Speak Out

The struggles one goes through while battening infertility are numerous. I use to feel like the journey will never come to an end. I felt helpless by the lack of a diagnosis.

Amongst other issues I felt there was no one I can talk to. Everyone around me had a baby, no one struggled the same way I perceived , who will understand? I did not feel I could speak to those who walked the same road, but I was wrong.

I just needed to speak out. Find a medium and speak about it. I did do something I began to write and the moment I did, my journey of hope began. I no longer felt alone.

I found a support I never knew was there. Writing also helped me to open up and offer support to others.

When we bottle our feelings we close the doors to allowing ourselves to experience release from pain and fear. Our hopes remain bottled up.

Reading about the struggles of Gaberiella Union in her journey through infertility is encouraging.

As she said, “it’s either I am currently undergoing a cycle, coming out of a treatment or preparing for one”. Speaking out releases and helps her deal with the process.

Read the article here

https://www.purewow.com/news/gabrielle-union-fertility-struggles

She’d like to tell women going through the same thing, to overcome the fear of hiding it. “Just know if you are out there having fertility issues,” she said, “you are not alone.”

That’s my encouragement to you. You are not alone.speak out, and you will find renewed hope and support.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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A Little Town, A Great Outcome:

There were times during my wait I felt like my problems were too little to border God with.

God had more important issues to handle not to be hounded by my constant request to have a baby. I felt my needs were little compared to the millions of others suffering around the globe.

I was so consumed with my desires and my inadequacies that I gave myself a timeline to stop trying.

So you can imagine my excitement when I discovered this passage in Micah 6:3.

That great things can come out of little insignificant things.

But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, though you be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall he come forth to me.

The one to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Bethlehem was a little insignificant town, but was significant enough for the Messiah to be born there.

He who already existed from everlasting came from Bethlehem.

This was a light bulb moment for me, though my issue maybe little, God can bring a great testimony out of it.

You may be at a cross road right now wondering if it will all make sense in the end.

You may feel small, insignificant amidst the buzz around you this Yuletide.

Be assured that Your infertility story is not insignificant.

Your faith though weak and small, is not insignificant.

Your diagnoses thought unexplained, is not insignificant.

Your many miscarriages though discounted by others, isn’t insignificant.

Just as God choose Bethlehem to be the birthplace of Jesus, who is the the messiah,

So too, he will bring something great and worthwhile out of your story. The little town of Bethlehem became a significant town throughout eternity.

As you reflect today, let hope infuse you with vigor. Place your trust in God who accurately predicts the future. He has chosen you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Don’t Quit

For those waiting for anything, giving up is always an option.

The thought of quitting is ever present especially when the battle is fierce.

Why should I carry on I use to ask myself? I Have a perfectly good Ife with the best man ever. Together we can travel the world and live as “DINKs”. (Double Income No Kids).

These thoughts where constantly present especially after a hard fought battle.

I came across this poem while trying and kept it in my diary.

I was encouraged by it to stay the course and I hope it encourages you too.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When The Road you’re trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smoke but you have to sign.Trust in the Lord and don’t quit.

Life is strange with its twist and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a person turns about.

When he might have worn had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up. Though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night came down. How close he was to the golden crown.

Remember this truth when you start to doubt; Success is failure turned inside out;

Stick to the fight when you are harder hit. It’s when things seems worse that you mustn’t quit.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Past Pains. 

Today I met a beautiful friend of mine with 3 special people in tow. Over coffee we reminisce our past. The pains of waiting. 

The tears we shared over unwanted medical results and the fears we entertained on the possibility of never being a mum.

The sadness at being judged for not having kids, the trepidations we felt while waiting at the Dr’s office and the intense pain from yet another failed cycle.  

The endless questions of when will it be?

Today we drank coffee while our kids played with play doh. Together we watched them played snakes and ladders and them boss each other around.  

Today we smiled, laughed and scolded those little monkeys, but most of all today we looked back with gratitude. We counted our blessings and said a prayer for those still waiting for their miracle. 

Today was the yesterday we hoped and prayed for. 

Nothing is special about us, except we choose to hope and continue in the faces of negative results and reports.

We never gave up hope. 

When against all odds we were told our wombs cannot carry a child because it was badly scared, we hoped.

When we were told our situation was unexplained, we hoped.

When we were told no egg was viable from yet another IVF treatment we just, we hoped.

When friends after friends had babies and we go away from every christening crying, because we felt like failures, we hoped.

Today our hope is a reality. Our desires, living, talking, breathing and laughing. 

Today I encourage you to hold on, draw strength from within and keep hope alive. 

I can only ask that you look at my story and believe that perhaps your you desires too will become real. 

Don’t tire, keep trying.

This poem was written during my mid night hour. I had just finished a course of treatment and it seems like the wait will go on indefinitely with no end in sight.
Something dropped in my spirit to never tire of trying and to keep on hoping and trying.

Be encouraged by it: Don’t tire, keep trying

keep on trying:
when the test strips comes up negative
I will keep on trying

All of me yearns for a baby to have and to hold
to cherish and cuddle
to nurture and treasure
though there is delay, and it seems my wait will yield no gain

still I will keep on trying

for I have come to know, delay is not denial, and when waiting makes me weary.
My anxious fears are calmed in the distance hope which keeps me trying.

 

 

Your Partner in Hope

 

D’Ebi

 

Other Related Post:

A Woman In Waiting, Christmas and waiting::Others View Point

National Infertility Week

in the middleOn this National Infertility Week, I am flooded with memory of my time on the treadmill suffering this dreaded disease. Both good and bad memories. After all I tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child. So it is with mix feelings I pen this piece.

Infertility is a sickness, a disease which should not be allowed to fester and thrive.

Over the weekend, I met with some lovely friends,  who also suffered the same fate of waiting, miscarriages, stillbirth and finally birth. I am reminded of how fortunate we all are in fulfilling our heart desires of becoming parents. I recognised that this is still a struggle and a dream for many.

As we sat chatting in celebration over the purchase of a house by one of us, a very beautiful house in a prime suburb: listening to the sounds of the kids running around screaming, the conversation came up about what we had been through.

The story began, from one to the other. I listened as we recalled some really gruesome tales of our ordeal.

I was amazed at how we were able to recall very intimate details and exact happenings of the losses we suffered.

Between the 3 of us, 17 babies were lost either through miscarriages, still birth and death. This was no small number, this was epic and painful to talk about. As we talked, we began to salute those who helped us along the way and the courage  of those still trying.

Today I want to salute everyone who is currently going through infertility, this is dedicated to you.

This post also highlights how we coped in the midst of going through one of the most trying periods of  our lives:

As we discussed it became obvious we had

  • the support of good friends and family,
  • our spouses and
  • our faith.

A strong support network of Good Friends: We recalled those who walked the road with us, friends who though did not face the same struggles non understood our pain, were a strong support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judging us, a ready help. Those who sat with us while we waited at the hospital for another evacuation. Those who abandoned everything else at the news that we needed them. Their prayers, presence and love was strong enough to give us faith. On this national infertility week I salute you my friends.

Our spouses: while we struggled, while we waited, while pain ravages and friends leave, when faith weaver and hope hangs on a thread. Their presence, support, friendship, understanding and love was a constant.

We joked that God knew we couldn’t combine  this terrible fate in addition to having a spouse/partner who was not supportive. They listened when we made no sense. They saw us at our most vulnerable but loved us no less. It was a joint pain, it was a shared burden, we were never alone. Our spouses were a constant.

So on this national infertility week we salute our spouses, partners, those who were helpers on the journey through infertility.

Our Faith: faith was what carried us through those times when we felt like giving up, when we thought that we couldn’t carry on any longer. Faith saw us through. We had a picture of what we wanted and kept that in view. When we bled and buried our babies, faith was a strong force urging us to have another go. Faith was our anchor, our hope: faith that our bodies will do what it was meant to do, carry and birth a child.

Faith in God, in his infinite power to restore and make new again. We were not going to let anything take our faith away. We salute faith and the courage to keep trying every time we suffered a loss

You: I salute you my waiting friends, through teary eyes you look at the negative lines on the test strip and sob, but walked on with a strong resolve to keep trying. Through aching heart, you wondered when the tide will calm and the cloud lift for you to see your dreams birthed in the form of a child:

You who smiled through side comments and sarcastic remarks

You who watched helplessly as you bleed at the loss of another child

You who stood by the graveside to bury another sweet little baby

I salute your tenacity

Your hope,

Your zeal

Your resolve

Your strength

Your faith

Your courage

Here’s my encouragement to you today. Have faith in the process, though it may be tough right now, have faith in your ability, for faith never fails.

On this national infertility week I urge you to make faith your best friend. let it be your guide, your hope, your scour, your friend, your victory.

You may still be on this journey, and may just be hanging in there with the help of someone special, keep on holding on.

For some of you, your relationships may have fallen apart, friends may have left or grew weary of hearing the same story.

Let faith carry you to the finish line. Our story changed from pain and tears to, testimonies and laughter.

So I pray that you too will reminisce over the past with joy and peace.

I salute your faith, faithful friends, supportive partners/spouse, but above all, I salute you, as you faithfully wait.  

 

Your Friend and faithful Partner in Waiting

Other related post you may like: National Infertility Awareness Week., Unfair Generosity, The Pain of Miscarriage

 

D’Ebi

  

Exploring Other Options

I will never forget the day I asked myself this question. It was one of those days. I had received another good news, a friend was pregnant again!’ With her 3rd child.

On getting home, it suddenly dawned on me that I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I held my tummy in my hands and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I envisioned how I will look if pregnant.

infertile-pain
I knee in pain

 

Something was not right, I stopped, what could it be? I took another pillow and looked at my reflection again. I felt odd to be standing there, I was not excited by this look at all and quickly walked away. I chided myself for being so hopeful…  

I went to bed and laid down for a while when another picture began to develop in my mind’s eyes, the picture of a child.

I saw this child so pure and peaceful lying on his back, eyes closed with gentle breath. This picture jolted and excited me, I was so excited It was like I already had this child here with me, and I snapped out of my day dreaming and the question sprang to mind.

Which one will it be Debbie, “To be pregnant or to have a baby”?

I have never thought about them separately I have always assume one led to another, which also true in a way.

I suddenly realised that being a mother was more important to me then being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a child and all I knew was I had to be pregnant to have a one. I never explored other alternatives. This picture made me want to be a mother by whatever means, via IVF, surrogacy, adoption, whatever.

I started exploring my options after this confrontation with myself.

Let me ask you this question, have you considered your options?

Which would you like to be To be Pregnant or to be a parent?

Do you know there are so many ways your dreams of being a parent can be achieved?

See our next post on Adoption

Your partner in hope..

D’Ebi