To freeze or not.

This is still the question asked by many women. weather or not to freeze their eggs.

As the awareness around infertility increases I believe there should be deliberate effort to make women aware of how fertility works. From an early age, women should be informed of the decline in their fertility so that they can start to plan for pregnancy, if they so chooses.

Knowing this, the best time to conceive is in the 20s and 30s. However, if this is not possible due to education, career opportunities, ill health, financial constraints, etc., egg freezing should be considered.

Egg reserved are finite, with this information women should should start to plan pregnancy before they turn 35, because according to scientific research, news eggs stop growing at that age. Fertility drops around age 37 and shaply at age 40. At 40 years of age, the chances of natural conception remain only five to 10 percent.

Women can decide they will freeze their eggs, get married early or delay pregnancy but still freeze their eggs. Having this knowledge empowers a woman in their choices

Since women’s fertility is finite, they don’t have the cells which will produce new eggs in the ovaries and the number of existing eggs is reserved. But, there are options to overcome this biological clock barrier.

Egg freezing is an option for women of childbearing age . Given the times we are living in now when more women are achieving their academic and financial potential, I think women should also achieve their dreams Of being a mum and one way to achieve this, is to freeze their eggs while young.

Women can conceive after menopause if they have chosen to freeze their eggs/embryos in their younger years.

I have seen too many friends who were not aware of this option now childless. Some have partners and would have gladly used A frozen egg. Others have no partners but would have settled for a child of their own using their own frozen eggs.

Another options is to use donor eggs, if you have not previously frozen your eggs

This will be done via IVF. The success of IVF also depends on the age and egg reserve of women. Doctors recommend the use of eggs when women are at their optimum age of reproduction and have plenty of egg reserve.

Platelets rich plasmas is injected into the ovaries

This is why egg freezing is important as it ensures that the best quality eggs are frozen and use when needed. Similarly a donor eggs are collected from younger healthy women and used by menopausal women.

If you are a young woman speak with your doctor regarding your options and what is involved in egg freezing process.

To be continued.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

The Egg Freezing process

It Only Takes One Egg

fertility Awareness

IVF:Stages to egg implantation

Extracts from Glamour: Amirah Vann her journey to motherhood

Welcomed her baby girl, congratulations to her family.

I was so inspired by the article she wrote in Glamour I decided to share it here.

Many of us expect to recognize the “perfect time” to have a baby. The reality is that timing may never come. But in this life-altering year, how does one even consider bringing in a new life?

My fiancé Pat and I planned it, using ovulation test strips to know when would be the optimal time. But when it came down to taking the pregnancy test, I was uneasy. I told Pat, “I don’t think you left the stick in the urine long enough.” Then he showed me the result. 

But in that moment of unspeakable joy, I realized there is no perfect time, no foolproof season. In a year marked by fear, I remained grounded in the notion that our foremothers had children, intentionally or not, under far worse conditions than those we face today. It doesn’t matter whether you are 40 or 20—the world doesn’t adjust to your life; the career doesn’t stop for you. You have to decide this is what you want.

Read the rest here. Baby

No matter your situation and your story, there is always a possibility you are next in Line.

Parenthood is many thing but one thing is certain, there is always joy in the mist of pain. Ensure the pain and joy will flow in the end.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

How to Cope With the Stress of Infertility

How to cope with the stress of infertility

One of the worse things a couple can learn is that they are unable to have children. This very discovery can either make or break a relationship.

Having spoken with so many couples about their experiences I have discovered that everyone is affected in a different way, but one common factor is stress.

This post brings you ways of coping with the stress brought on by infertility.

The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is real to the infertile couple, this feeling if left unchecked can wreak more havoc.

The commonest forms of stress are depression, feelings of anxiety, and mental health problems.

Here are 5 ways you can adopt to deal with stress

1. Identify your feelings: Sometimes it is very difficult to know which feelings you are exhibiting so it is important to identify your feelings. It might hep to Talk to a professional to help you get in touch with your feelings. Identifying how you feel is the first step in dealing with other emotions like anger, guilt, fear, jealousy and shame.

2. Seek Help for your situations : there are a lot of resources on fertility options. (see sources below) rather than waste precious energy on negative emotions, busy yourself by seeking help. Find out all you need to know about your issues. Your doctor should be your first point of call as they will kick start the treatment process.

3. Consider the options available to you. Your research should include cost, the type of treatment available IVF, IUI, Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, other alternatives such as adoption, fostering, surrogacy should be considered also. Advancement in medicine has made possible the impossible.

4. Have a support net work. It is much easier to cope with a stressful situation by talking to someone than by coping alone. Your support net work can be a close friend, who will not be judgemental or a family member like a mum or sister. It can consist of a group or an individual. Be sure they they are people you can count on to be discreet and to always be supportive. There are lots of support groups on social media You can join but only share if you comfortable doing so.

5. Take on a hobby: Find something to do to take your mind off the situation. It can be a passion you had packed away, hiking, fund raising for a good cause, cooking or writing poetry etc. The very act of being engaged in something rewarding frees your mind from the stress of infertility.

Finally always look on the bright side. No matter how worse or bad a situation feels believe it can get better.

So I encourage you to hope for the best.

Believe the best

and expect the best to happen.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Advent.

Every year we enter this season but do you know what advent means?

During advent,  we reflect on the events leading up to the birth of Jesus. 

2020 is a year like no other, we all were affected by the pandemic in  different ways.

For those in waiting advent is the perfect time to reflect on all our needs, hopes and desires. 

More than wishing to be with families and friends we long for the fulfillment of our dream to hold our precious child: 

As we enter into a season of advent ponder on this verse in Isaiah 9:1.

If your heart is heavy think on these Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress.

Do you feel like you are walking in the dark with no light in sight?

be encouraged for “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light”;

Do you feel like there is no reason to be joyful? 

rejoice because He the Lord have enlarged the nation and increased their joy”;

So on this advent, flip on the switch of hope and hold onto the promise that the  messiah’s birth brings. His birth. advent reminds of of the hope his birth brings, His promises are sure, you can hold on to them. 

Your Partner in Hope 

Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

Related post.

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/01/the-christmas-promised/

https://faithfulwait.com/2020/05/31/we-are-faced-with-one-of-the-worse-pandemic-in-modern-time-with-this-comes-the-uncertainty-faced-by-millions-of-couples-waiting-for-their-own-families-the-resilience-of-humans-to-cope-and-weather-t/

Sharing: Dealing with Miscarriage

The loss of a child is indescribable.

Chrissy and John Lenon lost their baby boy half way through their pregnancy and she’s shared her pain with millions of her followers. This has shed more light on the issue.

Miscarriage happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies, with lost occurring before 12 weeks. There are 250,000 miscarriages every year in the U.K.

She has been praised by charities for sharing her pain and heartbreak, even though she’s has been criticised for sharing so publicity. I think she’s brave and courageous, and I applaud her for her strength. 

The pain of miscarriage is so heavy and No one should suffer alone, posting about her loss gave courage to millions of women who also posted comments about their loss and how her openness helps them relate and deal with their pain. 

Her pain reminded me of the 2 miscarriages i suffered after 2 failed IVFs. I was numb for a few days each time as I bled out my babies. And the very thought of knowing it can happen again left me scared.

Miscarriage leaves a hole, a fear, an uncertain feeling deep down in ones guts.. 

Even after having two beautiful daughters, news like Chrissy’s always reminds me of those dark days. 

Although i no longer grieve, I do remember.  

Have you suffered loss, do not keep quiet, share your pain if you so choose, email us, leave a comment and we will lend a listening ear. We will cry with you and sit still with you. Grieve, don’t bottle it up.

Grieving is a natural way of reacting to devastating news.

Like a butterfly you flutter in my womb
like a womb you wriggle and turn.
I came to know you and love you so deeply
I saw our future as one big loop of love
your little feet truffled around 
your little face as it filled up with a smile
i saw your face before you saw mine will lill hold that still still we meet again. 

Holding out Hope to John and Chrissy and the milking who are grieving right now. 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

2020: The Year Where the impossible, becomes Possible.

As the 2019 draws to a close, I want to remind us of some impossible feats which became possible.

Humans have achieved so many remarkable things and are still capable of achieving more.

So here we are, the end of 2019.

You may be left disappointed because your hopes and dreams are still what they are hopes and dreams. And may even feel further from the goals you set as even more odds are stacked against you.

What’s the point? you ask yourself.

Well a reminder of great feats accomplished by fellow humans, may encourage you to keep the fire of your dreams and hopes burning to continue to stir the oar and to stay the course.

The four minute mile:

In 1954 at the age of 25, Roger Bannister became the first runner to break the 4 minute mile mark.It was a feat thought impossible at that time. He ran 4 miles for the first time in 1954 with his time at 3:59:4.

This single feat unlocked the possibilities of what men and women went on to achieve in track and field events. what was once deemed impossible has since become the standard for middle distance runners.

Moon landing:

The first moon landing was on 13th September 2013 by the Soviet Union’s Luna.

However on 20th July1969, the United States became the first country to send a manned mission to the moon. Again this was another accomplishment on the feathers of history. And several manned missions have since been embarked upon.

The longest Ice bath.

Wim Hof, holds the world record for the longest Ice Bath. He sat for 1 hour 12 mins in a bath of ice without His core body temperature failing. This was considered medically impossible, yet he proved it can be done.

Consecutive Marathons

In 2013, the Guinness Book of record,recorded that three hundred and sixty six full consecutive marathons was run by Jeannette and Alan Murray-Wakelin. No one has ever attempted this consecutively.

Electronic devices:

The world of technology has come a long way. You only have to look around you to know that humans have accomplished so much in the last century, a feat thought impossible, were imagined and today we have various means of communication.

Our telephones, our TV screens, smart home appliances, have changed the way we do things. The world has become smaller and impossible dreams have become possible.

The first flight.

The Wright Brothers made History when they became the first to achieve a short flight in 1903. This revolutionized the air travel and is regarded as one of the great technical achievements of all times

The development of Vaccines:

For a long time (centuries) life expectancy was low. Then came the great medical advances in the 19th and 20th centuries. As a result, many in the developing world have much longer life expectancy.

The first vaccines to be developed was by Edward Jenner. He developed the smallpox vaccine. And Louis Pasteur developed the Rabies vaccines

The development of vaccines have led to the decline and in some cases eradication of some deadly diseases

Climbing Mount Everest

On May 29th Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tensing Norgay climbed Mount Everest the highest peak in the Himalayas. This paved the way for so many others to attempt other daring adventures.

The first test tube baby.

On the 10/11/1977 IVF was born in the person of Louise Brown. She was born at Oldham and District Hospital in Greater Manchester weighing 5lb 12oz.

Since then, millions of babies worldwide have been born via IVF bringing joy to couples the world over and making their dreams come true.

Earlier today, while still lying in bed, I received a text message about a family member who had her first child,a beautiful baby girl at 52 years of age.

She had two blocked tubes and for years thought it was impossible to have a child, age was of course a factor, but thanks to IVF she is now the mother.

As you scroll down this list of achievements, be encouraged, let hope rise within you.

Doubt if you may, but never ever give up your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent.

Let 2020 be the year you rekindle your zeal and trust in God. If you have stopped trying for lack of funds find out if help is available where you leave .

Whatever you do.. trust, belief, and hope for hope is the confident expectation that something good will happen.

I pray it happens this year for you.

Happy New Year.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Relevant liRead More »

Purpose in Pain

Sometimes suffering takes us to a place we never expected and in the process we may find our true purpose.

Going through infertility led me where I am today, while I am still finding my purpose I can say i am on the right path.

I was touched recently on reading the stories of those whose fertility journey did not have the ending they hoped for.

Those who remained childless and gave up trying either for health reasons, age related reasons or the unbearable pain and heart ache infertility brought.

These all fought and have sadly ended their fight.

One friend I know decided to stop trying at 50, for health reasons. She had under gone lots of IVFs which left her health worse than when she began.

I first knew there was something special about her when we met.

There was always a smile behind her eyes masking years of pain. A tenderness about her that immediately puts everyone at easy, a softness in her look that speaks peace.

Her story of trying and failing ended with her having a deeper personal experience with her maker, she later got a job helping to care for sick babies. It was during a chance encounter that led her to what she called her true purpose.

Her job made her realise how deep human emotions runs and how useful she could be to humanity. She has channelled all her motherly love to tender and care for these little “Angels”.

Her job has strangely has brought peace and the hurt she felt is now replaced by sweetness and gentleness only those with a good spirit can boast of.

Her story may not have ended with a child but it continues and she found her true calling and purpose and in so doing found joy and worth.

Her pain led her here where she is today.

My encouragement-to you today is

to find your purpose in your pain. It may seem the furthest thing from your thoughts right now while facing infertility, miscarriage or loss of a child.

As you journey on, keep your eyes on the master, ask him for vision for the future and purpose in this pain.

There’s still hope, thought all may seem lost, keep your gaze on the master

His purposes will unfold in time.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

I Remember

Today I remember a time when I celebrated birthdays without a child.

When no one made a card for me with scrap papers, scribbled writings and drawings that bears no resemblance to me..

When all I had was a kind and loving husband who will give me the world just to dull the pain of childlessness.

Today, I call to mind those days and it is hard to think back.

I had to pull up pictures of my days without kids. When each birthday I said a little prayer

“Lord let this be the year”..

Today I smile because this day this very moment. I am on top of the world, I am blessed with two beautiful girls.

Today, I heard a sound in my downstairs study and went to investigate

As I opened the door, my six year old screamed

“Mummy you can’t come in”. She was serious, so I retreated.

I knew what she was doing, I caught a glimpse of her making a birthday card for me.

A few minutes later big sister joined her and she called out “mummy whatever you do, DO NOT COME INTO THE STUDY”!

Ok I replied.

I observed as they tiptoed around the house to get items for their cards.

It warmed my heart.

My two little blessings with love in their heart making a birthday card for me.

There is no greater joy.

So today I celebrate with a heart filled with joy and gratitude for this wonderful blessing.

Today I pray for you, that you will come to know the joy of motherhood, that soon the ache you feel will be replaced by pangs of labour.

Your tears will be of joy and unspeakable blessings on beholding your child.

So do not give up.

Do not despair

Do not fear.

This is a journey that will end with rainbows in the skies.

Look up child, soon your blessings will make this wait worth it.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Post to Note

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/30/i-see-you/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/02/24/strengthened-not-faulty/

Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

Mother’s Day and infertility

Celebration of mother is approaching in the UK. On the 31 March we will celebrate and acknowledge mothers

The airwaves, Churches, schools will put up a show to celebrate mothers. It is fitting to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone who’s trying to conceive.

As you watch others being celebrated a part of you always wonders when you too will be celebrated.

Celebrating mother’s on this day doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing.

If anything this celebration makes me focus even more on my demise. However dark and grim the situation may seem. Let me encourage you to focus on this one truth. This too will pass.

How and when I do not know. Let your trust be fully placed on the master.

Be reminded of this.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Though the fig tree do not blossom,

    nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

    and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

    and there be no herd in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

God, the Lord, is my strength;

    he makes my feet like hinds’ feet,

    he makes me tread upon my high places.

Re phrased it becomes

Thought my body will not respond to treatments and my monthly flow remains uncertain

Thought my womb refuse to yield and bear children as I get on in age.

My eyes will remain fixed on the Lord who is my strength. He alone will carry me and bring me into His perfect plan for me.

Sometimes we go through seasons of hardship, loss and deep pain. But no matter what we’ve lost, or wanted but never had, we can like Habakkuk rejoice in our relationship with a loving God.

Even when it feels like we have nothing else, He will never fail or abandon us.

He is the One who “provides for those who grieve His is our ultimate reason for joy (Isaiah 61:3).

Don’t endure Mother’s Day, celebrate it by fixing your eyes on him who loves you beyond reason.

Celebrate the unique experience of waiting and the worthiness of what he is fashioning within you.

Celebrate the person your are becoming as a result of the experiences you are face with

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/03/25/celebrating-mothers-day/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/11/how-to-handle-the-pressures-of-mothers-day/