Years later, having been declared in remission and taken off all medications
I could not fall pregnant…
At the time there was no silver lining in my cloud. The future without kids looked bleak.
I did not hope. I was void of all emotions, how can I trust God, where is the faith to believe and keep trying?
Immediately after disappointment, we usually feel negative emotions. Like
Anger, fear and lack of faith. Uncertainty about the future tears are also constant during such time.
It may take a few good months, weeks or months for us to come to terms with our predicaments but that’s when healing truly begins.
Healing did begin for me. I dreamt again
Believe again and hope again.
Now I rejoice in having my precious kids,
Despite the diagnosis
I hoped against hope.
So I encourage you today to stand firm, and sure.
Glimpse your set time ahead.
Though faith may weaver a your heart quavers from fear
Lift your gaze higher to the promise that will one day be real
Grasp firmly to your desires
For in hoping against hope,
Will you triumph over all.
Your partner in hope
‘Take it easy’
‘Try again’. Was the general comments I got.
I am a healthy eater and love most things healthy. I can say I am one of those who eat at least 5 or more portions of fruits and veg Daily. So it upset me to be told to eat healthy. I just want to “scream” You don’t know me.
Having tried and Failed to get pregnant, I decided to dig deeper into “the world of the unexplained”.
My instincts tells me the reason I was unable to conceive was due to my pre existing health condition which no one took into account.
Prior to getting married I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, Rheumatoid arthritis and I was put was on hydroxychloroquine. I was put on a course of treatment and was advised not to start a family due to the effect it will have on the unborn baby.
After a year and half on this drug I was given the all clear that the disease was under control and came off. Shortly after we began trying for a baby.
My research into the link between autoimmune deficiencies and infertility started after my failed IVF.
What I did:
Mr google came to my aid. I googled the two words, and several research papers on the topic showed up on the search results. What I discover gave me hope, as my suspicion was confirmed that not only was I wrongly diagnosed as unexplained, I may have found the right place to go for treatment.
After the two failed IVF cycle on the NHS, We decided to go private. We decided on a clinic with the highest success rates for people with pre existing health conditions like mine, for over 35 like me, one which offered Tailor made treatment for every patient.
Just when we though I can’t get pregnant naturally, I fell pregnant twice but sadly lost both pregnancies. The pain of misscarriage. It took us two years before embarking on another course of IVF.
My advice to you today if you have tied and failed to get pregnant naturally or by other methods is to NEVER Give UP: do everything within your power to get your desires and only after you have exhausted all options should that be an Option.
The journey to holding our first baby was turbulence, graced with doubts and questions but we stayed the course.
In order to survive treatment. I made a decision to be of a sound mind and be prepared whatever the outcome.
These 10 steps helped me survive the treatment process and kept my spirts up.
I decided to stopped focusing on the outcome and the “what ifs”. I used to focus on the negative to the point of exhaustion. I couldn’t see any positives from the process. Do not be excessively focus on the outcome. You have been on this journey long enough so stay strong. Our destination may be within reach or may still be far off. Regardless, decide how you want to ride the journey. In misery, distress, hopelessness or with faith, hope and belief in the process. If you did not think it will work, why begin at all. Be full of assurance, riding on the wings of hope.
- Whenever your monthly period show up, don’t retreat into pity or why me mode, go out and see a funny motive to lift up your spirit.
- Be positively expectant of something good happening . You may currently be undergoing treatment or beginning the journey of trying or may have tried and failed. Whatever your reality maybe, enjoy the journey, by surrounding yourself with positive things. Get up each day and look forward to the possibility of what might be.
find someone who has a more severe illness than yours, be an encouragement to them. Start a ministry of encouragement for others and comfort others with the comfort you have received.
- Go out for a drink with a friend. Focus on the beauty of life around you, the plants, the birds in the air, the air we breath in.
- Read a good book, something different from how to get pregnant.
Speak positively to yourself. Tell yourself nothing is wrong with you or your partner. Even if something is wrong, be hopeful that you are on your way to receiving help and in time everything will be alright. Sing and dance: dancing and singing releases some feel good hormone. Your mood will be uplifted taking you away from the intensity of trying.
- Go for a walk and release all the tension within you. find a local gym where you can be part of the swimming or running club.
- Focus on yourself, your progress and how far you have come. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you use to be.
- Decide you will be stronger regardless of the outcome. This is not going to define your life or happiness, as much as we want the end results to be good, things may happen which is beyond our control
After You have done all: let go and let God, he knows what you are going through and he will bring you through. You are Built to handle adversity so face yours with faith and courage.
In today’s news was Gordon Ramsey and wife who had suffered a miscarriage at 5 months. I was particularly drawn to this story because I too suffered a few miscarriages. As I read their story something struck me, it doesn’t matter if you already have 4 lovely kids or are waiting for your first child, the pains are just as raw, cruel and real. It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or poor, miscarriage knows no class.
What it feels like:
I know first-hand what it feels like. For a couple or woman suffering from infertility, falling pregnant and having a miscarriage is the worst nightmare. when we finally fall pregnant with the baby we’ve waited for, we were in disbelief. It’s funny how we gap in disbelief when something we have been waiting for finally happened.
When I found out I was pregnant, I walked around in disbelief for days, no one knew, except my hubby. We did not jump in excitement but just went about numb, until the 6th week, when it felt like we can begin to hope.
Hope is a beautiful thing, it fills your heart with joy, and gladness. I walked around like I was carrying a secret, which I was.
Hope brings happiness and offers peace eternal. Until my story changes, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, no heartbeat. Something was wretched out of me.
How can this be happening to me? God no, how can I have waited so long for a baby only to have my hope dashed again? Is this going to be another story of infertility and loss. I can remember thinking I can suffer one, but not both.
I hoped it won’t happen again and I was wrong. I lost two babies in a row, hope gone. The worse part was I had to bleed it out, I had to have a mini labour. It was not a pleasant experience as I watched my child slowing bleed away as I called it.
You too may have suffered the same fate, and feel at your wits end, perhaps you are well in age and wondering if you will ever fall pregnant again, or you maybe young and feel the uncertainty of the future, as you feel helpless, lonely and hopeless.
Tears were my frequent companions most days as my heart became too heavy from the burden I bear. I felt as if life was having a laugh at my expense.
I wanted answers but none was fought coming:
“It happens” was the response from doctors,” just try again was what I got from friends”, it was with dread I went to my appointments. Even now the pain is still real.
I HOPED AGAIN:
But I found the strength to go on, to live again, to hope and to try again. There is an appointed time for everything under the sun, I reasoned, my season will come. My help comes from the Lord, who helped me to hoped again, dreamed again and believed again.
Although my questions remained unanswered, He became my partner in hope: I found comfort in his word:
“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Psalm 42:5
He gave me strength to wait again:” I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope. Psalm 130:5.
Waiting is always the hardest part through it all: with Infertility, we are constantly waiting, waiting for the test to show positive, waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting at for the test results, waiting more waiting: But with his strength, the wait was made easier, as I place each disappointment in his care.
My wish for you is that you will keep hope alive, no matter what, and when the wait seems endless just draw strength from his word which will infuse you with peace and the patience you need to keep try again.
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
feel free to share with your friends and please comment if you have found it useful.
Your partner in hope
It was Easter and I had decided to spend it with a dear friend. We don’t often see each other due to the nature of our jobs. We do however find time during holidays.During one of our days out, my friend shared some good news with me. She found a job, a dream job, well almost. I finally found courage to applied for a new job she said and I got it. Wow! great news, I said.
To say her next statements was a shock to me was an understatement. She went on to say this “ but it’s not the exact position I wanted. I would have loved to get the other open position. It’s much better than this job and I think I can Do a much better job than xyz who got it, after all I am better qualified.
Are you crazy? You have just got his amazing job and here you are comparing it to someone else’s? I couldn’t believe it. I pulled her up straightaway.
Here I was waiting for a child and all she can talk about is the fact that some else has got a better job than hers.
We do that sometimes, don’t we? Constantly comparing our situation to others. Wishing we had something much better than our current situation.
She’s got a better a job than i, She’s got a better marriage, I wish our relationship was like theirs. She’s got a better car, I belt everything is going well for her, she’s got 3 well put together children,
How about, she’s got kids and I don’t and, she’s not even a Christian. She was very promiscuous and yady yady ya
Yet she’s married and blessed with children.
Infertility reveals certain things about ourselves which are ugly. It was during this phase of my life I discovered some unpleasant truths about myself which I had to deal with.
Yes, we have those moments where we feel really bad and allow our mind to wander off. Nothing wrong here. It is the continued comparison and feelings of unhappiness which has the potential to really turn us into ugly and angry waiters.
Yes, someone have it better than me,
Yes, they only just got married
Yes, they aren’t Christian.
Whatever it is which threatens to change you from who you were before infertility, stop and check it. Deal with your emotions
Waiting isn’t easy, to come out of this season better, here are 3 practical steps to help guard your heart
1. Find 3 things to be thankful for daily. Research shows that finding 3 different things to be thankful for frees us from worry and forces our mind to look deep within to find what’s always being there. Making this a daily habit takes the focus off our situation and to the positives in our lives. Adopting a grateful mindset frees us from fear and worry. Cultivate this habit and soon you will see your happiness reservoir increases. 2. Do something nice daily for someone else, leave a surprise for your post man, give something nice to the guy who serves you coffee. Ask the cleaner when her/his birthday is and get her/him a nice present, volunteer at a care home, write someone a nice anonymous note. doing something for others gives a nice feeling, in that moment and for the rest of that day your focus is on someone else, taken away from your issues.
3. Pray: prayer releases faith and replace fear. It frees us from worry and increase trust. Praying often will release you from the need to compare ourselves with others. In prayer we yield our helplessness to the all knowing and all seeing one, we place our entire trust in him because we know he has our future in his hands and will always come through for us. Comparing ourselves with others is a natural human thing to do, however it can lead to depression of we constantly see ourselves worse of in comparison with others. We all have different battles we are engaged in, it is therefore pointless to wish for some else’s life.
Be steady in yourself, have the confidence that you can come out of this with your hearts desires, and become a better person for it.
Feel free to share with your circle and leave us a comment or email if you found this helpful.