanded him to raise Jesus as his own. He was told to adopt the son of God.

Having been told by an angel I am sure he still had some questions but he was assured by the fact that, God has a plan in his story.

As you consider your options, I pray that the Holy Spirit will reveal his plans for you and direct your steps to the best options toward fulfilling your dreams.

Some couples have disagreed on adoption as an option and this has led to the break down of their marriages.

If you are one of such people, my heart goes out to you. I pray that you will soon find someone who will share the same vision as you. If you desire to go it alone…May your strength be multiplied.

As you reflect on the Christmas story, remember Jesus was adopted by Joseph.

Whatever option you take towards becoming a parent may it bring you be peace and joy.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

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Fearful Wait.

Do I dare to hope?

Do I dare believe?

Do I dare trust that it will all work out?

Do I dare take a peek at the future?

Do I dare dream that this will be a reality?

The story of the waiting soul goes through endless questions which may seem stupid?

Hope, faith and trusts don’t come easily to the soul that’s weary from waiting.

The roller coaster of emotions we feel is as a result of the uncertain brought on my our demise.

I remember how I felt after being told “my condition was unexplained”. I couldn’t get the thought that medicine had no explanation for my ailment. I was deeply troubled. How can I embark on a treatment without knowing the cause?

I had questions without answer. I feared that I was going to face life without kids. Every appointment was fear filled, every test result waited upon with apprehension,

Fear and uncertainty are constant companion to those waiting.

Mary the mother of Jesus was afraid at the news that she was to become an unwed mother to the promised Messiah.

So many thought ran through her mind.

Fear Not”, said the angel.

She was reassured it would be alright and she held on to that word.

Fear not fellow travellers, when the road seem endless and you become weary from waiting.

Release your fears to the messiah and he will soothe them away.

Trust the path he has chosen for you and walk in faith.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi