I See You

I may not have you in my arms

But I carry you in my heart

With each passing day

I see the image of you

Wrapped in beautiful cloth.

A sweet smile etched on your faces

I see you walking

I see you running

I see us do all the things mother and child do

Though others may not see what I see

Of this I am sure

I see the future with you in it.

I see you grow and become a fine human

And I see the day I will look back on the past and be thankful

I waited for you.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related pieces

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/10/identity/

https://faithfulwait.com/2019/03/26/trust-and-joy-in-the-mist-of-pain/

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Trust and Joy in the mist of pain

Mother’s Day and infertility

Celebration of mother is approaching in the UK. On the 31 March we will celebrate and acknowledge mothers

The airwaves, Churches, schools will put up a show to celebrate mothers. It is fitting to do this.

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone who’s trying to conceive.

As you watch others being celebrated a part of you always wonders when you too will be celebrated.

Celebrating mother’s on this day doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing.

If anything this celebration makes me focus even more on my demise. However dark and grim the situation may seem. Let me encourage you to focus on this one truth. This too will pass.

How and when I do not know. Let your trust be fully placed on the master.

Be reminded of this.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 

Though the fig tree do not blossom,

    nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

    and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

    and there be no herd in the stalls, 

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

God, the Lord, is my strength;

    he makes my feet like hinds’ feet,

    he makes me tread upon my high places.

Re phrased it becomes

Thought my body will not respond to treatments and my monthly flow remains uncertain

Thought my womb refuse to yield and bear children as I get on in age.

My eyes will remain fixed on the Lord who is my strength. He alone will carry me and bring me into His perfect plan for me.

Sometimes we go through seasons of hardship, loss and deep pain. But no matter what we’ve lost, or wanted but never had, we can like Habakkuk rejoice in our relationship with a loving God.

Even when it feels like we have nothing else, He will never fail or abandon us.

He is the One who “provides for those who grieve His is our ultimate reason for joy (Isaiah 61:3).

Don’t endure Mother’s Day, celebrate it by fixing your eyes on him who loves you beyond reason.

Celebrate the unique experience of waiting and the worthiness of what he is fashioning within you.

Celebrate the person your are becoming as a result of the experiences you are face with

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi


Related post

https://faithfulwait.com/2017/03/25/celebrating-mothers-day/

https://faithfulwait.com/2018/03/11/how-to-handle-the-pressures-of-mothers-day/

How To Handle the Pressures of Mother’s Day

The hardest day in the calendar for any woman trying to conceive is Mother’s Day.

Shortly after Valentine’s Day shops are dressed up with Mother’s Day gifts and cards.

Everywhere you go there it is “Happy Mother’s Day card or some form of advertisement”.

My heart use to sink and do a double dive when I started TTC.

There were those who felt I should be positive and remain hopeful. Join the celebration and not shut myself out. It’s easy to say and a bad advice from well meaning people.

They don’t get it. I was positive and hopeful but I was not in a celebratory mood for a child I don’t have. How can I be?

I was not a mother.. instead I was faced with the reminder even more so on and around the period leading to Mother’s Day

If you are dreading this season here a some suggestions on how to deal with this day.

Speak with friends: Tell close friends and family how you feel and implore them to be sensitive. If you don’t want to receive a happy Mother’s Day card tell them so. You are entitled to how you feel. Don’t suffer or go angry in silence, speak up against unpleasant comments.

Celebrate others: do you have a mum, sister. Or a great friend you admire? Celebrate them in your own way.

Celebrate something about your life: yes you may not be a mother, but you are a good friend, wife, sister, employee etc Celebrate this..

Go on a pampering break. Take yourself out or arrange to go with your partner or friend. Buy yourself that dress, get your hair, nails and foot done. Appreciate yourself, you are beautiful in every single way. Yes you may not have a child yet, but you have a heart, a smile and a life worth living. Celebrate this

Avoid anything likely to upset you, yes I really do. Shopping mall, churches, friends with kids. It may seem strange, I know. if being around celebratory places during the period leading up to Mother’s Day will upset you, avoid those places.

Allow others to celebrate you: I know it is a painful reminder of what you don’t have. If your nieces, nephews, God or friends kids wants to celebrate you, allow them. Think of it as a good gesture, they mean you well.

Avoid Social Media: Many will be wishing their mums and posting pictures of their children wishing them a happy Mother’s Day on social media. Guard your heart or it will upset you. If seeing all the greetings makes you anxious and upset. Why bring yourself more misery? Avoid them.

Immense yourself in your work, business or any interest of your choice. Do whatever will make you feel happy on the day. Plan your activities well ahead of time to avoid feeling lost for what to do on the day.

Celebrate it if it makes you feel better, gives you hope and encourages you. What I do not encourage you to do is celebrate with a feeling of sadness, constantly be eating yourself for not being a mum. So if you must, do it with hopes and with a feeling that you are taking part in the celebration before you actually Wellcome your baby.

Do not feel sorry for yourself: yes you may not have a child yet, but that doesn’t make you any less of a woman. have you achieved so many great and wonderful things in your life? Celebrate this.

Do not let the expectations of others overwhelm you. You alone know the burden you carry. Be you and do whatever you feel comfortable with. If that means not being amongst others, please yourself.

Avoid any situations where you feel vulnerable to prying questions and never feel you have to justify yourself to anyone.

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

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Celebrating Mothers Day

It’s Mother’s Day here in UK. For a very long time I did not take part in any kind of Mother’s Day celebration. I avoided it like a plague… I just couldn’t bring myself to celebrate something I am not and so wanted to be.
I avoided going out as the ‘the shops were often decorated with beautiful cards for mothers. Cards of every colour adored the store shelves with heart signs and shapes. Depicting a child’s love for his/her mother… 

One one occasion I received flowers and a card from my husband. I was unhappy about this gesture. I was not going to pretend that I am a mother, I muttered under my breath..I was being realistic, calling it what it is. 

“You know I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day”.  
Why buy me a “Happy Mother’s ” day card? I asked in a strained voice.. ‘he just replied, open it’ and worked away… My husband is not my child, why should I be excited at receiving a card from him?. I thought. 

“The irrational thoughts of a childless woman”. To me, nothing makes sense anymore. 

Later that day, I felt better enough and picked up the cards and felt really really stupid.  On the front was boldly written “I Love You”. This card celebrated me as a person, me a friend, a human being, a wife, it celebrated our union and love.   

My husband of few words wanted me to know that he loves me just as much as I am now, not for what I could be, “a mother”. Mother or not, I am somebody, not defined by my circumstances or a name badge ‘mother’. 

As Mother’s Day approaches you too may be fill with dread, of well meaning friends, God children, and family celebrating their mums… You may want to crawl into bed and be invisible for the day… because you don’t want the fuss. 

I understand the feeling. I celebrated lots of Mother’s Day without being a mother and most of it was not by choice… 

I believe I truly received healing when I decided to stop being hurt by the mention of the word “mother” and I started to take part and enjoy the fun of it. 

Those around you understands too. Do not think your friends, family, or community do not care about you. Rest assured they wish for you to enjoy the pleasures of being a mother, and may show it in strange ways like buying you flowers or cards or taking you out on Mother’s Day. 
Celebrate with them.It’s a joyous occasion and besides happy doesn’t do anyone any harm, but rather relieves of the pressures and thoughts of one’s demise. 

Celebrate who you are and becoming through this process. You have been chosen to walk this path, it is tough but celebrate your strengths 
Celebrate because some were crushed by envy and jealousy but here you are, still still believing and holding on.
Celebrate the unique love your partner has for you… 
celebrate the adversity which has made you both stronger… 

After that incident with my husband I decided I was going to enjoy mother’s day every year. I was a Godmother, an aunty, A mother to be . That qualifies me to celebrate.

I stopped dreading the approach and started to write out cards to mothers whom I admire… 
You may not go as far as I did, but I encourage you to see yourself as what you want to be, ‘a mother’ and be joyful in that knowledge. 
Knowing that even though you may not be a mother right now? You may be one some day.
My prayer for you is that:

You will enjoy the pains of childbirth
Give suck to a child.

Feel the heartbeat of your child next to you

Feel the crush of a tiny fingers holding yours

See the smiles of your child beaming at you

Smell the scent of baby oil running down their cheek

Feel the tenderness of their look as it starts back at you.

Hear the pitapata of tiny feet as they trundle into your bed.

Cherish the warm cuddly hugs of tiny hands around your neck.

Hear a little voice say

Mama I love you”.
Happy Mother’s Day