Sharing: Dealing with Miscarriage

The loss of a child is indescribable.

Chrissy and John Lenon lost their baby boy half way through their pregnancy and she’s shared her pain with millions of her followers. This has shed more light on the issue.

Miscarriage happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies, with lost occurring before 12 weeks. There are 250,000 miscarriages every year in the U.K.

She has been praised by charities for sharing her pain and heartbreak, even though she’s has been criticised for sharing so publicity. I think she’s brave and courageous, and I applaud her for her strength. 

The pain of miscarriage is so heavy and No one should suffer alone, posting about her loss gave courage to millions of women who also posted comments about their loss and how her openness helps them relate and deal with their pain. 

Her pain reminded me of the 2 miscarriages i suffered after 2 failed IVFs. I was numb for a few days each time as I bled out my babies. And the very thought of knowing it can happen again left me scared.

Miscarriage leaves a hole, a fear, an uncertain feeling deep down in ones guts.. 

Even after having two beautiful daughters, news like Chrissy’s always reminds me of those dark days. 

Although i no longer grieve, I do remember.  

Have you suffered loss, do not keep quiet, share your pain if you so choose, email us, leave a comment and we will lend a listening ear. We will cry with you and sit still with you. Grieve, don’t bottle it up.

Grieving is a natural way of reacting to devastating news.

Like a butterfly you flutter in my womb
like a womb you wriggle and turn.
I came to know you and love you so deeply
I saw our future as one big loop of love
your little feet truffled around 
your little face as it filled up with a smile
i saw your face before you saw mine will lill hold that still still we meet again. 

Holding out Hope to John and Chrissy and the milking who are grieving right now. 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Coping with Miscarriage and Loss

you can do tthis

The pain of miscarriage is so intense that even though I now have kids, I was unable to talk about it until recently.

I can only describe the moment when I realised I was losing my baby as unreal. I did not know what or how to feel. I was dumbfounded, confused, bemused, and had an out-of-body experience. It felt like it was not happening.

Such was my confusion, that I refused to think about what was happening. I shrugged it off and decided to go on with my plans for the day. In the hopes that when I return, everything will return to normal. I was wrong.

The friend I had plan to meet was shocked to hear that I had just learnt I was having a miscarriage and I was still intent on meeting her.

She talked me out of it. Maybe she shouldn’t have, maybe I would have cried my eyes out and openly grieved, I don’t know, but instead I hid away in fear, frustration, anger, void of any emotions.

Looking back now, I won’t recommend my way of dealing with my first miscarriage to anyone.

I returned to my day job a week after I had bled it out just because I was bored with staying at home and ashamed to look at myself in the mirror.

After the second miscarriage I was forced to deal with the lost differently. It turned out that my brother-in-law was getting married and had paid for us to attend the wedding in the beautiful country of Mauritius. This unconscious choice turned out to  be a blessing in disguise, it opened my mind to what others can do to cope with a loss.

  1. Go Away: shortly after my second miscarriage we had a wedding invitation far away to Mauritius. At first I was reluctant to go on the trip, I was still bleeding and was not in a celebratory mood. My husband persuaded me to visit my MD who decided a C-section was necessary to remove any remnant and avoid any mishaps while I was away. During our time away I remembered nothing of my loss. It was as if removing myself from the event was healing in itself. We had the hen night party, New Year’s Eve party, we were so busy, I had no time to wallow in misery. An added benefit was the messages and deep-sea relaxation i had, which did my body and mind a world of good.  Till date it’s still one of the best holiday I had been on. By the time we came back the loss seem like a distant memory. I was able to pluck up courage to try again.

  2. Dancing: I can picture your suprise, dance? yes, you read right, dance. Strange to recommend dancing to anyone who has had a miscarriage. I guess the fact that I was given the all clear to travel made me lose myself in the moment. Our resort had nightly entertainment which made it difficult not to dance. Dancing took me to a place I did not know existed. I was truly liberated from pain, anger, and fear. From that moment on I had music everywhere in the house. Now I dance at every occasion. Dance got me through this difficult and worse period of my life… On my return, I joined a local dance club where I regularly attend weekly dance classes. It was liberating and exhilarating. I found a new passion and hobby when I found dance, I was free from worry, from disturbing thoughts and most of all I enjoyed it. .

  3. Praying: One would think this should have been the first thing I do, na, I did everything else but talk to God. I did cry and complain, but I did Not stop to talk to my Heavenly Father about my feelings. On this trip, I had time to focus and have a clear mind. I took time to really communicate with him and I felt him near me. His presence was reassuring and I truly felt peaceful inside. I felt his gentle whisper that everything will be ok. In that moment of prayer I felt I can face whatever the future brings.  I can truly say my prayer times were the reason I healed so quickly long before I had a baby.

  4. Personal Reflection; linked closely with praying but during these times I did not pray I just reflected on the good things I had going on in my life. I forced my mind to refocus on the good not the bad. I learnt the lines from motivational songs and reflected on them. I retrained my mind to be still and not to wonder. On my return no one believed I had just had a miscarriage. There was no outward sign of sadness or depression. I had grief alright but I was healed.

You may not have the means to go away to experience the peace time away can bring, however you can steal away a few moments away somewhere quiet.

You can go on quiet walks in the park or wood and get lost in the beauty of nature.  You can take up swimming and afterwards steam in the sauna. In that time you can draw strength from within, from the beauty of nature and the peace it brings.

Other little things you can do.

  • Join a miscarriage support group, your local clinic may be able to recommend some to you. You can draw strength from the experiences of others
  • counselling: you may want to seek counselling, ask your support nurse or clinic for this.

  • Volunteering is a way of taking the focus off your issues. When you are well enough look at your local library or church and find out how you can volunteer.

I urge you to  embark on a trip of self rediscovery, set your mind free from the pain of the loss you have experience, find something that can refocus your thought, which can fill you will hope and strength again, and as you do, you will experience healing and become more resilient through the journey towards becoming a parent.

 

 Please let leave a comment and let us know your thoughts. also like and share our page you never know who will be blessed.

 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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