I See You

I may not have you in my arms

But I carry you in my heart

With each passing day

I see the image of you

Wrapped in beautiful cloth.

A sweet smile etched on your faces

I see you walking

I see you running

I see us do all the things mother and child do

Though others may not see what I see

Of this I am sure

I see the future with you in it.

I see you grow and become a fine human

And I see the day I will look back on the past and be thankful

I waited for you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related pieces

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/10/identity/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

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Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

Mother’s Day and infertility

Celebration of mother is approaching in the UK. On the 31 March we will celebrate and acknowledge mothers

The airwaves, Churches, schools will put up a show to celebrate mothers. It is fitting to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone who’s trying to conceive.

As you watch others being celebrated a part of you always wonders when you too will be celebrated.

Celebrating mother’s on this day doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing.

If anything this celebration makes me focus even more on my demise. However dark and grim the situation may seem. Let me encourage you to focus on this one truth. This too will pass.

How and when I do not know. Let your trust be fully placed on the master.

Be reminded of this.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Though the fig tree do not blossom,

    nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

    and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

    and there be no herd in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

God, the Lord, is my strength;

    he makes my feet like hinds’ feet,

    he makes me tread upon my high places.

Re phrased it becomes

Thought my body will not respond to treatments and my monthly flow remains uncertain

Thought my womb refuse to yield and bear children as I get on in age.

My eyes will remain fixed on the Lord who is my strength. He alone will carry me and bring me into His perfect plan for me.

Sometimes we go through seasons of hardship, loss and deep pain. But no matter what we’ve lost, or wanted but never had, we can like Habakkuk rejoice in our relationship with a loving God.

Even when it feels like we have nothing else, He will never fail or abandon us.

He is the One who “provides for those who grieve His is our ultimate reason for joy (Isaiah 61:3).

Don’t endure Mother’s Day, celebrate it by fixing your eyes on him who loves you beyond reason.

Celebrate the unique experience of waiting and the worthiness of what he is fashioning within you.

Celebrate the person your are becoming as a result of the experiences you are face with

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/03/25/celebrating-mothers-day/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/11/how-to-handle-the-pressures-of-mothers-day/

Identity

Anyone who has ever suffered infertility knows too well the roller coaster of emotions they go through.

One minute you are full of hope and happy the next minute you see a pregnant woman and everything changes.

I am not certain any other illness do this to anyone, maybe it does. For me having experience infertility as well as Other illnesses. I find that I am most affected by infertility than any other illness.

Why is this so? Maybe because having a child is a build in desire. A desire to birth, to want to procreate seems to trump any other desire.

Life has season, our seasons of infertility will come and go.

Weather we will be gifted with a child in the way we desire tile will tell.

But whatever the path we take to a new season, we must keep our identity in view.

We are not define by infertility, do not make it your identity, Do not class yourself as an infertile woman/man.

You are gifted with abilities and potentials, crafted in the image of the maker of the universe.

Delicately and wonderfully  made,

Living in the abundance of His grace,

Wrapped in His beauty,

Fashioned with the best of His storehouse.

Here are ways to help you stay focus on who you are in Christ.

  1. Stay connected to God, being connected to God and the word will help you grasp who you are in Christ.The enemies of our souls knows this and wants us to only keep in focus the lies about who we are. if you believe you are worthless unable to parent a child, you will be unable to lay hold on the promises of God’s word concerning children. Staying connected to the word about who you are

  2. Speak positively about your situation, speak life to your body, claim the promises available to you as you stay connected, you will begin to have a new reality.

  3. The battle is ongoing  to remind yourself of who you are, set reminders throughout the day by immersing  your love in God’s truth. Put memory verses in your car, in your purse. Set reminders on your phone with encouraging quotes to remind you of your identity..

  4. Avoid events or issues that might draw you away from God! Draw near to Him throughout the day. By doing this you will be able to resist the temptation to give in to your emotions when those ugly thoughts about your infertility rears their head, you can chop it off with the word of God.

The battle is not over until we win. We will win because the word says so. So set your mind free from fear and live in the hope of coming into Hos promises for your life.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Encouraging post

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/11/22/joy-after-%f0%9d%97%a3%f0%9d%97%ae%f0%9d%97%b6%f0%9d%97%bb/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/04/do-you-call-it-quits/

How to come back from a Painful loss.

The previous post talks about the painful decision of trying and coping with loss.

What do you do when your world has seemingly turned upside down?

How do you recover and rebuild again? This post looks at how to come back from a loss or failed treatment cycle.

That’s the question we are faced with after a failed treatment.

Speaking from my own experience, I know that the days immediately after a failed cycle or loss are the worse.

I remember going around  like a zombie and feeling loss, helpless and alone.

I did not know what grief looks like, looking back now, I was grieving but carried on as normal. As the days went on, I slowly came round to the ideal that another treatment had failed and I had to deal with that, but how?

How?

First thing for me was crying I cried the first few days, I was so emotional I refused to eat. Not many people knew the pain I felt because they did not know I had undergone treatment.

Since I was unable to open before the treatment, I decided to spare them the details of my demise.

Crying was my outlet, but a temporary fix.

Temporary because whenever I saw a pregnant woman or baby the emotions came back anew.

I then had to think seriously about  my mental health and how to ensure my body returned to health. Crying for me was a temporary fix providing a temporary relief. Another helpful way I dealt with it was to

Speak out.

I remembered a few friends who had gone through similar situations reached out to me. I was glad they did. They were very supportive and did not attempt to reason my pain away.

One friend in particular just sat in silence with me and we said nothing, that was all I needed. No words, no reasoning.

Often people mistake our grief for an opportunity to offer advice, one has to be sensitive at such times and not assume anything in that moment.

Sometimes all we need is that silent nod which says,  “I care”, “I am here”, “I got you”.

Energy Outlet

To gain new insight into the situation, I channeled my emotions into learning how the next cycle will be better, I asked myself these questions.

“What was was done now”, what could be different“?

Firstly, I nurtured myself to health. I researched how my existing illness could be a contributing factor and the more I read, the clearer it became that it was.

I researched clinics and the type of treatment on offer. I read stories of others who had failed cycles – and how they overcame it.

As a result I gained useful information on clinics and treatments options.

Positivity.

I surrounded my myself and mind with positive vibe, I realised that this is not my fault. It is an illness which needed treatment.

By learning more about the situation and my particular illnesses I was comforted that perhaps there is a treatment option tailored for me.

I prayed

This should be number 1, but it wasn’t, it was difficult at first. But as the days went by, prayer offered a consolation which was a far better relief,

I was able to get rid of negative emotions. Which afforded me the opportunity to speak to a higher power.  

I am a Christian and I know that God helped me through this process and the dark days which accompanied it. So whenever I felt lonely or deeply sad, I talked to him.

I found hope in his assurance as well as being amongst like minded people encouraged me to keep going.

So on this national infertility week, be encouraged to look above, ask for help.

You may not apply these steps exactly, but I do hope that you have gain some perspective on how to deal with a loss or painful situation.

It is very easy to throw in the towels and give up, but never ever lose hope. The rain may be falling now, but the sun will shine again..

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related post:

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/10/23/a-painful-decision/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/08/14/speak-out/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/06/17/6-ways-to-deal-with-fathers-day/

Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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A Woman In Waiting

shread of hopeHelp Lord, I don’t know what to do. I am in a place where I desire to leave, but there appears to be no way out. I know you’ve promised a way of escape in every trial and tribulation. But the longer I go through the trial of infertility the longer it seems that there is no way out.

I still love and will always love you, but I feel like I am drained of all energy to pray and ask. I feel that asking you for the same thing over and over again, diminish what you are.

I feel fear, not fear of not having a child of my own but fear that we’ll travel this road for a long time before you’ll come through for us. Is that the case Lord? Is it wrong to want you to do it now for us, by this time next year to be holding our own child? Is it wrong to give you a time frame?

The reason I feel this way is because I am looking at time, thinking I am getting older, but I remember you are ageless and operates outside time and will bring to pass our hearts need for a child regardless of age. But Lord, I don’t want to be 40 before having a child! Can I ask that, can I ask that you do it for us now! Am I allowed to ask that? Or is that lack of faith? I don’t know Lord. You know.

I feel left behind by friends and family who get pregnant before they start trying.
I feel like a pawn in your hand which you can do as you wish, I also know that you are my father a God of love who will not forsake or leave me. I know THAT Lord.
But I also feel alone, I focus on you and your power, but I also can’t help wondering why it’s taking you this long to do it.

Another reason is what I see happening around, even young mums are tired bringing up their new born, the sleepless nights, the cries, the nappy changes etc. How much more me, but then again I remember you are our strength. You said they that wait upon shall renew their strength. I know too that you will renew our strength for parenthood. I just want to see you high and lifted up in this situation.

I felt this way yesterday and told my father how I feel.
Today he encouraged me with my “Our Daily Bread” Gal 4:4.
“When the fullness of time had come, God send his Son”.
It reminded me that God’s time is perfect, though I want to have it now, though I don’t want to be 40 and my husband 58 to have kids, one thing he assured me is that he is never a day late or early, he is always just on time.

In his perfect timing he gave us his Son, when the world desperately needed a saviour he came through for us. He is still the same God, I look up to him and my countenance was enlightened.

So whenever you feel like time is passing by, that the hand of the clock is ticking and counting down, and it seems like your egg store is rapidly diminishing, remember the one who creates time can stop time for your sake and bring your heart felt desires to pass in perfect time!

 

Feel free to leave a comment, and share on your social media site.

 

Welcome to my blog.

A faithful wait is about our walk through the path seldom taken, Infertility.

I have been there, a place where my faith was shaken, tried and tested. I walked this road and while on this journey, I learnt a few life truths which I journal.

The purpose of this blog is to  encourage couples who are currently facing infertility. Using my own story, I aim to provide useful tips on what to do and how to cope though this period.

I am a Christian and during this period of waiting, I found my sole comfort from the word of God and by taking little Steps of faith. My walk was not smooth my faith wavered, but God remained faithful.

He walked with me faithfully to bring my hearts desires to pass, my prayer is that you too will find peace, hope and joy as you faithfully wait on him.

Your partner in hope

 

Debbie