To freeze or not.

This is still the question asked by many women. weather or not to freeze their eggs.

As the awareness around infertility increases I believe there should be deliberate effort to make women aware of how fertility works. From an early age, women should be informed of the decline in their fertility so that they can start to plan for pregnancy, if they so chooses.

Knowing this, the best time to conceive is in the 20s and 30s. However, if this is not possible due to education, career opportunities, ill health, financial constraints, etc., egg freezing should be considered.

Egg reserved are finite, with this information women should should start to plan pregnancy before they turn 35, because according to scientific research, news eggs stop growing at that age. Fertility drops around age 37 and shaply at age 40. At 40 years of age, the chances of natural conception remain only five to 10 percent.

Women can decide they will freeze their eggs, get married early or delay pregnancy but still freeze their eggs. Having this knowledge empowers a woman in their choices

Since women’s fertility is finite, they don’t have the cells which will produce new eggs in the ovaries and the number of existing eggs is reserved. But, there are options to overcome this biological clock barrier.

Egg freezing is an option for women of childbearing age . Given the times we are living in now when more women are achieving their academic and financial potential, I think women should also achieve their dreams Of being a mum and one way to achieve this, is to freeze their eggs while young.

Women can conceive after menopause if they have chosen to freeze their eggs/embryos in their younger years.

I have seen too many friends who were not aware of this option now childless. Some have partners and would have gladly used A frozen egg. Others have no partners but would have settled for a child of their own using their own frozen eggs.

Another options is to use donor eggs, if you have not previously frozen your eggs

This will be done via IVF. The success of IVF also depends on the age and egg reserve of women. Doctors recommend the use of eggs when women are at their optimum age of reproduction and have plenty of egg reserve.

Platelets rich plasmas is injected into the ovaries

This is why egg freezing is important as it ensures that the best quality eggs are frozen and use when needed. Similarly a donor eggs are collected from younger healthy women and used by menopausal women.

If you are a young woman speak with your doctor regarding your options and what is involved in egg freezing process.

To be continued.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

The Egg Freezing process

It Only Takes One Egg

fertility Awareness

IVF:Stages to egg implantation

My Wishes

Have you ever looked at someone and wish you had what they’ve got. Do you envy  them because you think everything’s going well for them and they have it all made.

Infertility has a way of making you look at those with children as having it all.

At the beginning of my trying period, I had no qualms being around pregnant women or those with kids. But as the years rolled by without any news from me it started to become painful.

I always felt that those with kids have sorted lives. They were alright, as they seem to be perfectly happy and secured. Resentment sometimes show up when spiteful remarks were made.

I remember being at a BBQ sitting next to a friend who had 2 kids when one of her mummy friends walked up. They chatted about their kids for what seems like eternity when suddenly the mum looked at me and asked, have you got kids?

To which I replied, ‘no’.

She replied: “lucky you”, you won’t understand what it means”.

“These little devils are the most difficult things”.

This was one day I was tempted to say something like.

“Lucky you, you have never tried and failed to get pregnant”.

“You have some little devils, I have none”.

“You have never suffered the loss of a pregnancy”

“You obviously took in at the first try”.

“You have a sorted life, that’s why you make such insensitive remarks.

These thoughts did go through my mind, but I held my tongue. Remarks like these can derail your peace and upset you for the rest of the day, they come and go, so do not dwell on them. I cried inside but quietly smiled and walked away.

It turned out her life was not perfect and she was going through a divorce and was solely responsible for the kids, which is a huge task.

Yes, I wanted what she has, kids, my own kid but not at the expense of my marriage. My friend later apologised for the insensitivity of her friend.

It is natural for us to want kids, why shouldn’t we? The longer it takes for us to have them, the more difficult it becomes. These delays reveal so much about ourselves to us. The absence of kids in our lives may cause us to think others have perfect lives, far from it.

You too may think life is perfect for that friend, neighbour, sister or co-worker looking at them through the eyes of your situation.

Remember, even though they may not have struggled with infertility, they may have other issues to contend with, like caring for a severely disabled child or parent, an untreatable illness, a broken relationship, depression etc.

Whenever you find yourself making comparisons between yourself and others. Stop and count the many blessings in your life which they may not have.

Everyone has something and everyone equally doesn’t have something. So you have something that someone else doesn’t have and vice versa.

My experience with Infertility taught me that to have any peace in life I have to stop comparing my blessings or trials to that of others. I encourage you to do the same, do not compare your blessings or your trials to other people’s blessings or trials.

You are unique and peculiar, this experience is shaping you to become the best you there can be.

 

 

The Pain of Misscarriage

what to do when you feel stuck (1)In today’s news was Gordon Ramsey and wife who had suffered a miscarriage at 5 months. I was particularly drawn to this story because I too suffered a few miscarriages. As I read their story something struck me, it doesn’t matter if you already have 4 lovely kids or are waiting for your first child, the pains are just as raw, cruel and real. It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or poor, miscarriage knows no class.

What it feels like:

I know first-hand what it feels like. For a couple or woman suffering from infertility, falling pregnant and having a miscarriage is the worst nightmare. when we finally fall pregnant with the baby we’ve waited for, we were in disbelief. It’s funny how we gap in disbelief when something we have been waiting for finally happened.

When I found out I was pregnant, I walked around in disbelief for days, no one knew, except my hubby. We did not jump in excitement but just went about numb, until the 6th week, when it felt like we can begin to hope.

HOPE DASHED

Hope is a beautiful thing, it fills your heart with joy, and gladness. I walked around like I was carrying a secret, which I was.

Hope brings happiness and offers peace eternal. Until my story changes, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, no heartbeat. Something was wretched out of me.

How can this be happening to me? God no, how can I have waited so long for a baby only to have my hope dashed again? Is this going to be another story of infertility and loss. I can remember thinking I can suffer one, but not both.

I hoped it won’t happen again and I was wrong. I lost two babies in a row, hope gone. The worse part was I had to bleed it out, I had to have a mini labour. It was not a pleasant experience as I watched my child slowing bleed away as I called it.

YOUR REALITY

You too may have suffered the same fate, and feel at your wits end, perhaps you are well in age and wondering if you will ever fall pregnant again, or you maybe young and feel the uncertainty of the future, as you feel helpless, lonely and hopeless.

Tears were my frequent companions most days as my heart became too heavy from the burden I bear. I felt as if life was having a laugh at my expense.

I wanted answers but none was fought coming:

It happens” was the response from doctors,” just try again was what I got from friends”, it was with dread I went to my appointments. Even now the pain is still real.

I HOPED AGAIN:

But I found the strength to go on, to live again, to hope and to try again. There is an appointed time for everything under the sun, I reasoned, my season will come. My help comes from the Lord, who helped me to hoped again, dreamed again and believed again. what to do when you feel stuck

Although my questions remained unanswered, He became my partner in hope: I found comfort in his word:

  “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Psalm 42:5

He gave me strength to wait again:” I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope.  Psalm 130:5.

Waiting is always the hardest part through it all: with Infertility, we are constantly waiting, waiting for the test to show positive, waiting at the doctor’s office, waiting at for the test results, waiting more waiting: But with his strength, the wait was made easier, as I place each disappointment in his care.

My wish for you is that you will keep hope alive, no matter what, and when the wait seems endless just draw strength from his word which will infuse you with peace and the patience you need to keep try again.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

feel free to share with your friends and please comment if you have found it useful.

Your partner in hope

Debbie