Is there a reason for this pain, why can’t it just end, why the disappointment, discomfort and the long wait.
These are questions we have all asked ourselves in times of great suffering.
Our pain leaves us with more questions than answers. How do you carry on living in the mist of great pain? Disappointment drains us of strength.
Christ suffered for us so that we can have great strength and hope in our pain.
Christ was born to carry not just our sins but our pain, wounded, bruised and hung on the cross he suffered great pain, Just for us.
He stood in our place, where we would have been condemned, he was condemned.
Where we would have been shamed, He was shamed.
Where fear lingers he brought release, And in this season of Christmas we have peace in our hearts because we know that there will be purpose in our pain.
This knowledge gives us strength as we wait for his perfect plan, we live in hope because hope in him doesn’t bring shame.
So are you tired of waiting, look to the the manger then the cross, then cling to his grace which he gave when he rose again.
What does peace look like? I asked the kids at Sunday school.
Their answers were surprising and came in quick succession.
One replied: when I don’t have any fears. another, when I am happy, sleeping and playing, holiday brings peace. when I lie down and there is no sound.
But one child replied: When God calms the storm.
That stopped me in my track. This Child remembered the story of Jesus and the storm. When His disciples were worried about drowning and Jesus spoke bringing calm to the waves and seas.
The various replies can be woven into this one statement: When God calms the storm.
Certainly when Jesus said peace be still there was calm, the waves ceased in obedience to Him.
I wonder, what do you need to be cam in your life today? Your heart might be torn from endless wait in various places at various time.
14 day wait or two weeks wait, for the change in the pregnancy test stick. From the results of a recent surgery.
None of these wait brings peace, we are often anxious for what’s to comes or what might not be.
In this season of Advent, ask God to bring His peace into your heart whatever the situation and he will.
He will calm your storms, because that what he does. He bring peace to every situation. All you need to do is ask Him.
My best friends birthday was approaching, It was a significant milestone. I remembered planning ahead trying to figure out what we’re going to do for her.
I contacted her to find out what she had planned, I persisted in asking her until she said “I won’t be having any celebration”.
I sort of expected it because I’ve known for over 20 years and I have never celebrated a birthday with her or celebrated her birthday. I knew her reasons. However, I did not think that such a milestone would go uncelebrated.
She’s single and not currently in a relationship, she’s approaching the age where having children is considered risky, she’s premenopausal. She is in between jobs and between homes.
The last few years have been really difficult for her having lost her dad, which means both parents will not be around when and if she eventually gets married and have children.
Lack of success and achievement in certain areas of our lives, leaves us disappointed and robbed.
You too may be asking yourself as Christmas approaches, what’s there to celebrate?
Our lives are measured by our achievements, the absence of which deemed us failures.
There is a perceived natural progression of ones life, grow up, go to school, meet your partner, graduate, get married, have children and live happily ever after.
As I’ve come to know, life isn’t always a straight line from A to Z. Life will take you from N to B and, from S to W and back again from V to K.
Live doesn’t give you what you order, God does. Life doesn’t give you what you expect, faith in God does. Life doesn’t give you what you think you should have, trust and hope in God does.
And as a result of not getting to those milestones we decide what, when to celebrate and how to celebrate.
Celebration is not about things. We celebrate because we look inside ourselves and we know that regardless of where we are and how far we still have to go, we have a reason to be thankful because a lot of people did not get as far as we have come.
We are thankful because against all odds, are still standing. we reflect on the good we have in our lives.
I want to encourage you today, If you find yourself void of joy, void of any enthusiasm to celebrate let the births of Christ inspire you.
What is there to celebrate?
For starters, your health, Your amazing support group, The families in your life. For the strength to keep going, your nieces and nephews, for your job.
Count your blessings, and let your focus well on God’s goodness, not on the absence of should have been.
Our cup is not half empty but half full.
This Christmas rejoice in the fullness of joy that Christ brought when he came into our world. This is why we celebrate.
It’s the season of giving and receiving gifts. I have been trying to find the most thoughtful presents for my loved ones and I am sure you are as well.
What will it cost you to do something for someone else? Time, money, your possessions or skills. Going through trying times leaves us focus on ourselves, often too drained to consider giving any of these to others.
I realized this during the most difficult periods of my life, I couldn’t give of myself to anything, I was focused on getting through the stage of infertility, but I knew there were so many in need of my skills and thankfully I decide to keep a journal of my experiences which started faithful wait
Although God freely gives us gifts of love, grace, mercies, forgiveness, protection, provision and love. He makes no demands made of us, because it already cost Him, His Son. It was and remains the most costly gift of all time. The person we now celebrate at Christmas was give. as a gift for many.
His life bought our freedom from sin, sickness, loss, disappointment and gave us a living hope.
His paid once so that we can enjoy his gifts eternally.
So this Christmas consider someone in worse situation than yourself and give them a gift you can afford, or go a step further, give a gift that will cost you something.
Remember Christ promised to surround you with with favor like a shield in the mist of your situation.
He is with you through every circumstance shielding you, so that you can also respond by helping others.
As you receive Gods blessings during this time, and all through the years, find time to share your gift with others.. because what you receive freely cost him everything.
Yesterday’s post was about how the promised Christ was born 680 years after His birth was foretold.
Today I want to talk about another promised child Issace.
Abraham was 75 year old when God told him he will be a father of multitudes.
Becoming a parent at 75 in today’s world will be considered irresponsible, selfish, foolish, headlines screams “stupid”.
Our world have certain ideas and expectations of when our body should reproduce, never mind the wonders of technology, pregnancy over 40 is almost a taboo, let alone at 50,60 etc.
So for Abraham and Sarah to become parents at 100 is mind boggling to me.
Consider Sarah for a minute, she laughed when she heard the angel spoke of her being a mother. Sarah has written herself off, she knew she was pass her child bearing age, so that suggestion was not one she considered possible.
That laughter was load. It was doubt, it connotes the ridiculousnesses of the thought, it was filled with resignation.
But God fulfilled his promise to Abraham and Sarah and by so doing, paved the way for the Christmas promised “Christ”.
Because Jesus was from the linage of David who is a descendant of Issac.
Hope deferred makes the heart seek, says proverbs. simply put, the longer it takes, the more despondent we become.
I am not asking you to have children at 70, but to look at what is possible and what God can do.
You may have gone past what is considered to be the worlds ideal for child bearing age and have resigned yourself to not happening children.
God can heal, he turned Sarah’s womb and touched Abraham’s body – He can restore loss hope and bring a greater return than expected. Like Sarah and Abraham He can bring that long awaited promise to be.
If God can do it for Sarah, he is the same
Just as Sarah’s disbelief didn’t stop the promise from being fulfilled, so too, nothing can stop God’s promise to you.
The birth of Jesus was told over 680 years before he was actually born. God told the prophet Isaiah that a saviour would be born to a virgin mother. That didn’t happen for hundreds of years after the promise was given.
Did God forget to do what he told Isaiah? No.
Did he change his mind? No.
Did he make a mistake? No
I often wonder weather Isaiah felt despondent about the fulfilment of that promise.
God told him something, he knew it was God talking to him. Yet he did not see it fulfilled in his lifetime.
Isaiah must have felt unhappy, sad, and questioned if he had actually heard from God. I imagined that he even doubted what God said, would happen.
His feelings didn’t stop or delay the promise because when God says a thing, he always bring it to pass regardless of the time. Because he’s working on his timeline not on ours.
Isaiah’s doubt did hinder God. Of course we were not told that he felt this way, this is my imagination. I believe as a human being, he may have felt some form of disappointment at not seeing the promise come to pass.
So let me encourage you as you continue to wait for what you’ve heard God said to you, your doubts, discouragement, tears and even your seemingly faithlessness will not stop God because His promises will always come to pass. He is not a man that he should lie.
Just hold on, for Just like the Christmas story came to pass and a miracle baby was born hundreds of years after he was promised, so will your promise child be born in your lifetime because God is faithful.
Isaiah was the prophet God used by to foretell of his coming son. Be encouraged, that which you have been promised will come to pass.
According to a recent report by an Australia IVF specialist, standard IVF works therefore there is no need for expensive adds on.
for instance
ICSI which stands for Intracycloplastic was developed in 1992 as a way of treating male infertility. However, a growing number of clinics are now using it for men with normal sperm count.
A recent article in the medical journal the lancet based on data from Vietnam, reports that ICSI although much expensive, does not improve the chances of success.
Their hunch is that “doctors may recommend it for fear of patients’ reactions if the eggs don’t fertilise, even if ICSI doesn’t improve the ultimate chance of a baby for those with a normal sperm count.”
Couples with infertility belong to a very vulnerable group who will do almost anything to achieve a pregnancy. They deserve our dedicated care and evidence-based treatment.” The report concluded.
So before accepting all that’s recommended by your clinic,
review your results.
Ask specific and detailed questions.
Undertake your own research into your own Diagnosis,
Review the data available and read the latest in medical intervention and their successes.
Make your own mind up and resist pressure from your clinic.
I know it’s difficult to argue with the doctors and the presumption is that they know what they are doing. But when it’s your body and issue, you can certainly ask questions and be satisfied that what you are paying for is absolutely necessary. And lastly, be positive and know that whatever is in store for you will be nice.
It was national fertility awareness week recently and I want to highlight some stats about.
In some countries like Canada, more people are living with infertility than diagnose with lung cancer which is the leading cause of death in Canada.
According to Dr Gaberielle Cassir, who appeared on the Global News in Montreal. Up to 15 % of couples are infertile and the numbers are rising.
There are various causes of infertility: which ranges from the rising age of women having babies as more women are putting off having children later, to unexplained infertility.
There is no perfect answer the specific causes are evenly divided
in 35% of cases, the causes of infertility is due to problems with the pelvic or fallopian tube abnormality.
10% of cases relates to unexplained causes which is usually hard to deal with.
35% male factor
15% ovulatory disfunction.
It is important to create awareness on the causes of infertility to make sure that couples seek help quickly and avoid unnecessary delays which might lead to more problems later.
Currently the world is also dealing with covid and there are various theories on its impact on fertility.
Again, it is generally agreed in the medical world that this is fueled by myth being propagated on social medial.
While is it normal to question the impact of a new vaccine on ones fertility, it is also important to look at the data.
If you are worried speak with your doctor and find out all you need to know about the vaccine.
Is it necessary to talk about fertility issues with the young generation?
I think it is : this is because the first time most couples become aware of the issues surrounding fertility is when they start to try to have a baby, I think talking about it earlier in a young person’s life may be the difference between delays in seeking help and waiting for miracles to happen.
The emotions we feel are common emotions and are distressing and these can cause a huge physiological toil.
Society can prepare youth for the chances of infertility and open an avenue to speak about it.
No one wants to spread fear to our young people, but at the same time it is important to create an awareness. Parents can have that conversation with their kids same as talking about changes in the body during puberty years and teen years, although a bit later.
The emotions are intense and can cause a huge toil on one’s health, no one can be prepared enough, but at least the being in the know can make a huge difference on how one handles the challenges pose by infertility.
We need to demystify the fear and taboo around taking about having fertility issue.
There should be no guilt, shame, taboo surrounding the topic of infertility.
There should be a conversation and women should feel they have a safe place to talk. I am glad that women like Chrissy Teigen, Hilaria Baldwin, Amy Schumer are open about their struggles with infertity and I think this has done more to increase the awareness around miscarriage and IVF. Women are beginning to see that they are not alone and there is some conform in knowing that others have felt the way you do.
Be encouraged and seek help earlier.
Wishing you every success on your fertility journey.
One of the worse things a couple can learn is that they are unable to have children. This very discovery can either make or break a relationship.
Having spoken with so many couples about their experiences I have discovered that everyone is affected in a different way, but one common factor is stress.
This post brings you ways of coping with the stress brought on by infertility.
The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is real to the infertile couple, this feeling if left unchecked can wreak more havoc.
The commonest forms of stress are depression, feelings of anxiety, and mental health problems.
Here are 5 ways you can adopt to deal with stress
1. Identify your feelings: Sometimes it is very difficult to know which feelings you are exhibiting so it is important to identify your feelings. It might hep to Talk to a professional to help you get in touch with your feelings. Identifying how you feel is the first step in dealing with other emotions like anger, guilt, fear, jealousy and shame.
2. Seek Help for your situations : there are a lot of resources on fertility options. (see sources below) rather than waste precious energy on negative emotions, busy yourself by seeking help. Find out all you need to know about your issues. Your doctor should be your first point of call as they will kick start the treatment process.
3. Consider the options available to you. Your research should include cost, the type of treatment available IVF, IUI, Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, other alternatives such as adoption, fostering, surrogacy should be considered also. Advancement in medicine has made possible the impossible.
4. Have a support net work. It is much easier to cope with a stressful situation by talking to someone than by coping alone. Your support net work can be a close friend, who will not be judgemental or a family member like a mum or sister. It can consist of a group or an individual. Be sure they they are people you can count on to be discreet and to always be supportive. There are lots of support groups on social media You can join but only share if you comfortable doing so.
5. Take on a hobby: Find something to do to take your mind off the situation. It can be a passion you had packed away, hiking, fund raising for a good cause, cooking or writing poetry etc. The very act of being engaged in something rewarding frees your mind from the stress of infertility.
Finally always look on the bright side. No matter how worse or bad a situation feels believe it can get better.
Meeting with Team: this is the initial consultation with the clinic to go throughout process.
The process: The woman will be given medication to suppress her normal menstrual cycle. This is usually given for 2 weeks. My first cycle was a nasal spray but the final cycle was an injection which I learned to inject myself. After which step 3 begins
Boosting the egg supply: This will include stimulation of the ovaries to produce more eggs than usual, to increase the number of eggs for fertility. You will be given a fertility hormone called follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). This is also a daily injection you give yourself or your partner can assist if they want to be involved and feel connected to the process. It’s usually for 10-12 days.
Monitoring. you will be monitored while on the FSH, some clinics will scan every 2 days while others maybe twice weekly during the process. The monitoring may be ultrasound scans to monitor the size of the ovaries, blood test or both. The ovaries are usually measured to see how big the eggs are and a final hormone boost may be given 34-38 hours prior to collection.
Collecting the eggs: Eggs are usually collected on days 10 or 12 depending on the sizes/ how well the ovaries have been stimulated. collecting is usually done under local anesthetic where you will be sedated. A needle is passed through the vagina into each ovary under ultrasound guidance. This procedure may take 15-20 minutes. You may experience cramp or light bleeding afterwards.
Fertilizing the eggs: Once the eggs are collected they are mixed with your partners or the donor sperm in the lab. They are checked after 16-20 hours to see if Fertilization has occurred.
In some cases the eggs may be injected individually with a sperm called ICSI.
Egg Monitoring: The embryos are left to continue to grow for 6 days before being transferred into the womb. The best 2 are usually selected to be transferred.
Embryo Transfer: The embargo’s are transferred into the womb using a thin tube called a catheter passed into the vagina. The procedure is quite simple and doesn’t involve any sedation.
Then began the 2 weeks wait. see next post for how to cope.
Little Drops Of Hope 