Sharing: Dealing with Miscarriage

The loss of a child is indescribable.

Chrissy and John Lenon lost their baby boy half way through their pregnancy and she’s shared her pain with millions of her followers. This has shed more light on the issue.

Miscarriage happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies, with lost occurring before 12 weeks. There are 250,000 miscarriages every year in the U.K.

She has been praised by charities for sharing her pain and heartbreak, even though she’s has been criticised for sharing so publicity. I think she’s brave and courageous, and I applaud her for her strength. 

The pain of miscarriage is so heavy and No one should suffer alone, posting about her loss gave courage to millions of women who also posted comments about their loss and how her openness helps them relate and deal with their pain. 

Her pain reminded me of the 2 miscarriages i suffered after 2 failed IVFs. I was numb for a few days each time as I bled out my babies. And the very thought of knowing it can happen again left me scared.

Miscarriage leaves a hole, a fear, an uncertain feeling deep down in ones guts.. 

Even after having two beautiful daughters, news like Chrissy’s always reminds me of those dark days. 

Although i no longer grieve, I do remember.  

Have you suffered loss, do not keep quiet, share your pain if you so choose, email us, leave a comment and we will lend a listening ear. We will cry with you and sit still with you. Grieve, don’t bottle it up.

Grieving is a natural way of reacting to devastating news.

Like a butterfly you flutter in my womb
like a womb you wriggle and turn.
I came to know you and love you so deeply
I saw our future as one big loop of love
your little feet truffled around 
your little face as it filled up with a smile
i saw your face before you saw mine will lill hold that still still we meet again. 

Holding out Hope to John and Chrissy and the milking who are grieving right now. 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Signs Of Infertility

We have been writing about surrogacy and the reason to embark on a surrogate journey, on this page for a while:

This led me to think about signs of infertility. The more I speak with friends and those who have tried for a while the more  obvious it  becomes  that some couples delay in seeking help. 

So this post focuses on signs of infertility and when to seek help. 

See similar post herehttps://faithfulwait.com/2016/06/08/infertility-when-to-seek-help/

Infertility affects both male and female. In previous post we discussed that a third of infertility issues comes from women, the other third from men or combination of both, other factors related to unknown causes.

Below is a list of signs of infertility for women

  1. Painful sex
  2. Heavy; long or paid periods: could be a sign of endometriosis, this is a condition where tissues found in the womb are present elsewhere in the body.
  3. Irregular menstrual cycle.
  4. Hormone changes: a test by your doctor can detect changes in hormones: hormone change can lead to weight gain, facial hair in female, loss of sex drive, acne.
  5. Underlying medical conditions: such as damage to Fallopian tubes, PCOS, cancer. Rheumatoid Arthritis ( which is a condition I was diagnosed of).
  6. Obesity:

infertility in men:

 Signs of infertility in men can include 

  1. Hormone imbalance: The key hormone for male is Testosterone where problem with the testes can cause infertility. The males testes have two hormones  which make sperm, the luteinizing hormones and the stimulating hormones.  These hormones are produced by pituitary glands so any problems with this gland Amy also led to infertility in men.
  2. Erectile dysfunction: failure to have erection during sex can be as a result of stress or other psychological factors. Please seek medical intervention If this becomes a regular occurrence.
  3. Ejaculation problem: Any change or difficulty in ejeculation, can result in infertility, medical advice should be sought where this becomes a frequent occurrence 
  4. Problems with the testicle:  This may include swollen, painful, or tender testicles. If you noticed any of these or other changes in your testlces please seek help.
  5. Obesity: Obesity can affect both male and female fertility. It is important to keep your weight under check if you are trying for a baby. 

Other causes of infertility include 

  • Age
  • Excessive drinking/consumption of alcohol
  • Sexually transmitted disease
  • Smoking
  • Poor diet

When to seek help.

If you experience any of the above signs,  please consult your doctor if you are under 35 and have been trying for more than a year (6 months if you are over 35 of age).

Changes to make to boost your fertility 

Change of lifestyle may include having healthier meals

Exercise 

Decreases of total reduction of alcohol 

Keeping your weight in check.

Conclusion

It is important to observe your body for any signs of changes and consult your doctor as soo. As possible to avoid delays in getting pregnant

Your partner in Hope

References

D,Ebi

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A pandemic Problem

I cannot begin to imagine your ache. I said to my friend who was due to fly to India to start her IVF treatment when the pandemic broke. On the one hand she was glad she’s not stuck in India with no family member and unable to commence treatment.

On the other hand she’s disappointed in the uncertainty of not knowing, when it will start again.

So many stories like this abound. Stories of plans put on hold indefinitely because of a pandemic. A pandemic?

No one saw this coming,

Which makes it all the more difficult to accept.

IVF is not a decision made lightly. It is a huge investment both financially and emotionally.

Since the lockdown, my friend has been plagued with anxiety.

The uncertainty of not knowing when, the lack of control over the whole process. The anxiety of age not being on her side.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, her anxiety level slowly reduced. She busied herself with looking for alternatives to being a birth/biological mum.

She looked at alternatives like adoption and surrogacy.

Point to Note.

The very act of being engaged in something else has filled her with hope and encouragement, vision for the future and she’s able to hope and dream again.

Most days after her day job, she settles down and begin her research.

She now has so much knowledge on the topic of adoption and surrogacy, and she’s contacted a few agencies to make enquires.

Although everything is still on a pause, she’s been able to find something positive to do with her spare time.

Possibilities

I believe that “nothing is impossible to anyone who believes”.

No matter the set back, the knock backs and the upset. Believe that something good is around the corner.

Yes, your world has been upended with this pandemic. There’s still hope.

Here in England we are 2 months into the lock down with things slowly starting again.

Occupy yourself till such time as you can begin treatment again.

just as my friend did, she became open to the possibility of Adopting and surrogacy, something she’s previously refused to consider.

Another thing to note is, my friend‘s been able to really connect with her partner and together they have resolved to trust God more and be accepting of whatever end he chooses.

Something she’s previously not contemplated. She’s more at peace at the thought and is even happier for it.

She’s not given up on her dream of becoming a mum, but rather she is more trusting of God and the future he has planned for her family.

My encouragement to you too is to see the possibilities a pandemic can bring, a renewed zeal, focus, hope and faith in the process and in the father God.

I pray that soon services will resume again and treatment can commence.

Till then, hold on change is coming,

Hold on don’t worry about a thing.

Cos Gods got it under control.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related posts

2020: The Year Where the impossible, becomes Possible.

As the 2019 draws to a close, I want to remind us of some impossible feats which became possible.

Humans have achieved so many remarkable things and are still capable of achieving more.

So here we are, the end of 2019.

You may be left disappointed because your hopes and dreams are still what they are hopes and dreams. And may even feel further from the goals you set as even more odds are stacked against you.

What’s the point? you ask yourself.

Well a reminder of great feats accomplished by fellow humans, may encourage you to keep the fire of your dreams and hopes burning to continue to stir the oar and to stay the course.

The four minute mile:

In 1954 at the age of 25, Roger Bannister became the first runner to break the 4 minute mile mark.It was a feat thought impossible at that time. He ran 4 miles for the first time in 1954 with his time at 3:59:4.

This single feat unlocked the possibilities of what men and women went on to achieve in track and field events. what was once deemed impossible has since become the standard for middle distance runners.

Moon landing:

The first moon landing was on 13th September 2013 by the Soviet Union’s Luna.

However on 20th July1969, the United States became the first country to send a manned mission to the moon. Again this was another accomplishment on the feathers of history. And several manned missions have since been embarked upon.

The longest Ice bath.

Wim Hof, holds the world record for the longest Ice Bath. He sat for 1 hour 12 mins in a bath of ice without His core body temperature failing. This was considered medically impossible, yet he proved it can be done.

Consecutive Marathons

In 2013, the Guinness Book of record,recorded that three hundred and sixty six full consecutive marathons was run by Jeannette and Alan Murray-Wakelin. No one has ever attempted this consecutively.

Electronic devices:

The world of technology has come a long way. You only have to look around you to know that humans have accomplished so much in the last century, a feat thought impossible, were imagined and today we have various means of communication.

Our telephones, our TV screens, smart home appliances, have changed the way we do things. The world has become smaller and impossible dreams have become possible.

The first flight.

The Wright Brothers made History when they became the first to achieve a short flight in 1903. This revolutionized the air travel and is regarded as one of the great technical achievements of all times

The development of Vaccines:

For a long time (centuries) life expectancy was low. Then came the great medical advances in the 19th and 20th centuries. As a result, many in the developing world have much longer life expectancy.

The first vaccines to be developed was by Edward Jenner. He developed the smallpox vaccine. And Louis Pasteur developed the Rabies vaccines

The development of vaccines have led to the decline and in some cases eradication of some deadly diseases

Climbing Mount Everest

On May 29th Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tensing Norgay climbed Mount Everest the highest peak in the Himalayas. This paved the way for so many others to attempt other daring adventures.

The first test tube baby.

On the 10/11/1977 IVF was born in the person of Louise Brown. She was born at Oldham and District Hospital in Greater Manchester weighing 5lb 12oz.

Since then, millions of babies worldwide have been born via IVF bringing joy to couples the world over and making their dreams come true.

Earlier today, while still lying in bed, I received a text message about a family member who had her first child,a beautiful baby girl at 52 years of age.

She had two blocked tubes and for years thought it was impossible to have a child, age was of course a factor, but thanks to IVF she is now the mother.

As you scroll down this list of achievements, be encouraged, let hope rise within you.

Doubt if you may, but never ever give up your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent.

Let 2020 be the year you rekindle your zeal and trust in God. If you have stopped trying for lack of funds find out if help is available where you leave .

Whatever you do.. trust, belief, and hope for hope is the confident expectation that something good will happen.

I pray it happens this year for you.

Happy New Year.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Relevant liRead More »

What If

What if someone told you after being diagnosed of infertility it will take you 15 rounds of IVF, £80,000 later before you fall pregnant.

Will you continue? Will you relax knowing that success is guaranteed at the 15th attempt?

Enter Hannah Vaughan, a CCN. news anchor who after 15 IVFs is finally pregnant.

This post is to encourage anyone who feel like giving up now after several attempts. That is, If you are still trying naturally or thinking of alternatives.

I had 2 failed IVF and know how draining, traumatic and emotionally debilitating the process was.

Our 3rd and successful attempt was by far the most rigorous, stressful, and thankfully successful.

So to have gone through the grueling process 15 times not knowing what the outcome will be is nothing short of outstanding bravery, hope and tenacity in the face of adversity..

I am so happy she is finally pregnant.

One thing is certain if her treatment is anything like mine, being pregnant doesn’t mean she can finally relax and ease into pregnancy.. Nope far from that.

For me, I certainly became more anxious and paranoid. I had no moment where I eased into pregnancy.

From the moment I heard the words “pregnant”.

Then began another phase of monitoring which involved progesterone injections for 3 months, weekly blood test to monitor the levels of Pregnancy hormones and weekly scans. I lived for those weekly scans and in between paralyzed with fear at the thought that my baby migth not make it.

I am grateful my clinic had 24 hours help line which meant I could reach out to them whenever I suspected any slight change in the way I felt.

I remembered one fateful Saturday night I become paranoid because I had not felt the baby move.

I felt really well and strong and I panicked. It was exactly the way I felt when I lost my 2nd pregnancy. So you can imagine my fear..

I thought I had lost my baby..

Having lost 2 pregnancies at 12 and 14 weeks I was convinced i was having a miscarriage ..

I was so worked up I called the clinic and was asked to come in first thing on Sunday morning.

My hubby had to drive me through the center of London to my clinic. Mine the first appointment of the day.. straight away I had my bloods test and scans.

It turns out, all was well, my HCG levels had more than doubled which was a good sign. A scan further revealed a strong heart beat..

it was the day we bought a doper scanner. I was a nervous reck. You can say i bought peace of mind.

Whenever I felt no movement out came the scanner.

I used that scanner every day till I my baby came.. it gave me the peace I so needed.

I am not saying everyone’s experiences is like mine.. this was mine.. this is just to say..

An IVF pregnancy is certainly different from natural pregnancy for some people.

My wish and prayer for Hannah is that she has her happy ending cos nothing else matters when you finally hold your baby in your arms. When you hear that first cry, when you look into her/his eyes and know that you beat infertility..

The feeling is indescribable..

You may be reading this and saying it’s all right for you you have your happy ending..

Look up Friend. Don’t be threatened by the storm..

I am one for not giving up. Imagine if Hannah stopped at the 5th, 8th, 10th, or 14th try.. the story will be different.

Of course finances plays a big part in how many times one can go back.. but do not fear..

Your path towards become a parent can take many routes explore your options and see what you are happy to do.

If you also feel you have come to the end and are happy with the decision to stop trying.. be at peace with that..

My sincere wish is that those still expecting and hoping will have their own happy ending.

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Other related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/04/15/exploring-other-options-icsi/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/10/11/surrogacy/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/05/29/the-pain-of-miscarriage/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/07/17/the-uk-commissioning-groups-decides-who-gets-funding-for-ivf-there-are-some-factories-they-take-into-consideration-i-deciding-who-gets-funded-this-post-looks-the-criterial-for-funding/

I Remember

Today I remember a time when I celebrated birthdays without a child.

When no one made a card for me with scrap papers, scribbled writings and drawings that bears no resemblance to me..

When all I had was a kind and loving husband who will give me the world just to dull the pain of childlessness.

Today, I call to mind those days and it is hard to think back.

I had to pull up pictures of my days without kids. When each birthday I said a little prayer

“Lord let this be the year”..

Today I smile because this day this very moment. I am on top of the world, I am blessed with two beautiful girls.

Today, I heard a sound in my downstairs study and went to investigate

As I opened the door, my six year old screamed

“Mummy you can’t come in”. She was serious, so I retreated.

I knew what she was doing, I caught a glimpse of her making a birthday card for me.

A few minutes later big sister joined her and she called out “mummy whatever you do, DO NOT COME INTO THE STUDY”!

Ok I replied.

I observed as they tiptoed around the house to get items for their cards.

It warmed my heart.

My two little blessings with love in their heart making a birthday card for me.

There is no greater joy.

So today I celebrate with a heart filled with joy and gratitude for this wonderful blessing.

Today I pray for you, that you will come to know the joy of motherhood, that soon the ache you feel will be replaced by pangs of labour.

Your tears will be of joy and unspeakable blessings on beholding your child.

So do not give up.

Do not despair

Do not fear.

This is a journey that will end with rainbows in the skies.

Look up child, soon your blessings will make this wait worth it.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Post to Note

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/30/i-see-you/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/02/24/strengthened-not-faulty/

Don’t Stop Dreaming In 2019.

It’s the end of 2018.
I am thankful for so many things but most of all for still being alive and well.
It has not been the most successful year in terms of my list of intentions, but it hasn’t been all that bad.

I most thankful that my family and I enjoyed relatively good health, we had food whenever we wanted, more than enough clothes, means to afford some overseas breaks. Our bills were paid and on time, no major incident.

Our unachieved dreams stands insignificant compared to the blessings we experienced.

I am blessed beyond measure. Beyond my wildest dreams.
Yes some dreams remains unfulfilled,
Some goals still unmet.
I guess I am here to try again.

So if like me you still have some unachieved goals, unfulfilled dreams, do not beat yourself up.
You have been given 2019, to try again.

Make every moment of every day count.

If your baby hopes remain unachieved, try again. Yes, you will be another year older, but see it as another year given to hope again, to believe in the power of your dreams.

Look how far you have come, you cannot stop now.

Muster all the courage in you and hold onW. Perhaps this may just be the year of birthing all that lies within you.

Happy New Year.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


links worthy of reading:

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/31/our-hope-for-the-new-year/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/06/fearful-wait/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/11/16/dont-quit/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/06/13/dont-tire-keep-trying/

Presents and Kids

The months and weeks leading up to Christmas can be a difficult time for the trying couple or family.

I use to keep away from the city centres because I did not want to be greeted with all the beautifully wrapped kids presents.

I couldn’t bear to look at them. It was too painful. I had no child, but there they were, months and weeks before Christmas inviting shoppers to get something for their kids.

It is difficult not to feel a pang of pain knowing that this year you won’t be getting a present for your child.

It is particularly difficult if you have lost a child you once use to buy presents for.

As you go through this season of Christmas I want to remind you that this is a season of hope, love and peace.

Jesus was born to replace our pain with joy. Joy may not be what you are experiencing right now but He also brings hope.

During this time I was encouraged by what the bible says:

In psalms 146:5, God is my hope. He is my help enabling me face each day. He is faithful forever V6, and lifts those who are down. V8.

I certainly did not feel hopeful during those times but as I begin to acknowledge that he is my helper I began to experience relief from despair, my mood lightens and I am able to find strength to partake in the celebration of His birth

My encouragement to you today is to find your hope in God.

As the season unfolds, sometimes you may be filled with moments of joy and may experience intense pain.

remember He promises to be our light in darkness and our hope for the future.

Now I have two girls and there is no end to the presents..

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related Reading:

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/05/infertility-a-lonely-journey/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/03/comfort-joy-in-the-mist-of-infertility/

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/12/01/the-christmas-promised/

Joy After 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻

I have previous written about the struggles of Gabriella Union  (46) in my post

speak out”.

In her interview to pure woman she told a heartbreaking story of going through 7-8 miscarriage. What pain she must have gone through. .

She found out that she has adenomyosis, which is endometriosis of the uterus. It occurs when the endometrial tissue, the same tissue that lines the uterus, grows into the the muscular wall of the uterus, causing intense period pain, prolonged and heavy menstrual bleeding and, in severe cases like Union’s, infertility.

Union did not give up, and than masked the problem which she felt they were doing by advising her to go on the pills, she felt the problem where being masked.

Fast forward to November 7 she and her husband Dwayne Wade  welcomes a beautiful Miracle baby girl via surrogacy.

Her Instagram post is one of pure joy. You can tell that although the road leading to this was littered with pain and tears it was also hope and faith filled.

She did not give up, when her body said no, she sought other option, surrogacy.

A cation on one of her Instagram post was “This little dynamo reminds me to never give up on my dreams “.

I wanted to share this story with you because it is one of faith, hope, and the miracle of having a baby against all odds.

You too maybe at a point where it seems all Hope is lost, you have tried and tried but still nothing seems to be happening.

Don’t give up, try and try again.

Explore the options available to you, do hide away in grief. Speak out. And seek help..

You deserve a baby you deserve to experience the joy of that first smile and many more afterwards. .

Joy and and hope is not the presence of a few.you too can and I hope will become a mum as you with hope, faith and vigor try one more time.

If you want to know more about surrogacy please see previous post here

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

A Painful Decision

I love doing this, bringing awareness and hope to those on this journey.

This post will feature the story of a dear friend and their painful infertility journey.

Infertility is a destroyer of relationships, love and happiness.

A once happy vibrant couple can become bitter resentful and sometimes split as a result of the intensity brought on by infertility. The inability to conceive or birth a child can take away one’s hopes and dreams.

Izzy was once a vibrant, happy go lucky woman, she loves life, her job and her faith. She was 26 when she met David a simple happy guy, they were perfect for each other. After dating for one year they decided to tie the knot.

Before their wedding they made a private vow to never ever allow anything to change who they are. They love their carefree happy life and vowed to do everything to make sure it stayed that way.

They even wrote a poem to emphasis the point.

Our love will grow and may slow,

We may sail down paths unknown and encounter scenes unseen

But we will keep in view the picture of love that keeps us bound and sane.

And should we tread the path of pain

May we anchor to you our source of strength and eternal hope.

this was printed and placed in their living room. Wedding was celebrate in the simplest way possible and a year later they decided to try for baby. Little did they know fate had other plans waiting for them.

This decision changed the course of their lives and relationships. After a year of trying without success they sought help. By now Izzy was 28 and David 30.

Low sperm count how is that possible? David mused, why me, how how can it be. Several options for conception were presented to them, donor sperm, IVF, ISCI, AI.

David was not an excessive drinker, never smoked, never used drugs, he lived a healthy life. How is that possible? turns out he may have been born that way.

They decided to explore other options. They embraced all treatments option wholeheartedly, still nothing. Izzy was very supportive and finally  David agreed they should go for IVF Using a donor sperm.

THE PROCESS

The process was successful and implantation took place, then pregnancy.. they remained hopeful but were cautious, this was their first conception. Please Lord they prayed, may nothing go wrong.

But 2 month in, disaster struck, suddenly all symptoms stopped and she immediately knew something was wrong.

A scan confirmed their worst fear, no heartbeat was detected. They had suffered a miscarriage.

This loss was very difficult  particularly given their situation, needless to say they were both heart broken. David more so as he felt helpless and guilty, how is he supposed to help his wife, he is the cause yet he can’t do anything about it.

It was an intense period of grief for them. How can they come so close only to be still so far.

It was too painful and this led them to take the painful decision not to go down the IVF rout again.

Their Decision?

If it happens so be it. But they will not put themselves, their happiness, well being and relationship on the line.

This was by no means an easy decision for the couple mainly because David  has a low spent count.

Sadly I have met quite a few couples who have decided not to pursue their dream of being parents via IVF as a result of the intense pain and heartbreak suffered from miscarriage or failure.

We came close to making that choice as each miscarriage and failed IVF becomes more lingual than the last.

I found the pain of another failure more intense than the last.

THE FUTURE

Well 3 years down the line Izzy and David  have somehow rebuilt their lives again and are well on their way to the coupe they were before IVF.

How did they do it? Find our in the next article. Ways to come back from a failed treatment.

Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2016/09/22/exploring-other-options/