How to come back from a Painful loss.

The previous post talks about the painful decision of trying and coping with loss.

What do you do when your world has seemingly turned upside down?

How do you recover and rebuild again? This post looks at how to come back from a loss or failed treatment cycle.

That’s the question we are faced with after a failed treatment.

Speaking from my own experience, I know that the days immediately after a failed cycle or loss are the worse.

I remember going around  like a zombie and feeling loss, helpless and alone.

I did not know what grief looks like, looking back now, I was grieving but carried on as normal. As the days went on, I slowly came round to the ideal that another treatment had failed and I had to deal with that, but how?

How?

First thing for me was crying I cried the first few days, I was so emotional I refused to eat. Not many people knew the pain I felt because they did not know I had undergone treatment.

Since I was unable to open before the treatment, I decided to spare them the details of my demise.

Crying was my outlet, but a temporary fix.

Temporary because whenever I saw a pregnant woman or baby the emotions came back anew.

I then had to think seriously about  my mental health and how to ensure my body returned to health. Crying for me was a temporary fix providing a temporary relief. Another helpful way I dealt with it was to

Speak out.

I remembered a few friends who had gone through similar situations reached out to me. I was glad they did. They were very supportive and did not attempt to reason my pain away.

One friend in particular just sat in silence with me and we said nothing, that was all I needed. No words, no reasoning.

Often people mistake our grief for an opportunity to offer advice, one has to be sensitive at such times and not assume anything in that moment.

Sometimes all we need is that silent nod which says,  “I care”, “I am here”, “I got you”.

Energy Outlet

To gain new insight into the situation, I channeled my emotions into learning how the next cycle will be better, I asked myself these questions.

“What was was done now”, what could be different“?

Firstly, I nurtured myself to health. I researched how my existing illness could be a contributing factor and the more I read, the clearer it became that it was.

I researched clinics and the type of treatment on offer. I read stories of others who had failed cycles – and how they overcame it.

As a result I gained useful information on clinics and treatments options.

Positivity.

I surrounded my myself and mind with positive vibe, I realised that this is not my fault. It is an illness which needed treatment.

By learning more about the situation and my particular illnesses I was comforted that perhaps there is a treatment option tailored for me.

I prayed

This should be number 1, but it wasn’t, it was difficult at first. But as the days went by, prayer offered a consolation which was a far better relief,

I was able to get rid of negative emotions. Which afforded me the opportunity to speak to a higher power.  

I am a Christian and I know that God helped me through this process and the dark days which accompanied it. So whenever I felt lonely or deeply sad, I talked to him.

I found hope in his assurance as well as being amongst like minded people encouraged me to keep going.

So on this national infertility week, be encouraged to look above, ask for help.

You may not apply these steps exactly, but I do hope that you have gain some perspective on how to deal with a loss or painful situation.

It is very easy to throw in the towels and give up, but never ever lose hope. The rain may be falling now, but the sun will shine again..

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Related post:

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/10/23/a-painful-decision/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/08/14/speak-out/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/06/17/6-ways-to-deal-with-fathers-day/

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Breakthrough Miracle

40 years ago Louis Brown was born. She is the first test tube baby. Today countless number of families have had their wishes come through via the same process.

I am certain that in those early days there were lots of cynics who thought this was as good as it was ever going to get that science cannot develop any further than that.

Soon after Ms Brown’s birth, Australia’s first IVF baby, Candice Reed, was born on June 23, 1980

Both babies were born using a woman’s natural ovulation cycle.

Professor Trounson and his colleagues started trialling fertility drugs to try to control the cycle.

“It worked. Suddenly everything became possible,” he said.

According to mews, Professor Wood’s team also pioneered techniques to inject sperm into eggs to overcome male infertility; egg donation resulting in the world’s first donor egg pregnancy; and freezing embryos, which resulted in the world’s first frozen embryo pregnancy.

These break through in reproductive technology was made possible by vision and trial.

Without which thousands would not have achieved their dreams.

Don’t dare give up, don’t despair,

Keep hope alive

Try and try again in your quest towards having a baby.

Who knows soon you too may celebrate your breakthrough miracle.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

IVF: Who Gets Funded?

For couples struggling to conceive after several try, IVF May seem the only option. No treatment plan is easy and to decide to take the leap is to choose to hope and to dream that one will become a parent at the end. To get there, first couples have to meet several rigorous health checks.

The national institute for health care makes recommendation as to who should get funding on the NHS.

Women under 40

NICE recommends 3 IVFs cycle to these group of women on the NHS. Provided

  • They have been trying to have regular unprotected sex for 2 years.
  • And they’ve not been able to get pregnant after 12 cycles of artificial insemination

women who are 40 – 42 are given 1 cycle of IVF in the NHS.

Provided that they have been

  • Trying to conceive for 2 years
  • have not been able to get pregnant after 12 cycles of artificial insemination.
  • They have never had IVF before and
  • Test do not indicate low levels of ovaries or low in quality.

The provision of IVF treatment varies across the country. Although NHS trust across the country are working to provide the same service this often depends on the local CCG. (Clinical commission group).

The CCG may have additional criteria before you can have IVF on the NHS, such as:

  • Not having any children already, from both your current and any previous relationships
  • Being a healthy weight
  • A non smoker.
  • falling into a certain age range (for example, some CCGs only fund treatment for women under 35)
  • In some cases, only 1 cycle of IVF may be routinely offered, instead of the 3 recommended by NICE
  • (from NHS UK).

The process of being accepted and rejected can be daunting. Having to be rejected based on age is like being punished for not trying early.

The decision for most older women is not that easy, they may not have met the right guy early enough and for those who did they might just fall outside of the recommended age by a year. Some CCG offers treatment to those below 35.

The over 35s may have secondary infertility. This leaves the only option available which is to go the private route.

Regardless, the NHS is trying to help first timers and cases which are not as complicated. This surely is a good thing, but no consolation to those who are unable to have funded for their treatment.

Weight check is important as Research have show that a healthy weight is beneficial in many ways.

My advice to anyone seeking IVF on the NHS is this:

Ask your GP or contact your local CCG to find out what the criteria for NHS-funded IVF treatment are in your area.

Private option is your only choice If you do not meet the funding criteria, you can contact the clinics directly or get a referral from your GP.

Going private comes at a huge cost with average cost at £5,000 or more per cycle.

There maybe additional cost of consultation fees, blood test and other adds on..

Find out exactly what is included in the cost before embarking on treatment.

Finally have faith in your body, be positive and keep hope alive.

Your Partner in Hope.

D’Ebi

Sources:

NHS choice, HFEA (Human Fertility and Embryology Authority.

Always With Us

Over the course of my life I have no doubt that an unseen hand has guided my path. From the first time I experienced the pains of Arthritis as a 9 year old, to when I was ran over by a car as a 10 year old.

As a little girl growing up in a Christian home I always felt love and cared for by my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father, but it was during the most trying times of my life as an adult waiting for a child I experienced my God with me moments.

God has been with me, every step of the way. Sometimes I felt him really close, other times I could not perceive him.

I never doubted that he was with me when I was hurting and really needed a hug, I knew he was there.

The pain of not knowing when or how was more than the physical ailment. At times I screamed other times I was quiet, my pain etched on my face, tears muffled by sadness.

I struggled with the pain often not being able to do simple chores, how was I supposed to take care of a child.

I reasoned that maybe God didn’t want me to suffer anymore pain than I already had, hence the delay of not having a child.

Somehow he encouraged me with this thought which gave me peace in the moment.

When I eventually had my first daughter and my body collapsed with pains after 3 months, not being able to physically hold or carry my longed for baby, it was those lonely nights of tears I felt him close that I knew without doubt that Immanuel “God With Us”, had a bigger plan for me, he was with me every moment of pain I felt.

When I was told I had to be on a very potent drug to control arthritis after the birth of my second daughter.

An encouraging word or text message or a simple gentle breeze will come to remind me that I am not alone.

God has been with me from the day I stepped into this world.

As you tread this sometimes lonely road of infertility wondering who have you got, or how your story will end, remember that This Child of Bethlehem was the promised company to us in our time of need.

As you celebrate this Christmas morning, open your heart to him and he will be with you till the end.

Merry Christmas

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

Read More »

Surviving Treatment

 

Unexplained? How do you treat something you cannot explain? This was where we found ourselves after I was diagnosed with Unexplained infertility.

Relax’

‘Take it easy’

‘Try again’. Was the general comments I got.

I am a healthy eater and love most things healthy. I can say I am one of those who eat at least 5 or more portions of fruits and veg Daily. So it upset me to be told to eat healthy. I just want to “scream” You don’t know me.

Having tried and Failed to get pregnant, I decided to dig deeper into “the world of the unexplained”.

My instincts tells me the reason I was unable to conceive was due to my pre existing health condition which no one took into account.

Prior to getting married I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, Rheumatoid arthritis and I was put was on hydroxychloroquine. I was put on a course of treatment and was advised not to start a family due to the effect it will have on the unborn baby.

After a year and half on this drug I was given the all clear that the disease was under control and came off. Shortly after we began trying for a baby.

My research into the link between autoimmune deficiencies and infertility started after my failed IVF.

What I did:

Mr google came to my aid. I googled the two words, and  several research papers on the topic showed up on the search results. What I discover gave me hope, as my suspicion was confirmed that not only was I wrongly diagnosed as unexplained, I may have found the right place to go for treatment.

After the two failed IVF cycle on the NHS, We decided to go private. We decided on a clinic with the highest success rates for people with pre existing health conditions like mine, for over 35 like me, one which offered Tailor made treatment for every patient.

Just when we though I can’t get pregnant naturally, I fell pregnant twice but sadly lost both pregnancies. The pain of misscarriage. It took us two years before embarking on another course of IVF.
My advice to you today if you have tied and failed to get pregnant naturally or by other methods is to NEVER Give UP: do everything within your power to get your desires and only after you have exhausted all options should that be an Option.

The journey to holding our first baby was turbulence, graced with doubts and questions but we stayed the course.
In order to survive treatment. I made a decision to be of a sound mind and be prepared whatever the outcome.

These 10 steps helped me survive the treatment process and kept my spirts up.

  • I decided to stopped focusing on the outcome and the “what ifs”. I used to focus on the negative to the point of exhaustion. I couldn’t see any positives from the process. Do not be excessively focus on the outcome. You have been on this journey long enough so stay strong. Our destination may be within reach or may still be far off. Regardless, decide how you want to ride the journey. In misery, distress, hopelessness or with faith, hope and belief in the process. If you did not think it will work, why begin at all. Be full of assurance, riding on the wings of hope.

  • Whenever your monthly period show up, don’t retreat into pity or why me mode, go out and see a funny motive to lift up your spirit.
  • Be positively expectant of something good happening . You may currently be undergoing treatment or beginning the journey of trying or may have tried and failed. Whatever your reality maybe, enjoy the journey, by surrounding yourself with positive things. Get up each day and look forward to the possibility of what might be.
  • find someone who has a more severe illness than yours, be an encouragement to them. Start a ministry of encouragement for others and comfort others with the comfort you have received.

  • Go out for a drink with a friend. Focus on the beauty of life around you, the plants, the birds in the air, the air we breath in.
  • Read a good book, something different from how to get pregnant.
  • Speak positively to yourself. Tell yourself nothing is wrong with you or your partner. Even if something is wrong, be hopeful that you are on your way to receiving help and in time everything will be alright. Sing and dance: dancing and singing releases some feel good hormone. Your mood will be uplifted taking you away from the intensity of trying.

  • Go for a walk and release all the tension within you. find a local gym where you can be part of the swimming or running club.
  • Focus on yourself, your progress and how far you have come. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you use to be.
  • Decide you will be stronger regardless of the outcome. This is not going to define your life or happiness, as much as we want the end results to be good, things may happen which is beyond our control

After You have done all: let go and let God, he knows what you are going through and he will bring you through. You are Built to handle adversity so face yours with faith and courage.

 

Exploring Treatment Options. 

The issues faced by couples or anyone suffering infertility are made worse when you have no idea where and when to seek help.

I have spoken with several women who all agree that they took to seek help as they had no idea where or when to ask for help. Dealing with the emotional roller coaster that comes with infertility is no small feat, it is therefore important to know when to seek help and where to go.

Find out when to seek help in this post: Infertility: When to seek help.

Today’s post explores the various treatment options available to anyone who has been diagnose with the dreaded disease.

First step is to book an appointment with your family doctor.

Based your circumstances and the test results your doctor will then be able to recommend the next step to take.

Treatments for different age group:  There is no one size fit all, when it comes to treatments. Medical evidence shows that a woman’s age affects her ability to get pregnant. Women are Built differently; we have finite number of eggs. The chances of A woman over 35 years getting pregnant are reduced at that age and if she does become pregnant, her risk of miscarriages goes up.

Depending on your age, your doctor may recommend that you skip some of the steps taken by younger couples, and get you on the treatment ladder as quickly as possible.

It is important to know that no treatment will guarantee a positive result. However due to advances in technology, millions of couples like us have gone on to have babies via fertility treatment.

First steps: diagnosis, we explore the possible causes of infertility in both men and women: read it here.

Treating problems with Ovulation: a woman releases eggs once a month, if test shows that you do not ovulate or release enough eggs clomiphene will be given to stimulate your ovaries to release some eggs.

Unexplained infertility: where test shows there is no reason a woman can’t fall pregnant; several options can be exploring. Like, administering clomiphene, hormone injection and Insemination.

Hormone Injections and Insemination. (An insemination procedure uses a thin, flexible tube (catheter) to put sperm into the woman’s reproductive tract, to improve the chances of pregnancy.

Intrauterine insemination: Intrauterine insemination is placing the sperm into a woman’s uterus when she is ovulating, using a catheter, passed into the vagina, through the cervix to the uterus.

Artificial insemination (AI): Artificial insemination is another name for intrauterine insemination but can also refer to placing sperm in a woman’s vagina or cervix when she is ovulating. The sperm is expected to travel into the fallopian tubes, where they can fertilize the woman’s egg or eggs

Blocked or damaged tubes: if your fallopian tubes are blocked, possible treatment may include tubal surgery:

Endometriosis treatment may include laparoscopic surgery to remove endometrial tissue growth. For more severe endometriosis, other treatment options will be exploring.

IVF: In Vitro fertilisation is one of the treatment options available to anyone finding it difficult to fall pregnant: During IVF an egg is removed from the woman’s ovaries and fertilised with sperm in a laboratory: The fertilised egg, (embryo), is put back into the woman’s won to grow and develop into a baby.

IVF can be done using the eggs and sperm of both couples or eggs and sperm of donors.

Conclusion:

If you have been trying to conceive without success, please consult your doctor in the first instance and talk through the various treatment options available to you. There are no one size fits all when it comes to treatment for infertility.

My wish for you is that you will find peace through this process as you wait for your special miracle of a child. As you wait in faith, keep your hopes alive, because nothing is impossible to him who believes.

We would love to hear from you, please comment and share on social media.

 

 

Sources: We seek to bring you up to date information and have complied information from the following health site , NHS choices, Nice websites and HFEA.

Disclaimer: the content of this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose, please consult your doctor in first instance to discuss the choices available to you.

Causes Of Infertility In Women 

Causes of infertility in Women

Statistics shows that 1 in 8 couples will suffer infertility. Infertility is the inability to conceive. In some cultures, infertility is often viewed as a woman’s fault, although this is not true. In a 3rd of cases it is due to low sperm count.  


Causes of infertility in women includes and not limited to the following

Damage to the Fallopian tubes

The fallopian tubes are the tubes along which an egg travels from the ovary to the womb. The egg is fertilised as it travels down the fallopian tubes. When it reaches the womb, it is implanted into the womb’s lining, where it continues to grow.

If the womb or the fallopian tubes are damaged, or stop working, it may be difficult to conceive naturally.

Ovulatory Problems

infertility is most commonly caused by problems with ovulation (the monthly release of an egg). Some problems stop women releasing eggs at all, and some cause an egg to be released during some cycles, but not others.

Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a condition where small pieces of the womb lining, known as the endometrium, start growing in other places, such as the ovaries.

This can cause infertility because the new growths form adhesions (sticky areas of tissue) or cysts (fluid-filled sacs) that can block or distort the pelvis. These make it difficult for an egg to be released and become implanted into the womb.

It can disturb the way that a follicle (fluid-filled space in which an egg develops) matures and releases an egg.

Scarring From Surgery

Pelvic surgery can sometimes cause damage and scarring to the fallopian tube or shorten the cervix (the neck of the womb).

Cervical mucus defect

When you are ovulating, mucus in your cervix becomes thinner so that sperm can swim through it more easily. If there is a problem with your mucus, it can make it harder to conceive.

Submucosal fibroids

Fibroids are benign (non-cancerous) tumours that grow in, or around, the womb. Submucosal fibroids develop in the muscle beneath the inner lining of the womb wall and grow into the middle of the womb.

Submucosal fibroids can reduce fertility, although exactly how they do this is not yet known. It is possible that a fibroid may prevent an embryo from implanting itself into your womb.

Pelvic inflammatory disease

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) is an infection of the upper female genital tract, which includes the womb, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It is often the result of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). PID can damage and scar the fallopian tubes, making it virtually impossible for an egg to travel down into the womb.

Medicines and drugs

The side effects of some types of medication and drugs can affect your fertility. These medicines are outlined below.

Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). Long-term use or a high dosage of NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen or aspirin, can make it more difficult for you to conceive.

Chemotherapy. Medicines used for chemotherapy (a treatment for cancer) can sometimes cause ovarian failure, which means your ovaries will no longer be able to function properly. Ovarian failure can be permanent.

Neuroleptic medicines are antipsychotic medicines often used to treat psychosis. They can sometimes cause missed periods or infertility.

Spironolactone – this is a type of medicine used to treat fluid retention (oedema). Fertility should recover around two months after you stop taking spironolactone.

Age

Infertility in women is also linked to age. The biggest decrease in fertility begins during the mid-thirties. Among women who are 35, 95% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex. For women who are 38, only 75% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex.

No Identifiable Reason or Unexplainable

if after carrying out all the above test and your results come out normal, you may be classed as unexplained, this was where I found myself.

We were told there is no reason why I should not fall pregnant with a year of trying.

It was not until two failed IVE cycle, 2 miscarriages several other treatments we fell pregnant.

Conclusion

The causes of infertility are numerous and differs for men and women. It is important to seek help if you have been trying for a year without success.

Disclaimer 

The writer is not a medical doctor. The views expressed here are from her personal experiences and research from the various medical resources like the NHS, infertility net work U.K. Please consult your Doctor if you need help with your diagnosis.