The previous post talks about the painful decision of trying and coping with loss.
What do you do when your world has seemingly turned upside down?
How do you recover and rebuild again? This post looks at how to come back from a loss or failed treatment cycle.
That’s the question we are faced with after a failed treatment.
Speaking from my own experience, I know that the days immediately after a failed cycle or loss are the worse.
I remember going around like a zombie and feeling loss, helpless and alone.
I did not know what grief looks like, looking back now, I was grieving but carried on as normal. As the days went on, I slowly came round to the ideal that another treatment had failed and I had to deal with that, but how?
First thing for me was crying I cried the first few days, I was so emotional I refused to eat. Not many people knew the pain I felt because they did not know I had undergone treatment.
Since I was unable to open before the treatment, I decided to spare them the details of my demise.
Crying was my outlet, but a temporary fix.
Temporary because whenever I saw a pregnant woman or baby the emotions came back anew.
I then had to think seriously about my mental health and how to ensure my body returned to health. Crying for me was a temporary fix providing a temporary relief. Another helpful way I dealt with it was to
I remembered a few friends who had gone through similar situations reached out to me. I was glad they did. They were very supportive and did not attempt to reason my pain away.
One friend in particular just sat in silence with me and we said nothing, that was all I needed. No words, no reasoning.
Often people mistake our grief for an opportunity to offer advice, one has to be sensitive at such times and not assume anything in that moment.
Sometimes all we need is that silent nod which says, “I care”, “I am here”, “I got you”.
To gain new insight into the situation, I channeled my emotions into learning how the next cycle will be better, I asked myself these questions.
“What was was done now”, “what could be different“?
Firstly, I nurtured myself to health. I researched how my existing illness could be a contributing factor and the more I read, the clearer it became that it was.
I researched clinics and the type of treatment on offer. I read stories of others who had failed cycles – and how they overcame it.
As a result I gained useful information on clinics and treatments options.
I surrounded my myself and mind with positive vibe, I realised that this is not my fault. It is an illness which needed treatment.
By learning more about the situation and my particular illnesses I was comforted that perhaps there is a treatment option tailored for me.
This should be number 1, but it wasn’t, it was difficult at first. But as the days went by, prayer offered a consolation which was a far better relief,
I was able to get rid of negative emotions. Which afforded me the opportunity to speak to a higher power.
I am a Christian and I know that God helped me through this process and the dark days which accompanied it. So whenever I felt lonely or deeply sad, I talked to him.
I found hope in his assurance as well as being amongst like minded people encouraged me to keep going.
So on this national infertility week, be encouraged to look above, ask for help.
You may not apply these steps exactly, but I do hope that you have gain some perspective on how to deal with a loss or painful situation.
It is very easy to throw in the towels and give up, but never ever lose hope. The rain may be falling now, but the sun will shine again..
Your partner in Hope